Page 18 of Ruthless Love

MARISSA

I close EnchantedChapters an hour earlier than I normally do. The only reason I do is because I want to get myself together before Cain shows back up. Old Marissa wouldn't have cared what she looked like when her husband was coming to pick her up for dinner. She was complacent, and thought that he wasn't paying attention. Maybe he wasn't, but neither was I. Not to what mattered, and not to what I did for myself.

What's normally a trudge up the stairs turns into me, taking them two at a time. When I get there, I hurry to my bedroom, and throw open the closet door. There's a whole new wardrobe that Cain hasn't seen, and I can't wait to show him who I am now. I've learned how to do my makeup differently, and I wear my hair long and full of curls, something I didn't do back then. It's a slightly different color too.

I reach in and pull out my favorite pair of jeans and sweater. It's fall, but not yet winter, which means it's going to be cold, but it won't take much for me to get hot. With a smile, I set out a new pair of lacy underwear and matching bra.

The phone buzzes as I'm heading for the bathroom to take a shower. It's Hollie, so I answer it quickly. "Hey." I give her a smile. "What's going on?"

"Checking to see if you're doing the livestream tonight. I want that holographic foil. I saw the picture on Instagram this morning."

"Oh, so you're playing the best friend card?"

She nods. "Yes... I don't do it often, and you know that, but can you hold me one back? I'll give you some free food." She bargains with me.

"You don't have to give me free food." I roll my eyes. "But it would be nice. That's an expense I don't have to come up with. I'll hold you one."

'Thank you, I appreciate you friend. What are your plans for tonight? I saw you closed the store early. That's why I'm calling. I walked over there, and you'd closed."

Do I want to tell her? She'll have a few things to say, but I'm unsure if they'll be good or bad things to say. Fuck it, you only live once and all of that. "I'm having dinner with Cain tonight, and he's going to be around for my livestream. He asked to see what I do with them. So I'm getting ready."

"Oh my gosh, Marissa. Are you excited?"

She's always wanted us to get back together. Out of everyone we know, she's the one who continued to talk to me about what it would look like to be back with him. She encouraged me not to give up on the person I spent so much time building a life around, but back when it happened, I wasn't ready to hear it. Now I realize more of what she was talking about. Gently, she was trying to tell me that I was making a permanent decision based on fleeting emotions. "I am. We spent the night together last night."

"Marissssaaaaa... are you serious? Like, did you all just sleep together?"

I roll my eyes. "Hollie..."

"What? I don't know how to navigate this situation with the two of you. You and Cain were our married friends that we hungout with. I've been worried I won't get you in the divorce." She laughs, but it sounds a bit like a sob, too.

"Holls, I'm sorry. I will never make you choose between the two of us. No one has to worry about who you'll get in the divorce. Regardless of what happens in the future with us, we're still all going to be friends, I promise."

She sniffles. "Thank you, Ris. I love you, you're my best friend. Now, what did you and Cain do last night?"

"We fucked," I answer quickly, squealing, and stamping my feet in excitement. "How's that for what we did last night?"

"Marissa. What started it?"

Running a hand through my hair, I shake my head. "I'm not even sure. He was the responding officer when my shop got broken into, and I think he was scared to death when he showed up. We had some words with one another, which turned into us kissing in the kitchen. After that we moved to the bedroom, and it was on Holl. Like in ways we've never done it before. We did things I only thought about before. It was insane. I have bruises."

She giggles. "Maybe Cain will talk to Tommy about that," she mentions her husband. "I wouldn't say no to him being assertive, if you know what I'm saying. It's like he's scared, though."

That was the main issue we'd had, and after what happened with Cain last night, I'm convinced he was nervous and worried about how I would react if he let himself go. "I'll see what I can do for ya. Right now, though, I need to take a shower."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do..."

As I hang up, I answer. "You either." Before giggling and hanging up the call.

An hour later,I'm spritzing the perfume I've taken to wearing on all my pulse points, and into my hair. Before, when Cain and I would go out on dates, I wouldn't get dressed up like this. I'd quit trying, and so had he.

But this?

It's a new beginning. One where I'm promising myself I'm going to be thankful for every single day the two of us have together, where I'm looking forward to whatever is coming our way. Leaning into the mirror, I put a mauve red over my lips and then kiss the mirror. It's a tradition I started with the first livestream I ever did. I'd had so many nerves rolling around in my stomach that I'd impulsively kissed the mirror. If I make a certain amount, I come home and wipe it off, to start over again. If I don't hit my goal, I keep it there, and kiss it again for the next livestream.

Superstitions have kept me fed for the last six months, and I believe them more than I ever have. Which is why I do it before Cain comes to pick me up tonight. Walking back to my bedroom, I stand in front of my full-length mirror and get another good look at myself. My weight loss is evident, but so is my happiness. Turning to the side, I admire myself. I've started doing it lately, and it's made me feel better about myself.

Just as I take a full turn, there's a knock at the door. I grab my purse and rush to open it. Standing on the other side is the Cain from when we were dating.

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