“It’s yours,” she said, like she’d read my mind. “I know you’re probably wondering, but I haven’t slept with anyone since we were together.”
“But you were on birth control. You told me.”
“Yeah.” I heard her swallow. “Do you remember everyone getting sick when we were in the Caribbean?”
“Of course.”
“Well… I was sick myself, a couple of days before you arrived.” I felt my stomach churn, knowing what was coming next. “My birth control pills didn’t work.”
“No, they wouldn’t.” I couldn’t blame her. I should have used a condom. And in any case, it was too late to play the blame game. Except… “Why have you waited until now to tell me?”
“Because I’ve only just found out. I’ve never been very… um… regular, but I’ve just returned from an assignment in California and I while I was out there, I started feeling really nauseous. It was mostly in the mornings, but sometimes later in the day, too. I thought nothing of it. I’ve been busy, not eating regularly, and I assumed I was just over-tired, because I’ve been so sleepy, too. When I got back home, my agent had sent me an email notifying me of another assignment in Miami, and I needed to check the dates on my calendar, which was when I noticed how long it had been since my last period. Like I say, that’s not unusual for me, but then I put two and two together with the nausea and the tiredness, and I thought I should probably do a test…”
“And it was positive?” I didn’t know why I asked that question, when I already knew the answer. I guess it was nerves… or fear.
“Yeah. I’m sorry, Drew.”
I wasn’t sure why she was apologizing and, despite everything, I felt guilty. “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”
“It’s not yours either. You didn’t know I’d been sick, and I promise, there’s been no-one else.”
“It’s okay. I believe you.” I did… even if the knowledge was killing me, and any hope of being with Josie.
“I’m not asking you for anything,” she said. “But I thought you should know.”
“What do you mean, you’re not asking me for anything?”
“I know how this must seem to you, Drew. You’re a multi-millionaire. Everyone in the business knows that. But I need you to believe me, I didn’t do this on purpose.”
“I believe you. But I still don’t understand why you said you’re not asking for anything.”
“Because I don’t want you to feel like you owe me.”
“It’s not about owing you. It’s about being responsible. I’m responsible for what happened, and I’m responsible for making sure you’re okay. Both of you.”
“Y—You don’t have to.” Her voice cracked, and I felt sorry for her. She hadn’t asked for this, any more than I had, and it was going to change her life a lot more than it was going to change mine. Any fool could see that.
“Yes, I do,” I said. “I’ll come down to New York tomorrow. We can talk.”
She thanked me, which felt as wrong as her apology, and we ended our call.
I was in shock… about to become a father, and nursing a broken heart at the same time. I couldn’t think straight and, to be honest, I didn’t even try. There was no point in contacting Josie. Any hopes I might have been harboring for a future with her had just been blown out of the water, and my destiny lay down a completely different path.
Since then, I’ve done my duty by Lexi… and not just financially. I’ve attended doctor’s appointments, gone to scans, fitted out a nursery in her apartment, and at the house in Newport, and been there when she needed me. And, of course, I was with her at Maisie’s birth, which came as a surprise to both of us. Or maybe I should say to all of us… because Josie was there, too. She was the one who called and told me Lexi had gone into labor, and at the time, I didn’t know whether to be more shocked at hearing her voice or knowing that my daughterwas about to be born slightly ahead of schedule… and in Boston, not New York.
Standing in the delivery room, holding Lexi’s hand, trying my best to support her through the agonies of childbirth, I wanted so much to be able to look over at Josie. I couldn’t, of course. It would have broken me completely.
We haven’t seen each other since. We haven’t even spoken, and I guess that’s not surprising. The situation is awkward, to say the least. What is surprising, though, is that she hasn’t seen Lexi, either. That came as news to me, and it’s news I intend getting to the bottom of. If the two of them aren’t that close, and if Lexi really does have someone else in her life, then maybe there’s a chance.
I keep telling myself not to hope, but after all this time, what else can I do?
Chapter Two
Josie
“You look amazing.” She does. It’s not a lie, or a platitude. Lexi’s lost all the weight she gained when she was pregnant and has returned to her former slim build. That said, her bump was tiny. I can remember thinking, when she came for that last visit – the one when she went into labor – that she didn’t look more than six months pregnant, and if I hadn’t been counting every painful moment since she broke the news of her pregnancy, I’d have doubted she was due to give birth.
Of course, she did… that very weekend, and the evidence is now cradled in her arms, the two of them standing just inside my apartment.