Page 43 of Choose You

“You know that’s not how it was.” He practically growls as he furrows his brows. The look in his eyes is so intense, I’m forced to look away. “I could never forget about you. Shit happens, and I stepped in it big time. I did what I thought was right. Besides, at the time I thought you had moved on.”

My head snaps back to him. “Whatever gave you that idea?

He sighs and wipes the rain from his face. It’s raining harder now and whatever food we had left is now soaked. “When I came to your graduation for your MBA. I saw you walk out with David’s arm wrapped around you.”

“David is just a friend. He and Blaire were married long before I met either of them.”

“I know that now.” He snaps. “But you two looked cozy. Too cozy. I made an assumption.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and think back to that day. David and I walked together. He stood beside me throughout the ceremony. He was never one to shy away from hugs and affection. If Matthew saw his arm around me, he got the wrong idea. “You talked to David.”

“More like he talked to me. I guess he didn’t like the way I looked at him at the funeral. He went out of his way to set things straight.”

I nod because that sounds just like something David would do. “So, after that you started dating Emily. Why? To get back at me.”

“It wasn’t like that. She was the first woman I dated since you. She was the only woman I’d been with besides you. I thought I’d lost you.”

His admission surprises me. I’d assumed he’d been dating girls all through college. Especially since he was the one that broke up with me. “Did you love her?”

His eyes close and his shoulders sag. “She gave me Emmie. How could I not love her?” My throat tightens and my eyes well up with tears again. I expected him to say that, but it still stings. “Jess, I wasn’t in love with her. The only person I’ll ever be in love with is you.”

That last part should make me happy, but it doesn’t. He loves me, same as I love him. But our love wasn’t enough. He didn’t trust in me. If he had, he would’ve never assumed I'd ever be with anyone but him. I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath before meeting his wounded gaze.

“Jess.” He steps into me and laces his fingers with mine. “Talk to me, baby. Where does this leave us?”

I dig deep and find my strength. The past couple of weeks have been rough to say the least. I’m done crying, and I’m over feeling sorry for myself. I have no idea what the future holds or where I’ll end up. And that’s okay. I cup Matthew’s cheeks and lightly kiss his lips. His hands clench into fists at my waist and I feel his entire body tighten into a hard knot.

“This feels an awful lot like a goodbye,” he says.

“I don’t know what this is. All I know is you didn’t lose me until you married another woman.” My voice cracks, and I clear my throat.I refuse to cry again. “If only you’d trusted me enough to talk to me, then maybe none of this would’ve happened. But what’s done is done. Now you have a little girl who needs you. I can’t compete with that.”

I press my lips to his one more time before I release him and walk away. I head for our horses, needing to put some distance between us so I can think. I untie Pippi and my foot slips when I try to hop into the saddle. I’ve been so absorbed in Matthew. I didn’t notice how hard it’s raining.

“Sorry, girl.” I run my hand down Pippi’s mane and whisper soothing words in her ear. “We’ll get you back and, in the stables, soon enough.”

I glance back at Matthew, and he still hasn’t made a move to leave. He has the same sorrowful expression he did the day I found out he was married. Seeing so much torment in his eyes brings that horrid memory that I’d worked so hard to bury back to the surface of my mind.

Drivingup the familiar road leading to Matthew’s childhood home brought me a comfort I didn’t expect. Growing up as neighbors to the Langdons, I’d spent almost as much time here as I did at my own home. Rosie and Leo Landgon were like second parents to me.

I typically loved coming home from Seattle. There was no place on earth that made me happier than being on the vineyard, riding horses, and enjoying the fresh mountain air.

But nothing about this trip had been happy.

My parents were killed three days ago in a tragic car accident, leaving me alone with no other family than my Uncle Jimmy and my younger brother, Ryan. Ryan came home from college yesterday and he’s been nothing but a zombie. We both have. Our house didn’t feel like home anymore without Mom and Dad. The house was filled with so many memories and materialistic things that reminded me of my parents, but now it felt like an empty shell.

I couldn’t stay in the house for another second. After waiting all day for Matthew to come see me, I finally decided to go to him. I texted him last night to let him know I’d arrived, and he said he couldn’t make it over then. He was working as a traveling vet right now. I understood his job took him away alot, but I needed him, to be in his arms, and feel his skin next to mine. If anyone could help alleviate this pain clenching around my heart, it was him.

I pulled up outside his parents’ house, my home away from home, and a calmness washed over me. I hadn’t seen Rosie in a little over a year. My startup company was keeping me pretty busy and made it hard to come home for visits. Last holiday, my parents came to me because I couldn’t get away from work.

Things were changing too much around here. Even the Langdon house wasn’t the same since Leo passed away, and that was at least five years ago. But Rosie was a saint and the strength of this entire community. She pushed her pain aside and held her family together. I had no doubt she’d help me do the same thing now.

I stepped out of my rental car and headed toward the front porch. There was a young woman, about the same age as me, sitting in the swing drinking tea. I didn’t recognize her as anyone from around here. Then again, it had been almost ten years since I moved away. Who knew how many new people moved to town while I was gone.

She sat her glass down and walked to the edge of the porch with a pleasant smile on her face. She was pretty with blond hair similar to the shade of my own.

“Hi, can I help you?” she asked.

I swallowed and struggled to not cry again. Just thinking about seeing Matthew had me all choked up. “I’m looking for Matt. Is he around?”

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