Page 34 of With Wine Comes War

Oh lord. I am not going anywhere with him if he’s drunk. Definitely not letting him drive. I leaned away from him, crossing my arms and pressing my back against the door. I was having some conflicting feelings. I ran my tongue over my bottom lip thinking perhaps I did want to kiss him, and I had to admit I did miss him, but I was being serious right now.

“Do I need to drive?” I asked, tugging my arms close around me for protection.

“No, I only had one. Heaven’s Door, very smooth, you’d like it,” he said nonchalantly and sat back in his seat.

I’m sure I would like it, especially licking it off his tongue.I shook the visual away.

“Where are we headed?” I turned back in my seat to face forward. I thought I should change the subject and give us a little more focus.

“Quiet and casual. I hope that’s fine.”

He was wearing jeans that were hugging his muscular thighs, and a nice tee shirt stretched across his broad chest. It’s not helping me focus whatsoever– unless that focus is of him naked.

He pulled up to a restaurant on the river. The hostess sat us outside overlooking the water on the covered deck. Our table was away from everyone in a corner. We had a view of the river which seemed quiet tonight. It was dark so you couldn’t see the nasty color of the water– it just looked black. I had a feeling this spot was reserved just for us.Another one of his special favors, I’m sure. The server came over to take our order.

“I’ll take a Tito’s and soda with a lime, tall– double.” I hesitated then added, “Please.” I let out the breath I was holding but none of the anxiety subsided. Hopefully the vodka will help.

Roman’s eyes got big and he added to the order never taking his off of me. “I’ll have your best-selling IPA on draft, thanks.” He smiled quickly glancing at the server then back to me, as she looked between us with what seemed like concern on her face.

Oh, you should be concerned honey, this could turn nuclear.

I held the menu up in front of my face to break the connection and he groaned, “Can you put that down for a minute and look at me please?”

I moaned to myself or at least I thought I did. I put the menu down after I decided I was getting fish tacos with tater tots. I shook my head, taking a deep breath, but didn’t say anything as I crossed my arms, placing them on the menu I set down on the table.

“That’s better. I really don’t want to talk to a menu.” He looked a little upset, so I figured I’d give him the floor and see how big of a mistake this really was.

“This dinner was your idea, so you must have something to say.” I flicked my fingers toward him. I sighed and felt a sense of relief when the waitress brought our drinks. We ordered our food before he could say anything else. I took a big slurp from the straw and tried to relax.

“First, thanks for coming.”

I bit my bottom lip trying to figure out how to answer that. I didn’t really feel like I had a choice. “You’re welcome. I feel like I owe you this much, I guess.” I pushed away from the table and sat back then crossed my arms over my chest, protecting myself from any backlash, still holding my drink in one hand.

“You don’t owe me anything. I just figured you might want to. Just three weeks ago we were‘in love’and then you weren’t because you thought I attacked you.”

I dropped my arms as he crossed his and sat my drink on the table. All this defensiveness was getting intense. I leaned in closer, so I didn’t need to raise my voice. I didn’t want an audience. “When did I say I didn’t love you?” I whispered. That was never the problem.

“Then I just don’t fucking get it, I guess,” Roman spat. “You know I didn’t do this, and you say you love me, but you don’t want me? Please explain that, Alex.” His tone of voice was a bit above normal volume, and I looked around to make sure no one was listening. “What am I not getting here?” He threw his hands in the air.

Since when did he become so combative?

“I don’t know what the drugs did to me, Roman. It’s been especially difficult because of all this empathic shit you threw at me,” I whispered harshly, worried that this might become a crime scene. “I really don’t think I can focus on us right now or any relationship for that matter. I don’t know how long it’ll take me to figure it out. Right now, I’m focused on the court case. I’m working on controlling my emotions where that’s concerned, and I can’t do both.” I calmed down and lowered my tone. Emotion was starting to bubble up and I didn’t need that. “Bruce is helping me. Kind of like meditative fighting. I’m also planning on calling your mother tomorrow…” I hesitated to gauge his reaction. “I need to start seeing her again, if you can really keep your distance, like you said.” He was staring at me stone faced with his lips parted like he was caught off guard.

He said, “Why couldn’t you just tell me that? Why can’t I be in your life to help you through it? And what do you mean Bruce is teaching you meditative fighting? I thought you were taking self-defense classes and kickboxing?”

“There’s so much confusion in my head. I still see you in my dreams as the one attacking me. Sometimes it's Tanner but sometimes it’s you.”

He sat up and leaned forward. Now he seemed to be really agitated, clasping his hands aggressively on the table in front of him.

“Alex, you know there’s nothing I can do about that?” He was getting more irritated with me by the second. This drink feels like it may have been a triple or else his powers are in overdrive. My insides are shaking with his aggressive energy radiating onto me.

I sighed in frustration trying to get him to calm down, “Look, I’m just worried I won’t be able to focus on this case. Bruce is teaching me MMA style fighting—private lessons.”

“You’re going to be an MMA fighter? Don’t you think that’s going a little overboard with the self-defense?”

I knew he wouldn’t understand.

“No, I don’t.” Now I was throwing my hands in the air. I was no longer being quiet myself. I crossed my legs and hit my knee on the table and almost knocked my drink over.Ouch, shit that hurt.I rubbed my knee to soothe it some.

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