Page 52 of Advice from a Sunflower

She opens the door far enough for me to walk through with the false confidence I've used every time I have a meeting or signing for one of my books. Tonight, I won't let Marnie get away with walking all over me. We need to address her part in all of this.

"Where are your bags? I can stay with the girls if you need me to."

"I'm not sleeping here tonight. This conversation just couldn't wait."

We take a seat opposite of each other and Marnie nods slowly. She's growing suspicious of me. "What's going on?"

I'm annoyed that she's pretending she's had no part in Eli ambushing me at the airport. As if my being back here isn't exactly what she wanted. How many times has she succeeded at deceiving me with her meddling mind games? The anger that comes with that realization is what melts away all my hesitation to finally confront her.

"I know you sent Eli."

She stares down at her wringing hands, not even bothering to cover up her shame. "I had to do something. I couldn't sit back and let you leave without doing something to stop it."

"All you had to do was talk to me. I would have listened."

"Yeah, right," she chuckles sardonically, rolling her eyes. "It's never been that easy with you."

"Is that really what you think? That you have to lie and manipulate me?"

"It's not manipulative. You just don't listen to me and I needed you to see what you were walking away from. You've never been able to see what was right in front of you." She's raised her voice now, no longer worried about waking the girls.

"What does that mean?" My voice stays even. I'm not ready for this to turn into a heated argument. Marnie's been known to walk out on conversations that make her feel attacked and I want answers.

"Ly, you have an entire town full of people here that only want to see you succeed. You have a guy who has spent years choking down his feelings for you because he's afraid to tie you down. You have two nieces who worship you and a mother who's been going to counseling for a year to work through her issues to learn how to mend her relationship with you. But you seem to only focus on the negative because it's easier to run away from."

I'm having a hard time believing any part of what she's saying, but that only proves her point. How would I have missed all this when I've spent over a month back here and nothing seems to be different than it was before I left. "What about you? How do you feel?"

She's taken back by my question. That's not what she wants me to get out of what she's saying, but I can't help but wonder if there's some reason she's left herself out. Is she the one person who doesn't want to see me back here? Is that why she's gone so far out of her way to keep me separated from everyone else for this long? Surely, if any of what she's saying is true, she'd have mentioned it in one of our calls.

"You didn't tell me about Denise's counseling, and it took you years to mention Tim. You never told me that Tina has my books proudly displayed on the walls of the diner. And what about Sadie? Don't you think I should have been warned that Eli had a daughter who passed away? You're acting like all these secrets you've been keeping have been for my benefit, but it feels like stuff I should have known. Stuff that would’ve changed how I felt about The Hollow. So, I think the biggest question that needs to be asked is this, Marnie: how doyoufeel about me?"

I'm looking at my sister for the first time in years and seeing the insecure teenager who snuck through our window in the middle of the night just to prove she could. Who took physical beatings from our mother simply because she wastoopretty ortoopopular. The girl who promised me I had no idea who she really was and what she was capable of when she was caught alone with a boy.

All this time, I've envied Marnie for her confidence and swagger, wishing I could be more like her. But she's right, I was blind to what was right in front of me.

Marnie didn't even want to be like Marnie.

"I love you so much. You're the strongest, most courageous person I've ever met, and I wish I could be more like you. We were each given the same circumstances to work from and you took them and got exactly what you wanted. Everyone has always been so amazed by you while I've had to work my ass off to prove I'm worth more than being another small-town teen statistic. I can't even pay my own bills without your help."

She looks back down at her hands and shamefully admits, "Sometimes it's hard living in the shadow of your achievements."

Isn't it amazing how your mind can trick you into believing something for so long, regardless of the truth behind it? We can base our entire lives—our entire personalities and beings—around one single misconception.

How could we have allowed this rivalry to live for so long? How much time has been wasted between Marnie and me over jealousy and competition? I can’t even remember the first time I envied her. It’s like we were born with this need to compare and attempt to tailor ourselves to be more like each other.

“I’ve felt the same way about you,” I confess, finally feeling the invisible wall that’s stubbornly sat between us begin to fall away.

Marnie scoffs dismissively. “That’s insane. There’s nothing to be jealous of.”

“You have plenty for me to envy. I’ve always wished I was just a little prettier, or more outgoing, or unapologetic like you are. And for the record, you could definitely survive without me, Mar. I don’t help you out so that you can stay under my thumb. I help you because I want to. Because it’s the least I can do after all the encouragement you’ve offered me to do what I love. I wouldn’t be where I am without you.”

She shakes her head at me, still not prepared to accept my compliments easily. It’s something we’ll have to work on together. When I offer her a smile as a peace offering, she stands from her chair and wraps her arms around my neck in a tight hug. I forgive her for every single thing she’s done. I know that eventually, everything is going to be okay between us.

***

I’m mentally and physically exhausted by the time Marnie walks me to her front door. She’s tried to convince me to stay multiple times, but I’m too eager to get back to Eli. For once in my life, I feel like he’s finally mine and I’m not going to waste another second squandering it. The walk across our lawns feels longer this time knowing that each step is taking me to the man of my dreams. When I reach his porch, he’s already opening the door for me, a silly grin painted on his lips.

“I was sure that she’d convince you to sleep there,” he greets, welcoming me through the door.

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