Page 33 of Choose You

The anger in her eyes intensifies and her hands clench into fists. “If you wanted civili—”

I place a finger on her lips to cut her off before she says something that cuts too deep. “I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes that ultimately hurt you. I apologize for all of it. I will continue to apologize until the end of time. At some point, I hope you’ll talk to me about it. There are things I’d like to say. But it’s been one hell of a week, and tonight I’d really like to relax. Maybe enjoy your company, even dance with you, if you’ll let me.”

Her eyes widen and her anger subsides. “You want me to dance with you?”

“Yes.” I take a drink of my beer. She straightens her back and pushes her hands against the table. I can’t tell if she’s going to object or get up and leave. “Or … we can just talk.”

“Talk?” She looks at me like I’ve suggested something truly outrageous.

“Yes, talk.” I chuckle, hoping it will calm her enough, so she’ll stay.

She sits back in her chair and crosses her arms over her chest. I relax. That is until my eyes shift down to her cleavage. My heart rate increases, and my dick perks up at the sight of her chest. I quickly divert my eyes back to hers. She still doesn’t look happy, but at least she’s not leaving. “What would we even talk about?”

I regard her for a moment. There are so many things I want to ask her about. We haven't spoken for five years and there’s so much about her life that I don’t know. “How about your business? I’d love to hear more about what you’ve done with your company. I hear you’re quite successful.”

Her expression doesn’t change. She just stares at me like she expects me to disappear at any moment. Or maybe she just wants me to disappear. “You want to hear more about my business?”

I laugh. “Are you going to take everything I say and turn it into a question?”

She shrugs and picks up her beer. “No. I just didn’t think you were interested in it.”

“Of course, I’m interested. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“When we were younger, you always got antsy and acted like you didn’t want to hear about it. I tried so many times to tell you what I was doing and how it was going, and you always changed the subject.”

She’s not wrong. Her business dreams scared me. She was so ambitious, and I was afraid her career would take her away from me. I added that to the reasons why I pushed her away. “Clearly, I was an idiot when I was younger.”

She smiles and my heart soars. “Not gonna argue with you there.”

The live band takes a break and a slow song blasts through the speakers. Our friends and my siblings leave the dance floor, but they don’t return to our table. My eye catches Joseph’s as he heads to the bar. He nods as if telling me he’s giving me space and time with Jessica.

I shift my gaze back to the dance floor and it's filling up with couples dancing to the slow music. All I can think about is holding Jessica that close and feeling her body next to mine. I want to press my lips to hers and run my hand down her back and gently squeeze her ass. There was a time I could do that without question—a time when she was mine.

Her eyes meet mine again, and there’s something softer in the way she’s looking at me now. I know it’s wishful thinking, but I really hope she’s thinking what I’m thinking. That she wants to be close to me, same as I want to be close to her. She hasn’t walked away from me yet, which is progress. So, I take a chance.

I hold out my hand. “Dance with me?”

She stares at my outstretched hand. The silence between us grows and I can feel the war she’s currently having with herself. She wants to say yes, but she’s fighting against it.

“Please, Jessica. It’s just a dance.” Her eyes shoot to mine. I so rarely call her Jessica. I only ever called her that when I was serious and really needed to get her attention. I got it now.

She nods and takes my hand. My nerves relax but my heart picks up speed. Her hand feels so damn good in mine. I lead her to the dance floor and pull her body flush against me. She gasps and her arms stiffen around my shoulders. I should probably leave moredistance between us. We’re more like strangers now than lovers, but I need her close to me.

With one arm around her waist, I take one of her hands and squeeze it with mine. I hold it close to my chest and drop my head next to hers. Her arm around my shoulder relaxes and she eventually drops her cheek to my chest and rests it against me.

It feels so good to have her in my arms again. It feels right. She belongs next to me—always.

We remain like this without speaking—slowly turning her around the dance floor—for the entirety of the song. When the next song starts, another slow one, she starts to pull away but I tighten my arm around. She lifts her head and opens her mouth to speak, but she stops when her eyes meet mine. I don’t know what she sees, but whatever it is, it causes her to stay with me for another dance. I want to tell her what I’m feeling—put what she sees in my eyes into words. But I don’t. Instead, I just hold her. Dance with her.

She drops her head back to my chest and I feel her take a deep breath like she’s struggling to maintain some level of control. I hear a faint sniffle and I run my hand up her back and around the base of her neck. I don’t want her to cry anymore, or ever again. Especially not because of my dumb ass.

The song ends and the next one is a fast one. She steps back from me, and I release her. She wipes her face—confirming she was crying—then turns and walks away.

I want to reach for her, to pull her back into my arms and tell her how much I love her. But this time, I don’t follow her.

I let her go.

With Emmie situatedat her riding lesson with Leann, I head to the main barn to find Joseph. Emmie is still begging me to let her ride a full-size horse. She’s been riding her pony like a champ for months. She’s tall for her age and could probably handle it, but I don’t think I can. She’s all I have. I’ve already lost the woman I love. I wouldn’t survive if I lost Emmie, too.

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