Page 37 of Mistaken Intention

“I’ll get you some more painkillers, and we’ll leave getting you up for a while longer.”

I’m grateful for that, although I feel incredibly weak and pathetic for being unable to even sit up in my own bed.

She leaves the room, returning within moments with some tablets, which I swallow down with the water she offers.

“Am I allowed to know your name?” I ask, resting my head against the pillow.

“Yes. I’m Josie.”

“That’s nice.”

“Thank you. Now… get some rest and I’ll come back in a little while.”

I want to ask her not to go, but I don’t have the strength… and besides, she said she’d be back.

The door closes and I’m surprised how much I miss her already. There’s something about her that makes me feel safe, and I need that at the moment. I close my eyes, which seems to ease the throbbing in my head, and try to remember…

She said there was an accident. She mentioned the word concussion, although that doesn’t mean a thing to me. I know what it means, but it’s like there’s nothing in my head as to how I came to be concussed. It’s just a void, and the harder I try to think, the worse it gets.

What if they can’t help me? What if I can never remember who I am, or where I’m from, or how I came to be here? How will I live the rest of my life in this shadow world of never understanding anything?

I open my eyes again and look around the room. The light seems brighter, my head feels a little better and I realize I’ve been asleep, although I don’t know how long for. Time doesn’tseem to matter, or to mean anything, and I wonder about trying to sit up again. The problem is, I’m scared. What will I do if I feel dizzy and sick again? Will I have to spend the rest of my life lying here in bed?

The door opens and I look up, unable to stop that smile touching my lips as Josie comes back in. I remembered her name and I feel a small sense of triumph over that.

“Feeling better?” she asks.

“My headache’s gone, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“It wasn’t.” She comes over to the bed and looks down at me. “How are you?”

“To be honest, I’m terrified.”

She nods her head. “It’s okay. We don’t think any of this will last.”

“Y—You knew that was what I was frightened of? That I’d be like this forever?”

“Yes. I can’t imagine what it must feel like, but it’s got to be scary, feeling so sick and knowing nothing about yourself.”

“It is. Can you remind me of my name again?”

She shakes her head. “No. I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m not supposed to tell you anything. You have to try to remember for yourself. Your brain will mend itself. You just have to give it time.”

“You’re sure about that?”

“As sure as I can be.” She smiles. “Do you want to try getting up again?”

“After last time, not particularly.”

“I’m right here. I won’t let anything happen.”

Those are the most reassuring words I’ve heard so far, and I throw back the covers, deciding to try properly this time. She takes my arm, holding me while I sit up and swing my legs around until I’m perched on the edge of the bed, my feet on the floor.

“That’s a weird sensation.”

“It will be. But give it a minute. You’ll soon get used to it.”

I take a few deep breaths, and after a short while, I feel a lot better.

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