Page 147 of Of Nine So Bold

“Did something I said upset you?” Niko asked.

I shook my head.

The silence stretched.

“It’s just…” The words felt they were being pulled from me. “When I was a kid, it did feel like we were more… one, somehow. I admit that. But ever since what I did to my family…” I chafed a hand on my arm like I could rub away the pain of the memory.

“It was easier not to be?” Niko offered.

I glanced back, frowning. The idea was absurd.

But Niko only gave me a kind smile. “Thing is, sometimes in nature, animals get so scared, they sort of disconnect from themselves. I’ve felt it when a rabbit or deer run from a predator. It’s like they’re not eventhereanymore. And maybe when what happened to your family…happened, the pain and the fear was so much, the you that’syouand the you that’s the demon split just to survive it.”

I turned away again. ”The demon doesn’t…” The words hurt. “It calls me thebrokenone. It doesn’t want to be the same as me.” Anger coiled hot inside my chest. “And the feeling is mutual.”

More silence followed.

I was too damn good at shutting up a room, and it burned. We needed to be getting rest or keeping watch or doing anything besides standing here talking about my fucked-up life.

Footsteps came from behind me. “You’re not broken.” Gwyneira rested her hand on my arm. “Maybe what happened to you made things go the way Niko says, or maybe the explanation for you two is something else entirely. But you’re still notbroken.” From the corner of my eye, I saw her smile. “I mean, you heard Ignatius, right? The wood that wouldn’t burn. That’s you. And that’s strength and power, not brokenness.” Her fingers tightened on my arm, comfort and encouragement practically radiating from her. “And even if you feel differently,it doesn’t change the fact you deserve to be treated with respect and worth.”

The burning feeling changed because her words were so kind and good that they hurt. “I… I don’t want to lose myself,” I whispered. “Lose the man who loves you to a monster who—” My eyes squeezed shut, and I shook my head. “Who can’t even be bothered to understand the mostbasicideas of consent or willingness or…”

“What do you mean?” She sounded confused.

“Back in the forest. Byron’s spell. When—” I glanced at Niko, suddenly feeling awkward. “When you and the others and the demon…” I bobbed my head indicatively rather than say more.

Her confusion cleared. “Oh. You mean when the demon and I almost…”

Nowshewas the one faltering like she was embarrassed.

And fuck if Niko’s eyes weren’t fastened on us both.

“Yeah.” My voice was terse. “I was there. In… in the demon’s head, I mean. I could see you were overcome by that magic. But the demon…” I scoffed, contempt and disgust rising in me again for that damn creature. “I fought him, but even then, the bastard wouldn’t relinquish control enough for me to truly stop him.” I shook my head. “He can’t be trusted, which meansIcan’t be. Not when it comes to…”

I jerked my head toward the bed rather than state out loud how irrevocably the demon had messed everything up when she’d laid there before it, legs spread and her skin coated in his cum. All he’d seen was her wet, luscious pussy and not the worry and fear flickering through her eyes, growing stronger with every passing second.

She hadn’t been able to stop herself, even if it was clear she’d wanted to, so he damn well should have.

And now thanks to him, neither of us could have her.

The demon twisted uncomfortably beneath my skin, hating that. Wanting to change it.

I gritted my teeth, fighting him back. Outside of life-or-death situations, I wasn’t giving him control again. Not if I could fucking help it.

Gwyneira bit her lip briefly. “Ididwant him. The demon wasn’t wrong about that.”

“You weren’t sure, though. I could see that. The demon could smell it in your scent. But that magic was driving you, so you couldn’t stop. And since that’s damn well not the same thing as being willing, he should have controlled himself and?—”

“What if the magic was driving him too? I mean, we all were—” she searched for a word,“—ravenous. I couldn’t think beyond that. I’m pretty certain Casimir and the twins couldn’t either. So maybe the demon was overcome, same as we all were. But he alsodidstop, so…” She shrugged.

My mouth moved, but I wasn’t sure what to say.

And it didn’t help that inside, the demon was perking up, hope rising at the possibility Gwyneira presented.

That didn’t let him off the hook, though.

“Roan, I wasn’t worried because I didn’t want to be with the demon. I did. I… Ido. I just worried whether he would be willing to share me with the others. That’s all. Because when I first met that side of you—or that other creature within you, orwhateverhe is—he sounded like he planned on keeping me all to himself. And I don’t want that. I want all of you.”

---