Page 49 of Advice from a Sunflower

“Believed what? I never promised you anything but a broken heart, just like you gave me. You knew that from the start. And Emma has nothing to do with this. She’s my ex-wife.”

“That’s not what I saw this afternoon.”

“You said you were stopping that,” Marnie chimes, hitting Eli on the shoulder.

“You knew?!” I shriek into her face.

I’m mortified.

Once again, Marnie has betrayed me by keeping secrets. It’s getting impossible to forgive her when the lies keep adding up. I don’t understand why they insist on keeping me at the butt of their jokes.

Before she can come up with another lie to cover herself, Eli begins to talk. “Emma and I have barely spoken to each other since Mouse got back into town. I shouldn’t have to explain myself, but what you saw today was her trying to hook up and me denying her.”

“Oh, come on. That’s bullshit and you know it. You weren’t making any moves to stop her. I can’t do this,” I mumble, mostly to myself as I turn on my heels and head down the porch steps, intent on leaving them without another word, but then change my mind at the last minute. I swing back around to catch them whispering to each other and decide that this is it. I’m done holding my tongue. I’m done sacrificing my own happiness to fall for their smokescreens.

“I love you both so much and all you’ve ever done is hurt me. I don’t understand what I did to deserve the constant swell of teasing and playing with my heartstrings like I’m some sort of puppet, only here for your entertainment. I’m going home. The one I’ve managed to create for myself despite everything I’ve been put through in the place I should feel most welcome. I tried to make it work in The Hollow, but none of you want me here, so I won’t be coming back. Congratulations, you got what you wanted.”

I turn to leave again, taking a few steps before rounding back to say, “And by the way, my name is Lyla. Not Mouse.”

Neither one bothers arguing with me. I’m all the way back at the house when I finally get the nerve to turn and see that Marnie hasn’t bothered moving from his porch yet. They seem to be in a heated discussion, completely ignorant to my staring. I allow myself to be disappointed in her for ten whole seconds before taking a deep breath and shutting the large door behind me, closing them off for good.

Iwould have followed her.Iwould have told her everything I knew about Eli—his marriage to Emma, their daughter, his mother’s health...everything.Iwould have made sure that she knew all there was to know before jumping into anything with him.

But Marnie isn’t me, and I need to stop looking for myself in her and everyone else. Coming back to The Hollow has only shown me exactly how much I’ve benefited from staying away for so long.

As my fingers enter my information for the first flight leaving tonight, I vow to myself that I’ll never make this mistake again. Once my plane takes off tonight, I’ll never step foot in The Hollow again.

Chapter 26

Eli

I met with a social worker today to discuss Ma’s future. It was as nerve-wracking and infuriating as I expected. I ended the meeting with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. There was no winning in this situation. I’d either feel like a piece of shit for sending her away to rot in a home or I’d feel like a piece of shit for letting her rot alone in her room.

On the way back, I stopped at the grocery store to grab her prescriptions and a few staples for the week. Of course, because we live in a small town where I can’t even take a shit without someone knowing, I ran into Emma in the checkout line. She attempted playing it cool when she first saw me, but she couldn’t keep her crazy on a leash for very long. Once I paid and headed out to my car, she took my lack of words as an invitation to join me.

“I feel like we haven’t been able to connect in a long time. Why don’t you come by for dinner tonight? I'll make your favorite.” Her voice has that flirtatious lilt to it that has never worked on me.

I continue loading the groceries into my trunk, refusing to look her in the eyes when I say, “I’m busy tonight. And I think we should be done with that.”

Emma steps into my view, craning her head to catch my gaze. I finally run out of grocery bags and have no choice but to look at her. Her brows are pinched together in that familiar way that always makes me think of a bird.

“It’s no coincidence that she comes back to town and you suddenly want nothing to do with me. I hope you know that I won't be waiting around for you to come crawling back after she leaves again.”

“It has nothing to do with her. It was a weird thing for us to be doing in the first place. It’s time to move on, Emma.”

“So, you just want to throw everything away because you decided it’sweird?” She’s trying her best to come off as angry, but I know her well enough to see the crinkle in her eye that only shows up right before she’s about to cry.

This isn’t what I wanted to be doing today.

“There’s nothing to throw away. We’ve been divorced for a while now. I just think it’s time,” I repeat, trying to keep my tone gentle though I’m losing patience with her. She was the one who initiated the divorce. She was the one who insisted that us hooking up meant nothing. I’m only following her lead.

Something in her relents. She finally allows the tears she’s been fighting to fall from her eyes. I’m not sure what to do, so I grab her shoulders and pull her into a tight hug. As insufferable as she may be, she’s still given me a significant part of her life. I owe it to her not to be a jackass just because nothing is going my way.

“I love you, Eli,” she mumbles into my chest.

I don’t have the heart to lie to her, so I stay quiet. We stand like that for a few minutes while she pulls herself together. When she’s ready to face the world again, she pulls away and offers me one last nod before she walks away. I can tell this is the last time she’ll put herself in that position with me.

I’m just loading the groceries into the fridge when the loud pounding starts on my front door. With a quick check into Ma’s room to make sure she’s not spooked, I run to the door and open it to find Marnie and Mouse standing there, looking more pissed than ever before.

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