Page 47 of Choose You

I look at Jessica, and Momma is right. Her smile this morning is radiating. I wish I could say it’s because of me, but I expect it’s Emmie that’s given her that smile.

I don’t know how it’s possible, but Jessica’s smile grows. “What can I say, Emmie’s been lively this morning, asking me questions about jumping and riding.” She pauses and waves her hand across the island. “Plus, I’m a sucker for cornmeal pancakes with strawberries. Who wouldn’t smile after all this?”

Momma shifts her gaze to me and gives me a slight nod. “Well, good food and fun conversation is always a great way to start the day.”

Her acknowledgment of my effort to earn Jessica’s forgiveness—and one day her heart,again—makes me nervous. I don’t want Jessica to think I’m trying too hard, or that my intentions aren’t sincere. I wanted to do this for her even if she doesn’t forgive me.

I get up to refill my coffee mug. “Anyone want more coffee?”

Jessica turns her smile to me. “Yes, please.” Our eyes meet as I fill her mug. Her smile fades, and the joy in her eyes shifts to desire.

I clear my throat and turn to Momma. “How about you?”

“No, thank you. I’m good.” Momma slides into the stool next to Jessica, seemingly unaware of the mood shift between us. “When do you have to go home, Jess?”

My body turns rigid at my momma’s question. She’s already been here for a couple weeks. She seems to be working fine remotely, but I figure Jessica has to go back to Seattle at some point. She said she wants to keep the vineyard and stay, but she hasn’t confirmed with certainty that she’s moving back to Watercress Falls.

I watch her intently as she takes a deep breath and avoids looking in my direction. “I haven’t decided, but I’ll need to head back soon.” Her eyes shift to mine, but she quickly looks down at her hands before she continues. “I don’t want to sell any of the property, but if I’m not going to stay in Watercress Falls, it makes more sense to let them go. I still have a lot to think about.”

Her response isn’t exactly what I was hoping to hear, but it’s way better than an outrightNo, I’m never coming back. Those are the absolute last words I want to hear from her.

“Well, dear.” Momma pats her back before standing up. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Just don’t forget, no matter what you decide, this is always your home.”

Jessica nods and her eyes gloss over. She doesn’t get a chance to respond before Emmie comes barreling back into the kitchen excited to start her day with her grandma. She gives Jessica and me a hug goodbye before her and Momma head out.

“Did you get enough to eat?” I ask before I start clearing my dirty dishes.

“Yes, I’m stuffed. Everything was delicious.” She stands and takes her own dishes to the sink. “Thanks for making this. I really enjoyed it.”

I clear the rest of the dishes while she starts rinsing and loadingthe dishwasher. Once I have everything by the sink, I lean against the counter next to her. “So, you’re going back to Seattle?”

Her chest rises and falls quickly. I don’t miss how her hand shakes as she sets a plate in the dishwasher, either. “I’ll have to at some point. I have a business to run.”

I drop my head into my hand and rub the bridge of my nose. The thought of losing her forever is agonizing. If that’s what happens, I have no one to blame but myself. I just wish I could explain all these feelings and emotions running through me in a way she’d understand. Like how I can’t breathe normally when she’s not around. I don’t know how I made it all those years without her, because now that she’s back, I need her next to me to feel calm and at peace.

She’s the first person I think about when I wake up and the last face I see before I fall asleep at night. She even makes an appearance in my nightly dreams. She holds my heart in her hand, and has the power to squeeze the life out of it or take complete ownership of it. She makes me want to be a better man, a better father. She illuminates the darkness and the thought of losing any of this is soul crushing.

Just hearing her say she has to go back has me spiraling further into the darkness. I feel like I’m losing the light she brings to my life with every passing second and she’s still right beside me.

Her hand slips around my face, and she pulls me toward her until I’m looking at her. “Hey, you all right? You look a little pale.”

I rest a hand over hers and loop my other arm around her waist, pulling her into my embrace. She gasps, leans into me, and rests her head into the crook of my neck. Her soft lips brush against my skin. She plants light kisses on my neck, down my jawline and then my chin.

And it’s the best fucking thing I’ve felt in years.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Matt.” She cups both hands on my cheeks and forces me to look into her eyes. I drop my forehead to hers and clench my hands at her waist. She feels so good, and it’s driving me crazy. I need her more than I need air.

“I’m so—” I start to tell her I’m sorry again, but I stop myself. She doesn’t need another apology. She needs my heart and soul. “Thevery idea of you leaving, even temporarily, is making it hard to breathe. I can’t stand the—”

Her lips crash into mine—urgent, hungry, demanding. Her fingers slide around my head and tangle into my hair, tugging me closer to her. Her kiss catches me by surprise, but in the best way possible. I slip my hands around her waist and down her ass. Gripping her tight, I lift her into me, then slowly walk her to the counter opposite where we’re standing.

Her arms tighten around me, and our kiss is so intense, it forces all the air from my lungs and I feel light-headed. I refuse to release her and take in more oxygen. I need this—I need her—more. It’s overwhelming and comforting and terrifying all at once. She could break me with one wrong word.

I sit her on the counter and slowly slide my hands beneath her shirt, letting my hands span around her ribcage. My thumbs rest dangerously close to her nipples. I want to touch her everywhere—feel her bare skin against mine—and taste every inch of her until my senses only remember her.

She lets out a long heady moan. It’s hot and makes me even harder than I already am for her. It’s been years since I’ve had sex and having her in my kitchen like this is almost too much. If I don’t regain some control, I’m going to come in my jeans.

“Matt,” she whispers against my mouth, effectively pulling me out of my lust-filled trance. I break the kiss and drop my forehead to hers. We’re both breathing heavily and struggling for air. “We can’t keep doing this or else I’m never going to get my head on straight.”

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