Page 15 of Advice from a Sunflower

He grabs a condom from his wallet and slips it on, then positions himself between my legs, wrapping his hands behind my knees to push them upward. With one last meaningful look, he silently asks for my permission and then slowly enters me, my insides stretching to accommodate him like they've been made for it. I find it to be painful but not unbearable. It's like the weight of the moment keeps me grounded enough to focus on the electric spark we're making together, reaching a new level of intimacy we've never experienced before, instead of the pain that should be there. He wastes no time taking what’s always been his. We move together like two old souls connecting for the first time in eons, our bodies simply tools being used to convey what our mouths never could.

It’s perfect. The moment flies beyond any of my expectations and I’m certain I wouldn’t have wanted it to be with anyone else. He's kind and gentle, never once feeding my insecurities that stem from my lack of experience.

Once he's sure we’re both finished, he holds me in his arms, our skin clammy and our hearts full. The smile he wears could light up the entire night sky, and I’m sure mine is just as bright.

“I wish you didn’t have to go,” he mutters sadly into my hair.

We’ve each slipped back into our clothes, pulling the blanket over us as he snuggled me into the crook of his body. The moon looks different than it had an hour ago, when I was gazing up at it alone and wallowing in my own self-pity.

And for the first time my entire life, I wish I didn’t have to go, either. I wish I had given myself one last summer here in The Hollow to make things right. To make up for the seventeen other ones that formed my distaste for the place that made me. That formed the meek little girl who quietly ran around town avoiding any conflict or prolonged interaction for fear of being berated or taken advantage of.

There’s no way I could have guessed that I could somehow make Eli mine, though. Tonight seems like a fluke; a blip in the universe that somehow allowed me to fight fate long enough to get the one thing I’ve longed for since the moment I met the dark-haired, snowy- skinned boy next door. Despite the greedy monster that had been awoken inside of me, demanding more of him, something told me an entire summer might ruin what we have tonight.

Still, I nod against his cheek, squeezing his hand with my own.

We’re pulled back to reality when the back gate creaks open and Marnie steps through it. Eli pulls away from me in a rush, his hands running through his hair after he rolls his body in the opposite direction and lifts himself up to stand in one smooth motion. I’m not even half as graceful, stumbling around on my knees as I try to get up and stand beside him.

“What’s going on?” Marnie asks, her eyes darting between Eli’s collected composure and my blushing face. I hope the dark night masks some of the embarrassment I’m feeling. Although, it’s really Eli who should be embarrassed for getting caught with me: a social pariah.

“Nothing. What are you doing back here? Denise isn’t home; you could have used the front door.” My voice sounds rushed and breathless, earning a skeptical look from my sister as I fight my heart from racing its way out of my chest and down the street.

“It was locked.”

She’s walking toward us now, confidence flowing from every curve and angle of her perfect body. Pregnancy has only made her even more beautiful, further drawing a line between us. She’s made up of vibrant colors, while I’m all black, white, and gray. It’s no wonder Eli and every other person in town likes her more. I feel insignificant just standing so close to her, giving him the opportunity to compare us and make the same determination that he and everyone else always has: she’s better than I’ll ever be.

I desperately want him to prove me wrong. To grab onto me and proudly own up to the life-changing event we’ve just experienced together. Instead, he quickly rushes out, “I should get going,” pointing a thumb over his shoulder toward his house.

When I finally gain the strength to turn in his direction, I’m met with his relaxed, dopey grin. Where I was a tangled web of nervous knots, he was nothing but calm waters. Maybe he does this all the time, and it’s no big deal to have been caught, especially by a close friend like Marnie.

My only response to him is a nod. It’s all I can muster in this awkward, never-ending moment. He lingers for a few seconds, waiting to see if I’ll add anything else until his grin turns into a full smile that has him tugging his bottom lip between his teeth to hide. His eyes find Marnie before he waves to both of us and walks in the direction she just came from.

“What was that?” she asks when he’s completely out of sight, rushing toward me to grab my clammy hands into hers. She has the nerve to sound excited.

It takes me a few deep breaths until I can speak again, and when I do, I can’t look my sister in the eyes as I simply explain, “he kissed me,” in absolute wonder.

And he did. Eli Wilson—my best friend since grade school and the boy I’ve been in love with since I started wearing a bra—kissed me. The invisible, weird Scott sister. On his own, without prompting or any effort to seduce him on my part. In fact, he’d done a lot more than just kiss me. He’d deflowered me. Owned me. Changed me from within, and rearranged my very being so that my heart beat for only him.

My focus is brought back to Marnie when she starts to pull my arms with her as she jumps up and down, quietly squealing under her breath.

“I can’t believe he finally did it! I’m so glad he didn’t wait until you left like he said he would. I told him you were leaving tomorrow, and he must have realized the window was closing.”

“What?”

“Never mind. Aren’t you happy? You two have been pining after each other for years. Now, you can finally do something about it.”

She smiles at me—a large, toothy smile that showcases every ounce of happiness she’s feeling right now.

I can’t feel it, though. I can’t feel anything. Not until her words make their way into my brain and I begin to make sense of them. Then, it’s blind rage snaking its way through my veins.

“What are you talking about? When were you two talking about me?”

“Yesterday. He and Emma got into another fight and I finally told him to forget about her. I’ve known about you two for a long time. You aren’t very good at hiding it.”

“Hiding what? He’s never been into me like that, Marnie. And now I know he only did that because you made him feel guilty for me. Poor little Mouse, stuck on the sidelines with her pathetic crush.”

This can’t be real. My feet are taking me to the back door before Marnie has a chance to scoop her jaw off the ground and catch up. What is she thinking? She had no business inserting herself into my life the way she did, and now she’s completely destroyed my relationship with Eli. Well, what little shreds that were left.

“Wait! What do you mean? You can’t really be mad. I was just trying to help you. It’s not like I stood there and forced him to kiss you. He did that on his own. He’s liked you for a long time. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen it.”

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