Page 37 of Advice from a Sunflower

I stand and rush over to her, attempting to corral her back up the stairs and into bed while the girls are still at daycare. I want her to have some energy when they get home so they don’t have to look as panicked as they had this morning when Marnie couldn’t even open her swollen eyes to bid them goodbye.

Her hand sweeps against my own and lightly brushes it off as she pushes past me toward the kitchen. “I’m not going to be able to sleep for a while. I need to drink some coffee and bring myself back to life for a minute. Where are the girls?”

She talks as I follow her into the kitchen, where she robotically grabs the coffee pot and begins filling it with water. I step back to give her space, leaning against the counter on the opposite end of the room.

“I took them to daycare. I figured they could use a break from being inside the house.”

She looks back at me, shame filling her pale face with dark reds.

“I haven’t had a chance to settle the bill with her yet,” she admits, turning away to busy herself with scooping coffee grounds into the filter.

I discovered that Marnie’s daycare bill was two months behind when I arrived at the house and was almost instantly turned away. Ginger, a woman who graduated from Hollow High a few years before us ran it out of her home and she swore up and down that she was not watching Marnie’s kids for another minute without being paid for the last two months of time she’d dedicated to them. Thankfully, she said all of this once the girls were inside and out of earshot, sparing them the embarrassment. I begged her to let them stay while I headed over to the nearest ATM, and then paid her the money Marnie owed on top of another month so Marnie wouldn’t have to worry about it.

“I took care of it,” I assure my sister, careful not to dwell on it too long before she gets embarrassed and lashes out again. “I have some shopping I need to do today. I was thinking I could stop and pick up some things for the house from the grocery store while I’m out. Do you need anything?”

It’s starting to get difficult to maintain the cleanliness of the three days’ worth of clothing I brought along with me and now that my stay has officially been deemed indefinite, it’s time to grab some of the necessities. I could always borrow Marnie’s clothes, but I’m in desperate need for some new socks and underwear to cycle into the rotation.

“I can come with you,” she offers, her eyes fixed on the brown liquid as it drips into the pot.

“Sounds good,” I exclaim, happy that she’s already willing to leave the house. I should have known Marnie would be better than to hole up in solitary for too long. She isn’t Denise. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

***

Marnie drags her feet through three different stores trying to convince me to buy clothing that I’d never wear, especially in a place like The Hollow. She’s a nightmare to shop with. I’ve somehow let myself forget that in the time between our last visit, when she ran me through two separate malls to find an outfit for a signing she was helping me with. Today, I’m trying my best to go along with her antics out of pity for her situation, but my patience is wearing thin.

“You never told me how your dinner with Eli went,” she comments from the other side of a shirt rack as I admire a pair of shorts on clearance.

“Yes, well there isn’t much to say.” And there isn’t. Not if I want to say anything nice.

“I highly doubt that,” she scoffs, raising her eyes to me. “Come on, I need to live vicariously through someone for a minute.”

“Trust me, there’s nothing about our dinner that’ll make you want to live through me. He was crass. And rude. And just... different.”

For the first time, I allow myself to think back to that night openly. To how Eli made me feel things I haven’t allowed anyone to make me feel since I left. To his promise.

Marnie’s brows squeeze together, her eyes narrowing into slits as she mumbles, “I can’t believe him,” under her breath.

“Right? I didn’t think so either. He is not the same person he was before; I can promise you that.”

I hold up a tank top and scoff at the price, neatly setting it back into place.

“Well, of course he isn’t, Mouse. None of us are. But Eli’s been through a lot since high school. You can’t expect him to be the same happy-go-lucky guy he was after all that.”

I lean away from the display tables to face her cold expression. It has me surprised for a moment, but I try my best not to let it show. “I never said I expected him to be the same person.” At least, not out loud. I silently hoped he might be, though.

“I’ll talk to him. Just don’t give up on him yet.”

“It’s really not a big deal. I’m just here for you and the girls.”

“How’s Brad?” she asks, quickly pivoting the subject.

I dodge her stare, busying myself with a crooked sale sign.

“Fine, I guess. We haven’t talked much since we broke up.”

“You broke up?” she quietly screeches, placing her hands on her hips. “Why?”

"We just don't seem to have much in common anymore." In all honesty, I'm not sure we ever did, but I won't admit that to Marnie. She's been against our relationship since the start. I pause, scowling at her when I finally say, “He asked me to move in with him.”

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