Page 33 of Advice from a Sunflower

The shield I’ve put up is finally penetrated and my smile falters. This is supposed to be a night of celebration. Of two friends catching up—you know, the way normal people do, without their faces pressed between each other's legs. Forget the fact that there wouldn’t be a need to fill in seven years of distance if he hadn’t turned his nose up to me all that time ago. He has no right to act as if I’ve somehow wronged him.

“I’m not sure what your problem is, Eli. If you don’t want to be here, we can leave. This was your idea.”

“No."

His hand balls into a fist on the table and for the thousandth time tonight, I’m reminded that the man before me is a stranger.

“I do remember,” I mumble, grabbing at my own water to hide the scarlet blotches I know are staining my cheeks. I'm probably rivaling the hostess at this point.

“What?”

“I do remember the person who spent their weekends editing my work,” I begin to explain, but stop to meet eyes with the waitress who finally decides to greet us.

Eli ignores her, his stare once again pinning me to my seat as I fumble over my words to make up for his rudeness. Once we have our orders placed and she walks away with our menus, he finally speaks in my direction.

“Is that what you call seven years of silence?”

His words come out in a whisper, but the impact they have on my heart feels like they’ve been stabbed directly into my chest. My mouth opens to speak and nothing comes out. Funny, my entire career is centered around my ability to express myself through words, yet I’ve always been so weak in that department.

“Exactly,” he mutters in self-assurance, thick fingers raking through his styled hair, leaving a spiky, aimless mess behind.

Just as he has done to me.

“Are we really doing this again, Eli? What do you want from me? Did you take me out to dinner so you could berate me more about the past? You weren’t perfectly innocent through it all either. In fact, most of it is your fault.”

Once I find the courage to talk, the words pour out of my mouth like vomit, landing between us and fighting through the icy wall he built the moment we sat down. I hate how whiney I sound—an echo from the girl I was before, when no one bothered to listen and all I wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs for all to hear. The people around us start to feel the tension radiating from our table, their eyes casting sideways glances to pick up bits of the conversation.

Eli doesn't care. He releases a loud, sarcastic chuckle, his eyes hitting everywhere in the room but on me. “That's convenient.”

“Did you expect me to drop everything and stay in The Hollow with you?”

“No,” he insists, leaning further into the table as we gained the attention of more people. “I wanted you to include me in your plans to leave.”

“I couldn’t do that for someone who found it so easy to drop me the moment something better pranced along. I couldn’t risk my only ticket out for that.”

"I never dropped you."

I scoff at that, crossing my arms over my chest in a defiant pout. Is he really this disillusioned? "Big surprise. You can't acknowledge the truth for what it is," I spit, too angry to even look at him.

“You're so infuriating. What do you want me to say? You were so far out of reach to everyone here and we all knew it. If I hadn't started living my own life, I would have ended up with no one. You pulled away before I ever even thought of it.”

“That’s not true,” I defend, and Eli shoots me a doubtful look, his left brow raised in challenge.

“Yes, it is. You thought any kind of relationship with the people here would anchor you to this place and stop you from getting out the way you always wanted, so you isolated yourself. You can’t be mad that no one stepped in your way. None of us could compete with your dreams.”

My mouth opens in disbelief at his accusation. The truth is, he’s right. Ididfeel that way back then but only after years of being shown that was the only way.

“So, that means everyone had to ostracize me? To act as if I didn’t even exist? Maybe I wouldn’t have hated it here so much if you people would have given me a chance.”

“I tried to give you a chance.” His hands have found his hair again, nails scraping against his scalp in frustration.

“No, Eli, you didn’t. You couldn’t even keep up with our friendship once your social status rose.”

“That’s a lie. I’ve always tried to maintain our friendship because that was the only way you'd let me in, and then suddenly, even that was too much for you.”

“I don't have time to go back and forth with you over this. I was there; I lived it. You fell for Marnie the day she twirled her hair and introduced us to you. Everyone else was invisible after that. Besides Emma.”

“That's bullshit and you know it. Sure, I liked her in the same way everyone here always has. She's one of my closest friends. But I loved you, Mouse. I cared for you beyond anything I'd ever experienced before and all you could do was stick your nose in the air and pull away every time I came near you. What was I supposed to do? Wait around for you to change your mind? We both know how impossible that is. I knew I had one last shot to get you, so I took it. And once again, you ran away.”

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