Page 74 of The Preacher's Bride

Mrs. Jenkins nodded as she headed over to him. “Caleb, why don’t you sit down, and I’ll fix you some lunch? Then, we can talk.”

Tears welled up in his eyes, threatening to spill over, as he shook his head. “No, thank you, Mrs. Jenkins.”

Caleb walked out and kept walking until he came to the family cemetery under a tree at the back corner of the farm. When he found Jessica’s grave, he bent down and cleared the snow away from her tombstone. Then, he turned and punched the snow-covered ground as he fell to his knees on her grave.

“God, why? Why Jessica?” he screamed at the top of his lungs, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Why did it have to be you, Jessica? God, why couldn’t you have taken me instead? Damn it! You could have taken me and not her! Jessica!” he screamed as tears coursed down his cheeks, finally letting it out. He had done a good job of holding it together since he lost her, but not now. Not ever again. “Jessica! I need you!” he screamed as he beat his bloody fist on the snow covering her grave. “Jessica, I love you! Come back to me! Don’t leave me alone! Come back!” he sobbed. “Come back….”

Finally, he sat on her grave, facing the stone, sobbing into his arms. He cried for Jessica… and now for Mia. He had lost one wife, and now he was going to lose Mia because he couldn’t bring himself to think of her as his wife. He knew he couldn’t go on likethis…theycouldn’t go on like this. Maybe he should just let Mia go. Then, he realized that he’d never find anyone else like her again. Never. Who else would have come in with a loving, open heart and loved his children? Loved him and asked for nothing but love in return? But he had no love left to give. They were doomed from the beginning. He could see that now. How could it ever work… if he couldn’t even give her his heart?

But how could he let go of the past, and let love in? How could he learn to love again?

It was easier said than done.

Chapter 17

Mia

Over the next few days, things only got worse. Mia spent time with the children in the morning and fed them lunch, and then Mrs. Jenkins watched them so she could go over to Ella’s house. Mia had thought of talking to Caleb, but he was becoming bitter and angry. She wondered if he blamed her for this, but she couldn’t tell. He would no longer talk to her.

One day at Ella’s house, Mia fixed lunch as Ella sat in a chair, rocking Blake. Hannah was fast asleep in the cradle. Mia had moved it to the kitchen temporarily.

“How are things going?” Ella asked as she burped the baby.

Mia knew she was watching her. She had been wearing her best Poker face all morning, but she should have known better. Ella could always see right through her.

“Not that I don’t enjoy your company or appreciate the help,” Ella pressed, “but why are you here and not at home with your own family?”

Colton was working in the barn, so they could speak freely.

“I don’t have a family.”

Ella’s mouth fell open. “What do you mean? Of course you have a family.”

Mia shook her head, fighting back tears. “They’re Caleb’s children. Not mine,” she said, her voice merely a whisper. “But I want them to be.”

“Oh, Mia.” Ella walked over and wrapped her arm around her while she held the baby, letting her cry on her shoulder. Mia had been trying to hold it together, but to no avail. “It’s not getting any better?”

Mia shook her head, drying her tears. “It’s getting to the point where he won’t even look at me now. He’s angry and getting bitter.” Mia pulled the ham she was frying off the stove and sat down with Ella.

“Why?” Ella asked, concerned as she absentmindedly started rocking the baby again.

Mia shook her head. “Because he’s still in love with Jessica but he’s married to me.” She threw her hands up in the air. “Ella, I feel as if I’m fighting a ghost. But I can’t fight anymore.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “When I go home, I feel lonely in a house filled with people.” She wiped the tears away.

“Mia, give it time—”

“Ella, I have,” she cut her off, and then lowered her voice to keep from waking the babies. “I don’t know what else to do. People say to be patient, and I’m patient. People say to pray, and I pray. But nothing helps. He’s still not willing to open his heart to me.” She let out a deep breath. “The only thing I know is that I can’t keep going on this way.”

Ella reached over and squeezed her hand. “Mia, don’t give up. It’ll get—”

“Ella, please don’t tell me that it’ll get better.” She sat on a chair, shaking her head. “I’m so sorry. I guess I’m starting to become bitter, too.”

Ella patted her hand. “It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize to me.”

“So, how are things going with you?” Mia asked, concerned. “How are you feeling?”

Ella smiled. “I’m feeling better now. Thank you.”

Mia was grateful that she let her change the subject. “So, how do you like being a mother?”

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