Page 4 of Snowy Secrets

But I can't change what's happening, how she's wrapped herself around my heart to fill in all the cracks, made me feel less broken.

How do I tell her that I have to leave her? That I might not come back? That she wouldn't hear from me for so, so long. Can I ask that of her? Is it fair? I should let her go, but I don't think I can. I don't think I'm that selfless.

I drop down onto my back porch, head sinking into my hands before I survey my small backyard. The grass is a saturated green that rivals Bella's eyes. It'll only last for a few weeks before summer begins to take its toll. The flowering bushes were put in by the previous tenant, a sweet middle-aged widow who went to live with her daughter.

Shaking my head, I stand again. Pacing these circles isn't serving me well. I take a deep breath and march to my Subaru Outback. It's time to rip the Band-Aid off and face what's happening. I need to talk to Bella.

I drive out to her family's cabin. It's small and remote and gives us the extended privacy we often need when we're together.

Her car is already parked out front, and the door is open before I'm fully out of my car. Bella hops off the porch, her shoulder-length red hair bright under the sunshine. She's the epitome of an old Celtic faerie, and I can almost see her wings.

I meet her halfway, scooping her up in my arms, pressing her against me, and stealing her mouth with the kiss I crave. She holds onto me, wrapping her legs around my waist. Hands twisted in my collar, she kisses me back.

I'm lost to it. To her.

When her mouth drops to my neck, I regain the barest sliver of good sense and carry her inside. I navigate to our bed, throwing back the sheets and crawling in to press her under me.Our mouths collide again as her hands yank my shirt up my back.

"Take your shirt off," she mumbles against my mouth, and I reach back to yank it off for her. Bella's hands glide over my skin, circling the bullet wound scar on my right flank. She's always sure to show it love, a caress or a kiss, to remind me that I don't have to hide anything from her.

And I won't. Not anymore.

My intent changes, slows, and I worship every inch of her skin as I bare it. She squirms, but she takes it. The moment I have her nude, she lunges for me like a predator, tearing my pants off my hips until I'm bare. Our bodies slide together perfectly.

Now that I'm inside her, her she slows down, and she blinks up at me, all innocence and seduction. It's as if she can read my mind and pull my secrets from the very depths of me. I don't merely want to say the words—that I love her. I want to show her. So that's what I do.

Pleasure builds slowly as we stare into each other's eyes, exchange soft kisses, and caress each other. But when her nails find my back, I know I can't string this along much more.

My forehead dropping to hers, I shift the angle of my hips to hit her G-spot, tapping it until tears fall from the corners of her eyes. Her breath hitches, and all of her muscles clench. God, being inside her is the best feeling in the world. When she comes, she drags me over the edge with her.

The world disappears in that moment, and the universe exists only in the gold flecks in her eyes. I brace my body over hers and drink her in for as long as I can before I roll us both to the side. Tucking her against my chest, I still can't force my heart to cooperate. It won't settle. Not with the thoughts swirling in my head.

"Love," I whisper, my voice softer than I've heard it in a long, long time. I clear my throat. "Bella?"

Her head tips back, and she peers up at me, love clear and sparkling in her eyes. God, I'm a sucker for her. The profession of love is on my tongue, but I bite it back. A headache stirs between my brows as I pivot in my thoughts.

Bella sits up, her hand on my chest, worry creasing her forehead. "What is it?"

I tug her back down to me and say, "I'm being deployed."

"When?" She tucks herself in closer, and I close my eyes to soak it in.

"In a few days."

Her soft breaths fill the thick silence in the room. Her fingers draw circles in my chest hair. "For how long?"

"I don't know. Until we're done." Normal deployments range from six months to a year. Mine, however, lasts until the mission is done. That's part of being in a special unit. We don't just respond to attacks. We decimate the chain of command. It's dangerous but effective, and my team and I are good at it.

My fingers tangle themselves in her red hair, and I drop kisses on the top of her head. I brace myself, then say what I need to say. "You shouldn't wait for me."

Bella pops out of my arms in an instant. "What do you mean? Of course, I'll wait for you. It's not a big deal. It's your job." I can see when the realization hits her. "You're serious."

"You deserve something better than waiting around on some guy…"

"You're not just some guy," she interjects, hands balled into fists like she's ready to knock some sense into me.

I continue, "You deserve something with someone who can stay and help you make a family, build a home, a future. You deserve someone better than me."

She's off the bed before the words are free of my mouth, yanking on her shirt. Everything inside me screams to sit up, to launch myself out of this bed and close her in my arms. Not to let her go.

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