Page 40 of Choose You

She spins around and faces me. The look on her face is a mixture of anger, hurt, and need. “Matt, I can’t do this. You don't understand why this is so hard for me.”

I stop within reach of her. The tears welling up in hereyes slay me. I hate that I’m the reason she keeps crying. “Then help me understand.”

“You broke me!” she yells. Her body trembles and her hands shake at her sides. I want to reach for her, but I wait, letting her say what she needs to say. “My heart hurts constantly—like every single second of every single day. Because ofyou. My only means of survival has been distance. Because when you’re near, I can’t breathe or think or stay calm.”

She’s shaking so hard. She looks like she’s about to crumble to the ground. I step into her and cup her cheeks, supporting her body against mine. Her tears flood around my fingers as she squeezes her eyes closed. “Jessica,” I whisper and drop my forehead to hers, “I never meant to hurt you like that. Everything I did, I thought I was doing for you. I was so young and damaged back then. I only wanted what was best for you, and I didn’t think that included me.”

She takes a deep breath and steps out of my embrace. Wiping her tears dry, she sighs. “Why did you bring me here?”

“What do you mean, here?”

She lifts her arms and waves them around her. “The lake.”

“This was your favorite trail? I thought you would enjoy it.”

Her eyes are focused on our surroundings rather than me, but I can see the pain magnifying in her gaze. “Did you forget what you did the last time we were here together?” She looks back at me, the fire in her eyes is intense, like she’s ready to blow. “Do you remember what you did?”

I stumble back. Her words cut deep. Because I do remember. I remember like it was yesterday. She steps toward me, rests her hand in the middle of my chest and pushes me back. “You broke my heart right here. You took one ofmyfavorite places—a place we shared so many happy memories—and you destroyed it. Our love grew beside this lake, and our souls became one. Then you brought me here and broke up with me.”

Sitting nextto the lake with Jessica had become one of my favorite things to do. We rode out to this spot every chance we got ever sincewe started dating four years ago. The intimate moments we’ve shared here would be forever ingrained into my memory. I would miss this the most once we left for college. Tomorrow.

She was curled up in my arms with her head resting on my chest. Her light blond hair flowed over her shoulder and tickled my arm where the wind gently blew around us. All I could think about was how much I wanted to lay her back on this blanket and show her just how much I loved her. But I couldn’t. Not with what I was about to do.

I should get it over with—say what was on my mind—but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. Not yet at least.

In another effort to put off the inevitable, I pulled my pocketknife out of my pocket and wrapped a lock of her hair around my finger. She looked up at me with a suspicious eye. “What are you doing?”

I kissed her forehead and smiled. “Cutting a small lock of your hair so I’ll never forget its golden color or how soft it feels against my skin.”

She gave me a soft smile, leaned up, and kissed me. It was light and sweet and full of so much hope that it made me feel worse instead of better. “You make it sound like we’ll never see each other again. We’ll both be home in a couple months for the holidays.”

I nodded because there wasn’t anything I could say to that. I would see her in a couple months for Thanksgiving, but most likely it wouldn’t be a good visit.

I wrapped my arms tight around her and stared out over the water. The mountains were already bringing in cooler weather despite it still being summer. Another month and this very spot might see its first bit of snow.

With another deep breath, I went back to my task of clipping a lock of her hair. She chuckled and shook her head as I tied it in a knot and slipped it into my wallet.

“Laugh all you want, but in a couple weeks, I’ll be grateful I have this.”

She twisted in my arms until she was facing me, straddling my lap. She slid her arms around my neck and kissed me, only this time deeper and with enough force to make sure I never forgot what she felt like.

I easily lost myself in her lips and took control of the kiss. There wasn’t much else in this world that I enjoyed more than the feel of Jessica’s lips and tongue tangled with mine. Maybe my dick buried deep inside her, but that was a different experience altogether.

Her hand slowly ran down my chest and cupped my already hard cock. This woman drove me crazy, and I was quickly losing sight of what I was supposed to do.

I grabbed her hands and flipped her over, so she was pressed beneath my body. I held her hands over her head and kissed her like it was the last time I was ever going to taste her, feel her, love her.

Because it might very well be.

Jessica was the love of my life, my soulmate, and I was about to break her heart.

I broke our kiss and dropped my head to her chest, struggling to regain control of my hormones. I hadn’t been able to keep it in my pants since the first time we made love. We waited until we both turned eighteen before we finally had sex. It'd been a hard wait—for both of us—but it was a decision we’d made together. If we could make it until we were both technically adults, then we knew our love was real.

And our love was real, no doubt about it, which was why I had to do this now before it got harder.

Jessica ran her fingers through my hair and let out a slow breath. “Why did you stop?”

I swallowed hard, knowing I couldn’t delay a moment longer. I lifted my head and looked her in the eyes. She deserved nothing less from me. “Because we need to slow this down. Take a break.”

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