I know. But despite my reaction at the pool yesterday, and despite the awkward atmosphere that’s shrouded us ever since,I’ve thought of nothing but this moment for so long. That has to make it right, doesn’t it?
No.
I have to resist. It’s for his benefit, even more than mine, and I swore to put his needs first. I promised…
I pull back, looking up at him.
“W—We can’t do this,” I say.
He frowns down at me, breathing hard. “Why not?”
I need an answer… quickly. “You’re my patient, Drew.”
“And? Does that mean I can’t want you? Does that mean you can’t want me back? Because it’s no good pretending you don’t anymore. Your kiss gave you away, and so did your body. I felt your need. You want this just as much as I do.”
“Maybe I do.” I can’t deny it. There wouldn’t be any point. “But it’s only been a few days since your accident. You need time to recover.”
He smiles, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “You’ll just have to be gentle with me.”
That’s exactly what I might have said to him, in different circumstances, but it’s the last thing I need to hear right now. It just reinforces the other reason this can’t happen… why I can’t let it happen.
Tears well in my eyes, and I step away, shaking my head.
“What’s wrong, Josie?” he asks, his voice filled with concern.
“Nothing. It’s just that it’s not as simple as you think.”
The first tear hits my cheek and as he reaches out to me, I break away, turning and running for the cottage.
It only takes a few minutes to get back, but as I close the door behind me, I’m out of breath… and out of ideas. He saw right through me, which I guess is no surprise. I’ve struggled to hide my feelings for days now. If he got close enough, he was always going to see me for who I am. And why shouldn’t he?Why can’t we be happy, just because of bad timing and a past he can’t remember?
I suck in a breath, stepping further into the room and resting my hands on my hips.
If only it was that easy.
Even if I could ignore the past – which I’m sorely tempted to do – there’s still the other problem…
The door bursts open, and I jump, turning to see Drew standing on the threshold. My lips tingle, recalling his kiss, and my stomach lurches, knowing I want more.
He comes inside, closing the door again and puts the camera on the cabinet, walking over and standing right in front of me, although he doesn’t get too close, leaving a gap of nearly a foot between us.
“I’m sorry, Josie,” he says.
There’s an intensity in his gaze that’s unnerving.
“What for?” I hope to God he’s not apologizing for that kiss. That would be so humiliating.
“I’m sorry I upset you, and please don’t say I didn’t,” he says, and he reaches out, brushing the tear away from my cheek… the evidence that makes denying his statement utterly pointless. “If I hurt you, I didn’t mean to, and if I said the wrong thing again…”
“It’s not your fault.” I can’t bear it that he keeps blaming himself.
He moves a little closer. “Maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t, but I get the feeling your life would be an awful lot easier if I didn’t want you so much. I mean… I have no idea how I’d go about achieving it, but would you be happier if I could somehow stop myself from needing you every minute of the day?”
I can’t answer him. How can I, when I love being wanted by him? How can I, when I’m so in love with him? I just wish Iknew how we could make this work. I wish I knew what to say to him.
“Answer me, Josie.”
“It’s not that simple.”