Page 131 of Bonding with the Beta

Kayden takes two steps towards me, chest quivering as his eyes roam my face and body. “You scared the hell out of me,Kayleigh,” he says, sounding emotionally exhausted. “Where were you?”

“I went for a walk.” I shrug.

He releases a distressed breath that makes me shudder with guilt. “I had a missed call from you, but when I called back, you didn’t answer. At all.”

“I didn’t think about it when I left. I must have left it on my bed by accident,” I state quietly. “I didn’t do it to scare you.”

Kayden’s eyes harden. “My heart was in my throat. Then I come to check if everything is okay, and your door is open, and your phone is here.” He points to it, lying on my bed. “Do you know how close I was to calling the police?”

“Oh, because you thought I was going to kill myself?”

When he flinches, I instantly regret my choice of words. I’m lashing out, and it’s not his fault. I close my eyes and take a breath before I say anything else I’ll want to take back.

“Because I know you’re not in a good head space, and I needed to know you were okay,” his voice is raspy. “Sorry that it’s such a crime to check in with my girlfriend when I asked her to call me when something was wrong.”

I flick my eyes open to him and press a hand to my chest, a wave of intense sabotage crashing over me. All my insecurities come flooding back, and I can’t stop myself. I’ve lost myself to the person I never wanted to become.

“You’re not my keeper, Kayden. I called you once, not a million times. I was fine,” I state, and yet again, immediately want to take it back. The words leave a sour taste on my tongue.

Kayden’s eyes glass over for a moment. “No, I’m not your keeper,” he states. “But I asked you to do one thing. How can you expect me not to freak out?”

“Why did you even come?”

Kayden’s brows dip heavily. “What?”

“Why do you even care?” I hold his stare, my lips trembling. “I don’t understand why you care. I am a mess, Kayden.”

“Are you kidding me right now?” He flicks his eyes between mine with incredulity. My heart slams into my chest like a hammer when his jaw tightens. “I care because I love you, Kayleigh.”

All the air evaporates from my lungs at the roughness of his voice. I suddenly don’t know how to breathe. It takes me a few seconds to register what he’s said because surely he doesn’t mean that. No. He can’t.

I shake my head over and over. “You don’t.”

“You don’t get to tell me what I do and don’t feel,” he states harshly.

My eyes ache as I stare back at his crumbling expression. “There is nothing to love. I’m nothing but a broken mess, ready to deteriorate any second. You don’t want this, Kayden.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” He reaches out for me, but I step away. If he touches me, I’ll break down, and if I break down, I’ll despise myself even more than I already do. “I love every inch of you, Kayleigh. I don’t know what’s just happened, but please, let me in. I’m right here. Stop pushing me away.”

My throat tenses, and I shake my head once more. “I can’t.”

Kayden takes one step closer, his presence surrounding me. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I need you to figure out what you want. If this is what I get for caring about you—” He pauses to take a breath and run a shaky hand down his face. “I understand that you might not know what it’s like to be in a healthy relationship, but you can’t push me away when things get tough. That’s not how this works.”

I can’t meet his eyes, not with the guilt starting to suffocate me. The floor begins to wobble beneath me, but then I realise it’s my head that’s making me off-balance.

Kayden doesn’t deserve this, not after everything he’s done.

He deserves so much better.

I’m not the idea of perfect—I’m far from it.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asks dryly.

“Yes,” I rasp, my voice barely above a whisper.

I’m not in control of my feelings anymore. I’m self-destructing.

He shakes his head once. “I can’t leave knowing you’re like this.”

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