Page 5 of Mistaken Intention

Lexi has never been the size of a house, even when she was pregnant, but I nod my head anyway, regardless of the fact that she can’t see me, and whisper, “Yes.”

I’ve done my best to forget that fateful day, even though I welcomed the safe arrival of my niece.

Lexi and I may have grown up together, my mom having met her dad when I was three and she was two, neither of us remembering a life without the other in it, but we always knew we weren’t really sisters. We always knew there was a void between us, which only became wider as we grew up. Still, herpregnancy, her fears about raising a child by herself, her father’s blank refusal to accept the situation, and her need to share the experience with someone else brought us closer together. It was hard, but I supported her, and she came to stay with me every so often, partly so she could see Drew, and partly for a change of scene, I think. The last such visit occurred just a week before the baby was due, and although I thought she was mad for coming, I couldn’t talk her out of it. Neither of us expected her to go into labor while she was here, though, and I was just relieved I had enough nursing experience to know what to do, and to stay calm while doing it, taking her to the hospital in my car.

“Stay with me.” She clutched at my hand as she was taken to a delivery room, her eyes pleading with mine. “Don’t leave.”

“Of course I’m not gonna leave.”

“And call Drew.” She handed me her phone, putting me in the unbearable position of having to tell the man I loved that his child was about to be born.

I found his number in her contacts and, as she breathed her way through another contraction, I waited for him to pick up.

“Lexi? What’s wrong?”

“It’s not Lexi. It’s Josie.”

“Oh, my God.” His voice was a whisper, and hearing it broke my heart. “H—Has something happened?”

“Lexi’s gone into labor. I’ve brought her to Mass General. We’re…”

“Don’t worry. I’ll find you.”

He hung up then, and I braced myself for what I knew was to come.

Drew arrived about twenty minutes later, looking concerned, and he took my place by Lexi’s side. She made it clear she wanted me to stay, despite his presence, and I watched, playing the dutiful sister and would-be aunt, while shegave birth to the daughter of the only man I was ever going to love.

Watching him cry when he looked at his newborn daughter was too painful for words. But I painted on a smile and made all the right noises, offering to let Lexi come back to my place, but giving in more than gracefully when she accepted Drew’s invitation to stay at his city apartment for a few days instead.

“I know it’s small, but…”

She smiled at him. “Yeah, I remember.”

That was an unwanted reminder of their time together… that she’d stayed there before.

He didn’t smile back, but just nodded his head. “You’re welcome to use the guest bedroom for as long as you like.”

“Okay.” She stared up at him, and I knew I was intruding.

I made myself scarce, but heard from Lexi a week later that she’d gone back to New York. They were falling over each other in Drew’s apartment, and it was causing tension between them. I tried not to feel triumphant, although it was hard.

“He’s come back with me,” she said, bursting my bubble.

“He’s staying at your apartment?”

“No, at a hotel around the corner. The one he always stays at when he visits.”

“Oh.”

“We kinda planned it this way. Except I was supposed to give birth here, and Drew was gonna stay on for a while afterwards, to spend time with Maisie.”

They had plans. They had a life together, even if they weren’t a couple anymore, and I knew then that it was too late for me and Drew. We’d had our chance and lost it.

I cried myself to sleep every night for a week or more. My tears weren’t just for Drew, though. I missed him and I wanted him, but that wasn’t the only reason my heart ached. I mighthave been an aunt, but I’d never be a mother, and for the first time in a very long time, that hurt…

“Are you still there?” I jump, realizing I’ve fallen silent for far too long.

“Yes. Sorry. I was just thinking.”

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