Page 11 of With Wine Comes War

I smiled as I remembered my childhood fondly.

I was torn from my memory by my father clearing his throat. “Hi, sorry.”What a great son I am. I didn’t even notice my dad sitting there.

He patted me on the back and said, “No problem, Roman, just make sure you’re taking care of yourself. What happened today that brought about all this.?” He waved at me as I slurped up pasta in his dining room. It’s not a normal everyday occurrence unless it’s one of our weekend planned dinners.

“My lunch visitor today was detective Lewis. She’s working with Alex on her assault case. She wanted to let me know that if it goes to court and Tanner doesn't plead out, I’ll probably get called to testify so they can nail down motives.” I didn’t tell my parents what Alex told the officer, though, about thinking they might be going after her to get to me. Didn’t need to freak my parents out too. They already knew she told the officers it was me that attacked her because of the drugs, and that was bad enough.

Dad inquired right before he took a bite of his pasta, “Do they think they have a good case?” Mom cut the conversation short by giving dad a sharp glare.

“Regardless of that,” she snapped. “Roman, let’s go to my office and talk. No sense in speculating about the hearing that hasn’t happened yet.” Wow, mom doesn’t typically go off like that. I wonder what that was all about.

I got up and followed mom out of the kitchen with food in hand and shrugged at dad. He didn’t seem too phased by it, but I could feel the tension radiating all around the room. I walked into mom’s office taking one last peek behind me to see if dad had turned to ash from mom’s rebuke. I planted myself cautiously on the other couch across from where mom sat and lay down after setting my dinner on the coffee table. I was exhausted in every way possible.

“What was that about back there?”

She scoffed, “Did you come here for more stress or less? You need to eat some more before we get started too.” She’s in mom mode, so I hopped up from my prone position. I’m not going to get an answer to that. I’m hungry, so finishing dinner first is probably the right idea.

“Good point,” I agreed, hoping to quell the hostility she seemed to be exuding. Her demeanor went back to normal after that and I ate before she asked anymore questions.

“Tell me what’s really bothering you.” I put the plate down and wiped my mouth on the napkin then got comfortable again.

“Am I really this pathetic, now?” I think she was trying not to laugh. Yeah, me too.What a pussy.I’m sitting here crying to my mommy over a headache. I fell back on the soft sofa and my head landed on one of the decorative feather pillows and sunk in. I wonder if mom would be worried if I pulled the blanket off the back of the sofa and curled up in the fetal position and went to sleep.

“Pathetic? That’s a strong word to describe this. I don’t really think it’s appropriate, either.” I rolled to face her and took a deep breath.The pain that had radiated through my head earlier was now nothing more than a memory.

“Well, how would you describe my behavior then? I mean, I forget to eat, I stare at her pictures on my phone all day, I try to figure out how to contact her or run into her without being creepy and I zone out at work.” I inhaled deeply before the next realization hit. “Harrison looks like the competent one right now.” That’s a sad revelation. I reach up and pinch the end of the blanket contemplating my earlier idea of curling up.

She laughed and tried to comfort me with words. “Oh honey, this is what it feels like to experience real genuine feelings for someone. Do you understand what I was trying to teach you before? Did you feel like this when things didn’t work out before with other women?” I closed my eyes and went through my mental contact list scanning all the other women that had once made a brief appearance in my life. The short and meaningless ‘relationships’ didn’t come close to what Alex and I had. Not even Caitlin, to whom I was engaged.

“You know I didn’t, but this sucks. Would it be the worst thing if I tried to get in touch with her?” I asked thoughtfully.

“The worst thing for who?” Fuck, I don’t know. Her, me? I can’t just sit around and pretend it never happened.

“Good question…” How about if I ask it this way. “...Do you think I should contact her? I mean do you think it would be alright if I did?” Let’s just shoot straight on this.

“Roman, I think that would be fine as long as you’re ready for her response. It could be any number of things. She could be polite, angry, dismissive or ignore you altogether. Are you prepared for that?” I laughed because I’ve literally been reduced to a pathetic excuse for a man.

“I’ve had a good three weeks of prep already.” I sat up with my elbows propped on my knees and my head resting in my hands.

“Well, how are you planning to do it?” Mom brought me out of my thoughts.What about throwing a rock through her window with a note attached?That would get her fucking attention. Now I’m thinking about things that might get me a visit from the cops I really don't want.

“I don’t know, I was thinking about just an email. Thought I would ease into stalking.” I laughed to myself. I didn’t want mom to think I really had lost it.

“That’s probably a good idea.” Thankfully she laughed.So, is she saying I should consider stalking if the email doesn’t work?It’s not a bad idea.I’m such an idiot.

I left feeling better without a headache. I didn’t go straight home, though. I needed to clear my head, so I drove to Alex’s favorite place, “Lookout Park.” It didn’t give me the creeps like it did the first time I came here with her before her mom’s funeral. It was the only place I felt like I could connect with her, now. I parked the car in the same place as last time, right in front of the city view. I opened the sunroof, turned Pink Floyd on the radio, lay back and watched the stars. I think she’s on to something here. This is so peaceful and relaxing. The sky is clear and black as ink. The stars are bright and twinkling almost in time with the music. There’s a gentle breeze blowing in weaving through my hair massaging the tension from my body. Why did it freak me out the night I was here with her? Maybe because I was focused so much on her and not just on being. Well, I’m focused on her again, but for a different reason.

I finished typing the email and hit send.

***

ALEX

I stopped at the door to Grant’s office clenching my pants in my hands to get my bearings before speaking with the Santoros. This felt important for some reason. A little more serious than just saying hello. They both hugged me and gave me the European kiss to both cheeks. They felt like old friends; something about them drew me in.

Mrs. Santoro, Lucia, said in her thick, musical Italian accent, “Alexandra, it’s so wonderful to see you again. You look stunning. Time off has treated you well.”

Time off?You mean like mourning the death of my mother?I’m sure she didn’t mean it the way I took it, but the nausea working its way up into my throat didn’t seem to care about that.

---