Page 121 of Mistaken Intention

“No. You don’t understand. What I mean is, don’t think about the blanks. Just come to terms with what you know for now… if you can.”

He takes a deep breath. “That’s gonna take some doing.”

“There’s no rush.”

“Really? You think I enjoy having all these holes in my memory still? I’m not sure it wasn’t easier to live in total ignorance than to have a half-baked idea of my past.”

“Which is why I should have managed this better. I’m sorry, Drew. I wish it hadn’t all come out like this.”

He sighs and rubs his hand down his face. “I need some time by myself.” Hunter steps forward, but Drew holds up a hand, halting him. “I know what you’re gonna say. I get that I’m a father and I have responsibilities, but I can’t deal with them yet. Okay? I’m not ready. First, I need to take in at least some of what you’ve told me.” He turns, looking down at me, although I can’t read his face. “I’m going for a walk.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” I ask, but he shakes his head. Why would he? I’m just his nurse.

He takes a step away, but I reach out, grabbing his arm. This time he doesn’t shake me off, but he looks at my hand, pale against his darker skin, and then raises his eyes to mine. “Do you hate me?” I ask.

“Of course not. I can’t hate you.”

“Do you still love me?”

He stares at me for a long moment and then pulls his arm away. Tears prick my eyes, and he cups my face in his hand,sighing deeply, like he wants to do more, but can’t. “I need some time… okay?”

He moves away again. “Drew… wait.”

He turns back. “What is it?” He sounds a little impatient, like he’s desperate to be somewhere else… anywhere else.

“I—I need to play you something, before you go.”

“Play me something?”

“Yes.” I pull out my phone. “It’s a recording of a message you sent me.” I find it quickly and turn up the volume, holding my phone between us, so he can hear…

“Hi, Josie. It’s me, Drew. It’s been a long time, and I know I should’ve been in touch before now, but… the… the thing is, I—I wanted to ask if we could meet up? I’m at the airport. I’m flying back from Rome today, and going down to Newport with Maisie and… and her mom, but I wondered… can I call you? We need to talk, or I think we do. Obviously, if I’ve mis-read everything, you’ll be wondering what on earth I’m talking about, in which case I apologize for disturbing you, and it’s probably best if you stop listening now…” While the recording pauses, I look up at Drew’s face. He seems bewildered, his mouth slightly open, like he’s trying to remember a time when he might have said these words. “If you’re still listening, I guess I didn’t mis-read things, so the next question is, do you want to see me again? If you’ve moved on, or you’re with someone else now, or you just don’t want to have anything more to do with me, after everything that’s happened, that’s fine… well, it isn’t, but I’ll understand. This is complicated, and it’s a lot harder for you than it is for me. I get that, and I’m sorry. Truly, I am. I should have said that a long time ago, but I’m really sorry, Josie.” I hold my phone a little tighter at the sound of Drew’s cough, and the emotion I know is behind it. “The timing was dreadful, and if it’s all too much for you, then just ignore me. I’ll get the message and I won’t hassle you. If you think you’d like to meet up, call me. I’llfit in with whatever you need… whatever you want. I just wanna see you again, Josie.” There’s a pause, but I wait, knowing there’s more to come. “Call me… please.” The message ends and I lower my phone, looking up into his face.

“I picked that up right before I found out about the accident. I’d just finished my shift and your message was on my phone. It had been there all day, but I hadn’t had time to look. I listened to it and I let myself hope that maybe you wanted more than friendship… that somehow, we could be together.”

He nods his head. “That makes sense. Obviously I can’t be sure of my meaning, but I’d said I wanted to see you again, and from the tone of my voice, it sounded like I was looking for something more than we’d had before.”

I nod my head.

“That was what I thought. I wondered if I should call you. I wanted to, so badly… but I realized you’d be in the car with Lexi, driving to Newport, so I waited. Then I went down in the elevator, thinking I’d call you when I got home, and on my way through the ER, I saw Maisie, and they told me about the accident.” I look up into his bewildered eyes. “I know I could have come clean. It wouldn’t have been easy, but I could have admitted who I was to the doctors, and to your family. Except my sister had just died, and even if she and I weren’t that close, I wanted to be with Maisie, to hold on to her, and take care of her for Lexi, and for you… and I wanted to be with you, too. It all happened so fast, I didn’t have time to think clearly about the trouble I was storing up for both of us. I just wanted to cling to the love I’d come so close to tasting. And then, when I realized what was wrong with you, I wanted to help you. Because I knew I could.” I move a little closer. “I made a mistake, Drew. A big one. I took advantage of the situation… and of you. It wasn’t done to hurt you, though. It was done with the best ofintentions. You have to believe me. You were there, and you needed me, and I—I couldn’t risk losing you again.”

He doesn’t say a word. Instead, he just stares at me, breathing steadily in and out, and I know it’s too late.

There’s no way back for us.

I turn, running for the cottage, tears streaming down my cheeks, because this time, I know he won’t follow.

I’m on my own.

Right where I deserve to be.

***

Drew

I watch Josie go, and while my heart is telling me to follow, my head is holding me back.

I want to talk to her, to tell her we’ll be okay, to reassure her that, even though I couldn’t say the words just now, I still love her, more than anything. But first, I need to be alone. I need to be sure that when I say the words, they come out right, with no anger, or frustration, or blame attached to them.

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