Page 43 of Advice from a Sunflower

"Who is this little girl with Gabby and Ally?"

I'm standing in his living room once again, speaking quietly so I don't disturb his mother. My eyes squint and I lean close to get a better look at the image. It's identical to the one Marnie keeps on her mantle. Originally, I assumed it was a friend from the neighborhood, but that doesn't explain why Eli would have the photo on display in his home.

He doesn't bother looking at what grabbed my attention before responding. Instead, he keeps his head down and continues to pour our drinks. I guess he decided this time he needs alcohol to get through the night with me.

"That's Sadie," he explains in a detached tone.

"Is she one of the kids who live on the block? I haven't met her yet. Marnie seems to have a few pictures of her around the house, too."

Eli finally looks up from his task, his eyes guarded as he scrutinizes me from across the room. Once again, I've stepped on a landmine and have earned back the closed-off version of him.

"No, that's Sadie," he says again slowly, walking toward me with our drinks in hand.

I take mine eagerly, grateful for the momentary distraction while I gather my thoughts. Marnie has never mentioned a Sadie before. She’s clearly related to Eli in some way. That much is clear now that I'm looking at their faces side-by-side. If he has a daughter, why wouldn't he have mentioned her? How could I have missed her walking around town or playing with the girls?

"You don't know," he finally concludes.

"That you have a daughter?" I bravely guess. He only offers a stiff nod.

"No, I'm sorry. Marnie hasn't mentioned her before. But you could have told me, Eli. We're friends, remember? I'd love to meet her."

I notice his eyes tighten. It's a subtle difference, especially since he always seems to hold a scowl of some sort. But in that small movement, I realize the mistake I've made.

I can't meet Sadie. Not because he doesn't want me to, but because she isn't around anymore.

That explains why all the pictures they have of her seem so dated. The girls have to be at least two years younger in the one before us.

"I'm so sorry," I mumble as my hand reaches out to his shoulder before I can stop it.

He shrugs, allowing it to fall away. "Not your fault. I assumed Marnie would have said something when it happened. She was torn up about it, too."

I'm stunned into silence, wondering why Marnie never bothered telling me about Sadie when she was so clearly a huge part of their lives. Eli waits patiently while I gather my thoughts, taking the opportunity to sip his drink and plop onto the couch beside us. He gazes up at me thoughtfully, the same mask of indifference planted on his face that I've grown accustomed to.

"It was a freak accident. It wasn't supposed to rain at all that day. Emma wasn't supposed to be on that bridge when she was. I shouldn't have been off work that early."

All I can do is nod. I'm afraid that hearing my voice might cause him to shut down and I want to hear what happens next. Something tells me this isn't a story I can find out just from asking around. The people of The Hollow protect their own and I'm no longer one of them. This is probably what Tina was talking about at Denise’s wedding.

Eli shakes out whatever thoughts are haunting his head. He downs his drink before his eyes find mine, a darkness unlike I've ever seen before clouding over them.

"It doesn't matter. None of it matters, Mouse. The world is a fucked up place and no one is safe from whatever shitty things it wants to do to you. Sadie was an angel but now she’s gone, and she isn't coming back."

"I'm sorry." I know those two words are shallow and empty. He's probably heard them over and over since the accident happened but there isn't anything else for me to say that will mend the open wound he's been sporting around.

Suddenly, it all makes sense—his anger, his resentment, his divorce. He's right. Life hasn't been as kind to him as it seemingly has been to me.

"I think you should go back to Marnie's. I'm not in the mood for whatever this is tonight."

I almost agree. As always, my feet want to take me to the door and get me as far away from this moody man as they can.Almost.

It's my heart that stops me. Underneath his dismissive words and cold tone, my heart hears the pain inside his voice, and I know that if I leave him alone after he opened himself up to me, we'll never get back to what we once were. If I leave, I can kiss any chance of ever having Eli back in my life as a permanent fixture goodbye.

I don't want that. So, against all my other instincts and at the risk of being the pest he constantly treats me as, I insist on staying.

"I'm not leaving."

He glares at me in disbelief. Finally, the strong, independent woman I've worked tirelessly to become has shown herself in this hellhole of a town.

"I wasn't asking."

---