Page 32 of Choose You

After David and Blaire left yesterday, I decided to stay in my old bedroom. It’s closer to Emmie’s and Matthew’s bedrooms, making it harder to avoid them, but it feels more like home. Emmie likes having me across the hall from her. She sneaks into my room when she knows I’m in here and talks my ear off about horses. She’s a sweet kid, and as much as it pains me to admit, I’m starting to really like her. She’s wormed her way into my heart, making it a lot harder for me to decide what to do about the house.

Ryan left this morning. He had to get back to his team before their next game. I wish he could’ve stayed longer. It was nice spending time with him. I hope we do a better job at making time for each other moving forward.

He thinks I should sell the house to Matthew. He also isn’t opposed to selling the vineyard, but I don’t think I can do it. The vineyard was always my dream, not his. Despite the success of my outdoors apparel company, it's still my dream. It’ll be an adjustment,and my role in my company will have to change, but I know I can do both.

There’s a loud knock on the front door downstairs, and I check the time. It’s almost seven. We plan on grabbing dinner before we head to Stocks and Stables. I thought Matthew would be home long before now, and I’d see him before I left. A tinge of disappointment washes through me, and I scold myself for even thinking like that. I need to stop thinking about him so much and push him out of my mind, but I can’t seem to get Adam’s words out of my head.

Love and forgiveness go hand-in-hand.

Is it really that simple? I doubt it, but it's a nice notion, nonetheless.

Walkinginto Stocks and Stables on a Friday night is like going back in time. I’d hardly recognized the place when it was set up for Uncle Jimmy’s service, but now it looks just like I remember. Same stage with a live band playing hit country songs, crowded dance floor of mostly girls attempting the latest country line dance, and a bar lined with cowboys watching the girls shake their hips.

I don’t see him, but I know Matthew is here. I can feel him. I’ve always been able to feel when he’s nearby. Even that first day by the creek when he tried to steal my horse, I felt someone’s presence.

I follow Gracie and Leann toward an empty table along the wall. It’s close to the dance floor and is positioned so we can see most of the bar without obstruction. I instinctively search the large open room, seeking one thing. My eyes land on his, and I suck in a breath. Matthew is standing at the bar with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes glued to mine. Even from here I can see the heat in his eyes. My body has a mind of its own and my thighs clench together. I ache for this man. Every inch of my body still wants him, and only him, despite his betrayal.

“Earth to Jessica,” Gracie calls from behind me. I turn around and she and Leann are both staring at me with knowing grins. “You good with a pitcher of beer?”

“Sure, that’s fine.” I take a seat beside Gracie. The waitressfinishes with our order and leaves.

When I look up, Gracie and Leann are still staring at me. “What?”

Gracie shrugs and glances at Leann who leans forward with a grin on her face. “We’re just wondering how long you’re going to put yourself through this?”

“Put myself through what?”

“Denying yourself Matt,” Leann says in a very matter-of-fact tone. “It’s so obvious you still love him. And I know for a fact he still loves you. What I don’t understand, none of us actually, is why you two aren’t together?”

I cover my face with my hands and muffle a groan. From the way everyone’s been acting, I can only assume Matthew never told anyone what really happened between us. When I remove my hands, they’re both staring at me like they’re waiting for an answer. “Listen, Matt’s the one that broke up with me. He’s the one that went off to vet school, met another woman, and then married her. It’s kinda hard to be with someone when they marry someone else.”

“Did you ever ask him why he married Emily?” Leann asks.

I start to reply but Joseph walks up to our table with Matthew and another guy I don’t know. “Evening ladies,” Joseph says as he squeezes a chair in between me and Gracie. “Y’all feel like dancing?”

I roll my eyes and do my best to pretend Matthew isn’t standing behind me. The other guy with them sits down next to Leann and reaches out a hand. “Hi, I’m Sam. I don’t believe we’ve met. I work on the ranch with Joe.”

I take his hand and smile. “Nice to meet you.”

Before I have a chance to say anything else, Gracie and Leann jump up. “Come on, guys. Let’s go.” Gracie grabs Joseph’s hand and Leann grabs Sam’s and they head to the dance floor, leaving me alone with Matthew.

“Real subtle,” I yell after them. Gracie turns to me with a mischievous grin and waves her fingers in a playful motion.

Matthew slides into the seat beside me just as the waitress brings us our pitcher of beer. She sits a full mug in front of me. I pick it up, and down half of it in one drink. If I’m going to be forced to be near Matthew tonight, I’m going to need some liquid courage.

CHAPTER 12

MATTHEW

Jessica drinks half her beer before she drops it to the table with a loud clunk. She looks uncomfortable and maybe even a little angry that I’m here. If I were a smart man, which clearly I’m not, I’d leave her alone. But I can’t make myself walk away. I never could resist that fire in her eyes. Plus, I want her back.

Her eyes roam the bar, focused anywhere except where I’m sitting. I shouldn’t stare, but I can’t take my eyes off her. The soft line of her jaw, her plump lips, thick eye lashes, and shiny blond hair are the only things I have eyes for tonight. I want to reach out and run my fingers through that hair. Maybe even clench my fist at the base of her neck, grabbing hold of it and pulling her to me. Damn, I bet that would feel good.

There was a time I could do that without repercussions. Before I fucked everything up and pushed her away. I’d been so stupid back then. But it was also a dark time for me. I struggled with my past and sense of self-worth. Basically, I didn’t have any and didn’t think I deserved her or the family that adopted me. I never talked to anyone about how hard those years were for me. It was something I had to work through alone.

She finally shifts her eyes to mine and scowls. “Are you just gonna sit there and stare at me all night, or do you think you might leaveanytime soon?”

I lean forward and rest my elbows on the table. “Can we not fight? It’d be nice to have a civilized conversation with you.”