“Well, she would, wouldn’t she? We both knew you already had a child. We just weren’t allowed to tell you.”
“Yeah… and look where that got us.”
“I know. It hasn’t worked out as well as any of us would have wanted.”
“No shit.” I suck in a breath, letting it out slowly and shaking my head. “Hiding things and keeping secrets, it’s caused nothing but trouble. You know… after you’d gone to sit in the car, I asked her why she hadn’t told me about her illness before and she said she couldn’t, even though it wasn’t about me. I thought that was odd, but I didn’t question it too much. I was just so relieved to have her back. Now, I’m wondering if she chose not to tell me until she was cornered into doing so, in case she accidentally revealed something from our shared past.”
“I guess that’s possible.”
“I think it’s more than possible. It’s highly probable.”
“And? What’s your point?”
“That it’s another lie to add to the list.”
“You’ve gotta stop thinking like that. They’re not lies.”
“What the fuck are they, then?”
He purses his lips. “I don’t know. But it sounds like you’re suggesting Josie was keeping things from you for her own benefit, which she wasn’t. She was doing it because she believed it was in your best interests.”
“Then she was wrong,” I yell, and he takes his foot off of the gas, applying it to the brake and pulling up at the side of the road.
“Are you gonna talk to her like this when we catch up with her?” he says, slamming the car into ‘park’ and turning to faceme. “Because if you are, I’m gonna turn around and take you straight back to the house.” He stares at me. “She didn’t lie to you.” I raise my eyebrows. “Not intentionally.”
“Maybe not, but look at where we’ve ended up.”
“And this is all her fault, is it?”
“Why? Are you saying it’s mine? I’m not the one who keeps running away.”
He takes a deep breath. “No, but I heard her story earlier. Her childhood sounds kinda fractured.”
“And ours wasn’t?”
“It was. Entirely. But we always had each other. You, me and Ella. We had Pat and Mick, too, and I can honestly say we’ve never been alone, despite everything our parents did. You think Josie can say that? It sounded to me like she’d lived a solitary life, even when her mom was alive, but then her mom died when she was seventeen. Seventeen, Drew. When you were that age, you wouldn’t have known where to start, and neither would I, but it seems like Josie fended for herself from then on. She didn’t have anyone. She was used to being alone… even to cutting herself off when she had to. Think about it… she hadn’t seen Lexi since Maisie’s birth. That was a choice she made to protect herself from her feelings for you.”
“But I don’t understand it. She’s not alone now. She’s got me.”
“Has she?”
“What does that mean?”
“What do you think?” he says. “She asked if you still loved her, and what did you say?”
“Nothing. But I was hurt. Surely, she understood that.”
“She asked you the question, Drew. You had the chance to prove yourself to her.”
And I didn’t. I failed her.I close my eyes, opening them again after just a couple of seconds. “Shit… I fucked up, didn’t I?”
“Yes.”
“Take me to her… please.”
He sits still, glaring at me. “Are you gonna yell at her?”
“No. I just wanna talk.”