Page 38 of Choose You

Because I do need it. More than I ever realized.

I follow several steps behind Matthew to avoid any chance of touching him. Before we make it inside the barn, Joseph walks out leading a horse—saddled, and ready to go. His eyes meet mine with a huge grin.

“Hey, Jessie Cat. I hope you’re up on your riding skills. Matt’s planned some tough trails today.” He pats Matthew’s back with a chuckle.

“Don’t you worry about me. I may live in the city, but I ride every weekend.”

“You don’t say? You got a horse then?” he asks.

“Yep.” I step up to the horse he’s leading and pet her mane. “A retired jumping horse. I keep her boarded just outside Seattle.”

“Then Pippi here should be a good fit for you. She’s gentle and still jumps. If Matt ever relaxes, she’ll be a good ride for Emmie.”

“Don’t start.” Matthew groans. He disappears into the barn. I assume to get the other horse.

Joseph laughs. “He’s so easy. Maybe one of these days he’ll stop being so grumpy.”

He winks and hands me the reins. I gently introduce myself to Pippi, letting her take the time to see me and smell me before I get on. She’s a dark chestnut color with a bright reddish mane and tail. Her muscular form and elegant stance are a dead giveaway for her jumping skills. A part of me would almost rather take her to the ring and test her abilities than ride the mountain trails.

“Do you need help getting up?” Matthew’s voice is right behind me.

When I turn to look at him, he’s watching me with a raised brow.And too close. So close I can touch him. My instinct is to reach out and rest my hand on his chest—to run it around his shoulder and into his dark hair. He looks too good, too tempting. His black t-shirt fits snug around his toned chest and solid arms. He’s wearing a cream-colored hat which is a nice contrast to his tanned skin and dark brown hair. My eyes betray me, and they roam down his body, past his abs and waist. I swallow and squeeze my eyes closed at how damn good he looks in jeans.

I shake my head and step around to the stirrups, putting distance between us before I do something really stupid. “Just getting familiar with Pippi before I hop on.”

He clears his throat and looks away. I catch a glimpse of Joseph near the barn with his arms crossed over his chest still wearing a big grin like he’s in on some secret. I roll my eyes and adjust my hat. I grabbed an old cowboy hat I used to wear when I was younger from my room. It needs to be reshaped, but it fits well enough for a Sunday ride.

Once we’re both seated, Matthew leads the way toward the old trails that run along the base of the mountain behind his family’s ranch. If he’s taking the one I think he’s taking, it ends up joining a trail on my property and leads to a small lake. It’s a challenging trail, but a beautiful one.

Choosing this trail isn’t a coincidence. He knows it’s my favorite path to ride. Anytime he’d asked for my ride preference when we were younger, I always chose this trail. It may be a tough one with steep slopes, but it’s got gorgeous views of the mountains. Not to mention, the reward of the secluded lake at the end is more than worth it.

Between the brief conversation and the dance at the bar, cooking for me last night, and now leading me onto my favorite trail, this man is up to something. I just wish I knew what it was so I could protect my weak heart.

Too much more of this, and I’ll give into him—consequences be damned. No questions asked.

We takeour time getting to the lake. It’s steep in several places and Matthew said it’s been a while since either horse has been pushed this hard. Plus, I want to enjoy the view.

There’s an overlook point just before reaching the lake where the trees part providing a perfectly clear view of the vineyard. When I was younger, I’d stop and sit there for hours imagining what my life would be like once the vineyard was left to me. From here, the rows of grapevines appear to go on for miles. I can see the winery and all the outbuildings used for processing and storage. It’s grandiose and beautiful and everything I ever wanted.

But I don’t have the life I once imagined.

I’m not married to Matthew with four kids running around. I’m not managing the vineyard and making my own unique, limited varieties of wine. I don’t even officially live here. I live in Seattle and run a successful outdoors and sporting goods apparel company.

With the vineyard under my management, part of that imagined life can be mine. I think I’ve made up my mind to stay, but I don’t know how to do that and keep my heart safe from more pain.

Staying to run the vineyard doesn’t solve my problems with the house. Do I kick Matthew and Emmie out or make a new home somewhere else? Would I survive living this close to Matthew knowing he can never be mine again? There’s too much pain lingering in our past to ever find our way into a happy and blissful future.

Isn’t there?

Loving him isn’t the problem. Trusting him is.

My love for him is everlasting, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to forgive him like Adam suggested.

I pull myself away from the overlook and continue down the last trek of the trail. Matthew didn’t stop when I did, and by the time I reach the lake, he’s setting out lunch.

I tie Pippi next to Jagar, Matthew’s horse, and take a deep breath. He’s put down a blanket and has unpacked a picnic lunch. It’s very romantic and in another time, I would’ve been swooning over his preparation. But considering our circumstances, I’m nervous.

“I made your favorite, turkey with Swiss.” He hands me a wrapped sandwich, and I sit down on the blanket.

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