Page 17 of Ruthless Love

I carefully take a seat next to her, wrapping my arm around her neck. "Wanna tell me exactly what this is?"

"It's stupid, really."

"Nothing is stupid if it hurts your feelings like this," I assure her, the way I should've before she left.

"When I decided to open Enchanted Chapters, there were a lot of things I wanted to make happen for myself. It was aweek after I left that I came upon this space. It needed a lot of work, which is why I've been able to afford it. I missed you," she whispers. "More than anything, I wanted you here with me, but I would never have asked you. I wanted the separation. There was no way I was going to ask you to come save me when I felt lonely."

"You could've," I interrupt.

"No, I couldn't, and you know it." She smirks. "I never would've heard the end of it with you."

That hurts. My palm connects to my chest, and I rub at the ache in my sternum at the truth of those words. Back then, I was all about keeping score, and we had to be even. I didn't realize how much that would come back to hurt us both. How it would affect the way we communicated. At the time, it felt more like we were failing anyway, so what did it matter? Now I wish I could have those moments back. "What was it?" I reach out, putting my fingers under her chin and tilting it so that her eyes meet mine. "Trust me when I say I wanna know. There are things about you I didn't realize before. I knew you wore your heart on your sleeve. Instead of letting it make me feel as if I didn't give you enough emotion, I should've leaned into it. What I've been doing our entire marriage is feeling as if I wasn't enough for you. No matter what it was, I always felt as if I'd have to try harder."

"You never had to, Cain. The only thing I asked for was more spice in the bedroom, and for you to pay attention to what I was asking you. Listen to what I was saying. You thought many times that I was talking at you, when really I was begging for you to hear what I was saying. Looking back, I realize we were both wrong, but if you want me to answer your question, I will." She swallows hard, her throat moving with the effort.

"I do. It seems important, and while I wasn't the type of husband, I should've been earlier. I am now. If it's important to you, then it is to me, too."

She ducks her head down. "It's not like I could go see you whenever I wanted to, so I put a picture of you up. I did it as if it were a display of blue collar first responders, but it was about you." Her shoulder lifts. "Every time I walked by, I could see you. It was possible for me to stare, without you knowing."

Those words go straight to my chest. It activates the guilt I've felt at her leaving. Because I know I was the reason for it. She didn't feel comfortable talking to me, and when she tried, I'd shut her down. The situation between us lies at both of our feet, but there's a big part of it that is mine alone. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Don't be sorry, Cain. Everything we've gone through has led us here. We're talking, we had an amazing time last night. I would love to have another night like that soon, if you're willing to."

My stomach lurches with the hope that she's going to get rid of those divorce papers. They haven't been filed yet, so I can only assume they're still sitting in some drawer, or she's got them in the center console of her car waiting to mail them off. My brain wishes last night made a difference, but I'm not sure. She's a closed book, not nearly the person she was the first couple of years of our marriage. But she's opening up to me in a way she hasn't the past few years, and if she's willing to do that, then I'm willing to do whatever I have to. "I'd love that, but is it possible that I can take you to dinner first? I'm still trying to eat enough to give me back the calories I burned last night."

Her cheeks are pink, and her eyes shine. "I'd love that, but we're going to have to talk about times. I have a live stream tonight."

Okay Cain, now you're going to have to act like you haven't been watching her the last few months. "What's that?" I ask, playing dumb.

She crosses her arms over her chest, her finger fidgeting with a string on the arm of her shirt. "Ummm..."

This is someone who doesn't want to admit what she's been doing, if I've ever seen it. "Don't forget, I'm a cop, and I can tell when you're avoiding me by your body language. Why don't you just come off with whatever it is you're planning on doing tonight?"

A big sigh moves her chest up and down. "Okay, fuck. You're so hard to keep shit from."

"I'm used to getting the truth out of people, Ris." I laugh.

"I do Facebook livestreams with my books. Actually, with special editions." She holds up a finger and goes over to a shelf in the back. "Like this."

Now this is the type of book I haven't seen on her streams before. Granted, I haven't watched all of them, and it's not as if I'm there for every single one, but this is really cool. It looks as if a hologram is on the words, and it's like one of those hardcovers my grandma used to get when she would read romance novels back in the day. "What makes it glitter like that in the light as you move it?"

"It's holographic foil." She runs her hand over it. "And then these are sprayed edges." She turns it to the side. "See the pattern?"

I nod, amazed at what I'm watching. "Yeah, that's cool."

"They're very popular, and some of them are hard to get. Believe it or not, these special editions are what keep the lights on here. I ship all over the United States." She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth.

"It sounds like you're busy."

"I am, but it's everything I always wanted." She grins.

What does she mean by that? Marissa had another job while we were living together, and there's a part of me that wants to ask. There's another part of me that's worried she's going to saywords that hurt me. "Can I be around for the live stream? See what you do, and then we can go to dinner?

"Sure." Her eyes heat up. "Then we can see where the night takes us?"

Reaching out, I hook my hands around her waist, pulling her into me. Wrapping an arm tightly around her, I move my free hand to her chin, tilting it down. Lower my voice, I sweep in, kissing her like I own her mouth. "Yeah, we'll see where it takes us." In my mind it's going to be straight back to her bed.

THIRTEEN

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