Page 150 of Empire of Temptation

The ache in my chest was unbearable and exercise was the only way I could think to ease it. Though it was two o’clock in the morning, I couldn’t sleep. I also couldn’t eat. If I started drinking instead to dull my senses, I might not ever stop.

She was gone. I’d given her everything and she didn’t want it, didn’t wantme. I had to get over her and accept it.

Unless you’re planning to hold me hostage here forever, then you have to let me go.

I wiped away the sweat streaming down my face. Part of me had considered keeping her here. Eventually she would come to love this place as much as I do and settle into her role as my wife.

But I couldn’t do it.

Val had lost so much in her life, her choices taken away because of her mother’s illness. Choices stripped because of the trattoria, because of her father. I’d done enough damage. It was time to let her be.

Besides, what did I know of love? The women in my world, including my own mother, were unhappy. The men were all killers, blackmailers. Criminals of all stripes. And I couldn’t change it even if I wanted to. Chi nasce lupo, non muore agnello.

He who is born a wolf does not die a lamb.

What right did I have to bring Valentina into such a fate?

My legs burned as I increased the speed on the treadmill. I needed to forget. To get to a place where I could close my eyes without seeing her beautiful face, without memories of her slicing me from the inside out.

Movement caught my eye and I saw Leonardo enter the room. Clad in only a pair of long shorts, my oldest son walked over to the treadmill, a frown on his face. But he said nothing as he approached. My lungs were too busy forcing in air, so I could only watch as Leo bent and ripped the machine’s cord out of the wall.

The treadmill died.

I gripped the handrails and tried not to fall over. “Che . . . cazzo?” I wheezed.

“You’re scaring everyone. Go to bed, Papà.”

“I’m . . . the boss. Don’t give . . . a fuck.”

Leo folded his arms across his chest. “Are you trying to kill yourself? Is that it? Because I won’t let you. The uncles and guards are too afraid to come in here, but I’m not.”

My legs wouldn’t support my weight, so I collapsed against the wall and slowly sank to the ground. I sucked in huge gulps of air and closed my eyes. I didn’t like admitting weakness, especially in front of one of my boys, but the words tumbled out in my exhaustion. “I just need to sleep.”

I heard him move around, then the door to the tiny refrigerator opened and closed. “Here.” Cool plastic pressed to my palm.

He’d already opened the bottle of water, so I chugged it gratefully. When I finished I said, “You don’t need to worry, figlio. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine.” Lowering himself next to me, he rested his forearms on his bent knees. “You’re very much not fine. Respectfully.”

I hadn’t seen much of my brothers this past week, and most of the household staff had started avoiding me.

Not even finally learning where Niccolò was from D’Agostino had given me the focus I needed. Maybe resolving that mess when Niccolò returned would snap me out of it.

“Allora, I will be fine,” I said. “I’m too wired to sleep from being in a different time zone and then prison. In time I will adjust.”

“I don’t think it has anything to do with jet lag or prison, Papà. I think it has to do with Valentina.”

The sound of her name scraped across my ragged nerves, irritating them further. “Do not say her name to me.”

“Why? Do you hate her that much?”

“I don’t hate her. But I don’t wish to discuss her, either.”

“Zio Sergio said you asked her to marry you.”

I told my brother that information in confidence, the stronzo. He had no right to tell anyone else. I said nothing and used my sleeve to clean the sweat from my face.

“Papà,” he said tiredly. “I know we don’t talk about these things. But we can.”

---