Page 79 of Mistaken Intention

“It just feels like I’ve always loved you,” I say, hoping that sounds real. It’s certainly true.

He smiles. “I know what you mean… but then my memories begin and end with you.”

I wish he hadn’t said that. It’s a lovely, romantic thing to have said, but it’s a reminder of everything I’m keeping from him… all the secrets, and all the lies.

Except, when it comes down to it, I love him and he loves me, and that’s the only truth that matters.

He dips his head, his tongue sweeping into my mouth, his lips crushed to mine as he starts to move again. I match his rhythm, raising my hips to his, loving not only him, but the wayhe feels, the way he loves me. He’s gentle, but assertive, taking me just as I hoped he would… showing me how good this can be.

He breaks the kiss, breathless, his eyes on fire, as he kneels up, lifting my right leg onto his shoulder and twisting me at my waist, so my hips are at an angle, but my shoulders are still flat on the mattress. Changing position, he straddles my left leg, going even deeper inside me, my breath catching in my throat as he pumps into me, harder and harder, until a sheen of sweat forms on his chest. With one arm clamped around my thigh, he moves the other hand down, his thumb circling over my clitoris.

“More, Drew. Give me more.”

He rubs harder, taking me deeper, controlling my body… my destiny.

“You want more?”

“I want everything.” I’m not altogether sure I know what ‘everything’ is, but I know I want it all with him.

“I’ll give you everything,” he whispers. “Everything I have.”

He increases the pace, both of us breathing hard, oblivious to everything except our bodies pitching, plunging, hurtling to their journey’s end.

I reach the precipice with no warning this time… no quivering, no tingling… just falling unbounded, tumbling down through mists and stars, wrapped in a bliss of whispered love as Drew’s body stiffens. I open my eyes long enough to see the rapture on his face, to watch his lips move as he echoes back his love for me, to see his muscles tense as he pushes deep inside me. Then I feel it… the moment of his release. It’s like absolution, washing over me… like all my lies are forgiven.

If only that could be true.

I cling to him, unwilling to let go, and he lowers my leg and turns us onto our sides, facing each other, still connected.

“You okay?” he asks, his voice hoarse, filled with emotion.

“Yes. You?”

“Better than I ever thought I’d be.” He smiles, brushing his fingertips down my cheek, his eyes wandering over my face, like the stranger he thinks I am. “God, I love you.”

“I love you.”

He wraps his leg around me, pulling me closer. He’s still hard inside me, but neither of us is in a hurry to do anything about that. For myself, I’m bone tired, happy to lie here enfolded in his arms. Drew seems contented too, just looking at me. I don’t feel embarrassed by his gaze. It feels as though I’m the center of his world… and I love that.

He hasn’t said anything about contraception. He didn’t ask if he needed to use it, and he hasn’t acknowledged the fact that he didn’t. Obviously, it doesn’t matter, but he doesn’t know that… and I wonder if I should bring it up myself, to put his mind at rest.

Except he’s clearly not worried.

And I’m not sure how I’d go about explaining. I’m hiding so much from him already, but this deceit feels like the worst of all. Unlike my other lies, this isn’t about him; it’s about me. And it isn’t about the past, either. It’s about the future. A future he might want to have one day… but which I can never give him.

“What’s wrong?” He breaks into my thoughts.

“Nothing. How could anything be wrong when I’m lying here like this?” He smiles. “What made you ask?”

“The sadness in your eyes.”

I hadn’t realized I looked sad, and I smile up at him, kissing him back when his lips touch mine and doing my best to reconcile the lies and the regrets.

I can’t regret this, though. I could never regret this.

I just wish it didn’t have to be so shrouded in pretense.

He pulls back and I gaze into his eyes, willing him to remember… not just me, but all of it. Drew regaining his memory will almost certainly complicate things even more, andtake us down an unpredictable path. He’s bound to be upset about the secrets I’ve kept. But, if we’re going to be together, then his past coming back to our present, and forming a future for us both, is the only hope we’ve got.

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