Page 136 of Bonding with the Beta

I step out of the car, and before I reach the front door, it opens.

Kayden stands there with a black T-shirt clung to his toned frame and a grey pair of sweatpants. I flick my eyes down to the stubble growing on his face. He looks exhausted, but he’s still undeniably handsome. My gut aches at the thought of him looking slightly dishevelled because of me.

“Hi,” I say as I glance back at his face.

“Hi,” he responds.

“Can I come in?”

Kayden nods and steps out of the way. His scent swarms me, and I almost close my eyes at how much it makes me feel at home. He shuts the door behind me, and I walk through the hall and upstairs towards his bedroom for some privacy.

When we’re alone, I can hear my blood rushing through my veins. I tug at my fingers as I pace his room slowly. He stands back against the door with his hands tucked into his trouser pockets.

“I’ve got a lot I want to say,” I start, my voice dipping slightly. “And I don’t expect you to say anything. I want you to listen.”

Kayden’s dark eyes watch me with curiosity. He swipes a hand across his jaw before folding his arms over his chest. “Okay,” he rasps, and the sound makes my spine tingle. “I’m listening, Kayleigh.”

“I’m sorry for what I said to you. I’m sorry for how I reacted. I’m sorry for pushing you away,” I say, not letting the ball in my throat choke me.

I begin to shift between my feet. “The relationship I had with Josh is nothing like ours.Nothingat all. You care for me in ways I didn’t know someone could care. You support me. You’re there for me. I didn’t realise I was struggling with adjusting from Josh’s awful treatment until you started treating me like royalty. I freaked out because it wasn’t what I was used to and I felt so confused. I felt like I didn’t deserve you, that you deserve someone who has their shit together.”

Kayden’s brows twitch downwards.

“And—” I take a moment to compose myself. “I’ve decided that I need to get some help. I need therapy, counselling sessions, or something. I’ve bottled so much up, and I know it’s not doing me any good. My insecurities, my worries, all of it. I need to let it all out to someone before I do something I’ll regret.”

His face flushes with concern as if he remembers our conversation when I told him I was emitted to the hospital after a breakdown.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get my shit together. I’m sorry for leaving you in the dark,” I say, wiping my nose.

Kayden edges towards me, my heart thumping with every step. My eyes begin to glass over as I watch him move closer, emotion clogging my throat.

“And,” I shudder, “I love you, Kayden. I am completely and utterly in love with you. I’m sorry for not saying it back. I was scared. I thought you deserved better.”

He doesn’t stop walking. His silence becomes unnerving.

“I didn’t know what love was before I met you or what I thought I was experiencing with Josh. But you have shown me exactly what love is because I feel it every time I’m with you. It’s raw and real, and sometimes you make me feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest.”

Kayden stops in front of me, and my head tilts to meet his eyes, a tear rolling down my cheeks. “I’m hoping you can forgive me and that you’ll help me learn to love myself. Even the rough and ugly bits I hate.”

Our chests brush, and my fingers long to reach out and touch him.

Oh, God. I ache for him.

How did I ever walk away from him?

How did I allow myself to overthink this?

“Because I don’t want anyone else supporting me, loving me, guiding me through this than the person I love?—”

Kayden’s hands rise to grip my cheeks as he lowers his face and brushes his lips against mine. I dissolve into a million tiny pieces at his tender touch. My eyes flutter shut as I latch onto him before I fall to the floor.

He pulls back an inch and rests his forehead against mine. “I will be here for as long as you want me, Kayleigh,” he whispers. “And I will do everything in my power to help you learn to love yourself as much as I love you. I promise you, there are no ugly bits. I want the struggles. I want the pain. I want all of it, as long as it means I get to have you. I wanted you to jump with me, blondie, and I still stick by that.”

A small sob wracks from the back of my throat as I nod desperately.

Kayden tilts my chin and claims my lips once more. He walks me backwards until I hit the wall. The kiss is slow and sensual as if we’re moving at half the speed. I need to remember every millisecond.

I pull away ever so slightly, our mouths still grazing. I look up into his warm eyes and quiver. “I missed you,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry I did this to us. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. Please forgive me.”

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