Page 27 of Choose You

When I asked Ryan where she’s been going all day, he said when they weren’t making funeral arrangements she was working out of Sweet Cakes. I don’t know why she doesn’t just work here all day. If her goal is to avoid me, she doesn’t have to worry. I’m at work. She can have the house to herself.

I’d tell her as much if she’d stick around long enough for me to talk.

“I’m ready, Daddy.” Emmie runs down the stairs and right into the backs of my legs.

I reach around and scoop her into my arms. “Let me get a good look at you.” I wrinkle my nose and pretend to give her a critical eye. “How about I fix that ponytail you’ve made? Run back upstairs and get your brush.”

I smile after my daughter. The things I never thought I’d do. But somehow over the past few years I’ve become the master hair braider and ponytail maker. The first time I tried to brush Emmie’s hair was a complete disaster. First, I was too gentle and none of the knots and tangles would come out. Next, I was too rough and pulled her hair too hard and made her cry. When my sister, Leann, came over and handed me a bottle of detangler after hearing me breakdown one night at dinner, I rejoiced. That one little hair brushing product is a lifesaver.

After that, I decided if I was going to rock at being a single dad, I needed to learn a lot more than just how to brush Emmie’s hair. I needed to know how to fix it, too. YouTube quickly became my best friend and Emmie ended up with the best hair in town. After learning a few quick tips and tricks, it turns out hair braiding isn’t all that difficult. But ponytails are definitely way faster.

I’m waiting on the couch when she runs back down and hands me her brush. “Here. Sit down in front of me.”

I brush out a few remaining tangles and quickly get it pulled into a neat ponytail. “Do you want to wear one of your bows?”

“Not today.”

“You sure? You love your bows.”

She nods and turns to face me with a serious expression. “My bows are too happy for today. I don’t want to upset Jessica.”

I smile and kiss her cheek. How did I get so lucky to have such a great kid? “You’re awesome, kiddo. I’m sure Jess will appreciate your consideration.”

She looks down at her hands and fiddles with the ribbon around her waist. She even insisted on wearing a black dress even though I tried to put her in one of her favorite pink ones.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart?”

She shifts her eyes to mine. All I see is sadness and concern. “Is Jessica mad at us?”

“Oh, Emmie.” I pull her into my arms and give her a big hug. “Why would you think that?”

She shrugs. “She hasn’t been here since that first day. I thought she liked me and would ride with me.”

“I know for certain that she’s not mad at you. She’s just been busy preparing for today. Maybe she’ll have time once we get through this day. Okay?”

Emmie nods, but she doesn’t look convinced. “Why does Ryan have time for us then? Isn’t he also helping with today?”

Damn. This kid is way too observant. Ryan and I had been careful with our conversations and made sure we never said anything about Jessica or the house until Emmie was in bed. I guess that wasn’t enough.

“That has nothing to do with it. As the oldest, Jessica has taken on most of the responsibility. Plus, Jessica and Ryan are grieving differently. Ryan wants to be around others right now, but Jessica needs some time to herself.”

She seems to be contemplating my last words and for a moment I think she’s going to object to my explanation. But she shrugs and hugs me. “It’s really sad losing people you love. I bet you were really sad when Mommy died.”

I stiffen at the mention of her mom. I was sad when Emily died, but not for the right reasons. I was sad my child lost her mother. I was sad something bad happened to Emily. She didn’t deserve to die or miss out on raising her child any more than Emmie deserved to miss out on life without a mom. I loved Emily in my own way, and I mourned her death, but I was neverinlove with her. I’ve only ever been in love with one person, and that person can’t even be in the same room with me right now. “I was sad. But I was mostly sad that you’d never get to meet your mommy. I never wanted that for you.”

“I know, Daddy. But I’m okay. I’ve got you.”

“Yes, you do, kiddo.” I kiss the top of her head and stand with her still in my arms. “You ready? I think we’re officially late.”

I grab my keys off the hook by the door and head out to my truck. I may not get the chance to talk to Jessica today, but at least she won’t be able to hide from me. If all I get is the chance to look at her, I’ll take it. But I’m hoping for a lot more.

The graveside servicewas short and to the point, but more people showed up than I think Jessica or Ryan expected. Several people went straight to Stocks and Stables to help prepare the final details for the main service, but most of the town paid their respects graveside.

Jessica cried almost the entire time. It killed me to not be the one comforting her. My arms ached to hold her close—to tell her everything would be okay. But I’m not sure everything will be okay after this.

So much of my life is balancing on the edge of a cliff and dangerously close to tipping over. One wrong move, and it’ll all come crashing down into a pile of rubbish.

I still have no clue what she plans to do about the house. Ryan doesn’t either. He said she refuses to talk about it anytime he brings it up. Because of that, I should be more concerned about losing my home and my business, but all I can think about is pulling her into my arms and making her feel better.

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