Page 46 of Choose You

I ruffle her hair and she groans as I walk past her toward the refrigerator. She hates it when I do that to her. She says it makes her feel like a baby. But she’s growing up way too fast. Hearing her say she’s not a baby anymore triggers every one of my daddy instincts to argue otherwise.

I measure out the buttermilk and slowly pour it over the cornmeal mix while Emmie stirs. “Don’t over stir. Remember we want some of those clumps.”

“I won’t.” She swirls the wooden spoon in the bowl with a determined look on her face while I crack the eggs. She loves helping in the kitchen, and at this rate, she’s going to be a better cook than me before she hits double digits.

I kiss the top of her head and walk back to the stove to check on the bacon. A few seconds later I hear Emmie squeal. When I turn around, she’s got her arms wrapped around Jessica’s waist. Jessica enthusiastically returns the hug and kisses her cheek. “What are you two up to in here? It smells wonderful.”

“I asked Daddy what your favorite breakfast was, and he said cornmeal pancakes. So we’re making you some.” Jessica’s eyes shift to mine, and I smile. That’s not exactly how it happened, but I love Emmie for taking the credit, and therefore, the pressure off me.

“He’s right. They are my favorite. And are those strawberries by the sink?” Jessica’s eyes widen and her smile grows.

“Yep!” Emmie looks up at Jessica like she’s searching for approval. “You love those too, right?”

“Oh, girl. You’re pulling hard on my heart this morning. Not much makes me happier than strawberries dipped in maple syrup.” Emmie’s smile grows wider than I’ve seen in a long time. Jessica ruffles her hair the same as I did a moment ago, but instead of groaning, Emmie leans into Jessica for a side hug. I chuckle and shake my head before checking on the bacon.

“See, Daddy? I told you strawberries and maple syrup belong together.” Emmie’s voice is firm, like she’s ready to argue her point until I concede. Jessica laughs as she grabs a mug from the cabinet and pours herself a cup of coffee.

She leans against the counter next to me, and pins me with a teasing smile. My entire body comes to life. “Yeah,Daddy. Please, tell me you haven’t been trying to convince this girl otherwise.”

Her teasing tone alone is enough to get my body worked up, but hearing her call me Daddy nearly did me in. It was always supposed to be her who bore our children and spent the rest of her life doing this with me and our kids.

Our eyes lock and from the way her eyes shift I think she realizes what she said and how it’s impacting me. She’s close enough that I can reach out and touch her, pull her into my arms, and kiss her. But dammit, I resist. I can’t do that in front of Emmie. It will only confuse her.

I clear my throat searching for something to say when Emmie pipes up. “The batter is ready. Can Jessica braid my hair?”

We both turn our eyes to Emmie, and at the same time I say, “As long as she wants to,” and Jessica says, “Sure, I’d love to.”

“Yay!” Emmie hops off the stool and runs out of the kitchen leaving us alone.

The air instantly thickens, and I feel the weight of awkwardness and desire all mixed into one as Jessica watches me. All I can think about is holding her and kissing her like I did yesterday by the lake. Based on her body language, I don’t think she’d mind.

Deciding to take a different path, I ask, “Did you sleep well?”

She snorts. “No. You?”

I smile and shake my head. “Worst night of sleep in a long time.”

Our eyes meet again and the heat I see in hers causes my heart rate to kick up like a stampede of wild stallions. Is she thinking the same thing I am? That if we spent the night in each other’s arms, we both would have slept better.

“I got my brush and a couple hair ties.” Emmie comes running back into the kitchen and wedges her body between us. She looks up at Jessica with so much adoration and excitement it makes my heart squeeze. Emmie hasn’t been without female role models and support in her life, but seeing how she’s responding to Jessica has made me realize it’s not enough. Or at least, not what she deserves.

Jessica hugs her close, smiling down at her like doing Emmie’s hair is the best gift she’s ever received.God, I’m fucked.

I grab the bowl of batter and focus on breakfast rather than watching the girls I love the most bond. It’s pure torture since one of them hasn’t decided to forgive me for my past mistakes.

They whisper and giggle the entire time, and I can’t hear a damn thing they’re saying. It’s driving me crazy. Whatever they’re talking about, they both seem to be having a good time.

I try to keep my mind on cooking, but it’s hard. Seeing themtogether like this is a dream come true. After Emily died, I’d hoped beyond hope that Jessica would come home and give me another chance. Now that she’s here, and I see how much Emmie adores her, all I want is to keep her.

“Hello!”Momma calls from the front door.

“Still in the kitchen,” I answer back. We just finished eating and Emmie is still hammering Jessica with a million questions about her experience in competitive jumping and riding. To Jessica’s credit, she’s handled it like a champ. I think she’s enjoying this way more than any normal person should. Then again, Jessica is just as horse obsessed as Emmie.

I tilt Emmie’s glass so I can see inside. “Drink the last of your juice before you go brush your teeth. I think Grandma plans to take you to the park today.”

Emmie doesn’t hesitate to do as I ask. She finishes her juice, hops off her stool, and runs out of the kitchen. I hear Momma let out a lowoomphas Emmie probably runs into her for a big hug before running upstairs.

Momma steps into the kitchen, looks back and forth between Jessica and me, before her smile grows. She walks up to Jessica and gives her a hug “Well, don’t you look happy this morning? It’s good to finally see you smile.”

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