Page 27 of Jagger

He’d offered so little in the way of words that I was struck by how profound they were. They were also a direct reflection of the pain he’d suffered. “Maybe so, but big cities highlight every day the amount of suffering just like any small town could. So many hurry about their day-to-day tasks in their expensive clothes and fancy watches, even walking by the homeless or those begging for food, choosing not to look or care. Their complacency and lack of empathy takes almost as many lives. Unfortunately, not their own.”

He seemed surprised at what I’d said, a strange tightness occurring in the thick cords of his neck. When he slowly looked down at the watch I was wearing, I’d never felt so self-conscious in my life.

I twisted it around my wrist, forcing the metal band to dig into my skin. “I’m not going to apologize for who I was up until a few days ago. I worked hard to get where I was.”

“I don’t know you, Bella. What I do know is that you’re running and hiding from someone, not something.”

“Aren’t you doing the same thing?”

Now would be about the time he’d become extremely angry, his tantrums much better than mine.

“Maybe so, but up until recently, I served my country with what I thought was honor.”

His choice of words seemed odd. “You were military.”

“Army ranger.”

“Then that is serving with honor. Why would you think otherwise?”

“When you witness unparalleled acts of brutality, you learn that often what’s disguised as honor is nothing but a lie.”

“Betrayal is very difficult.”

He chuckled. Where I had coffee, he’d poured himself a drink, slowly sipping on whatever he was having as he returned his stare toward the front yard. “Yeah, very true.”

“Losing trust in someone you thought you knew can be the worst feeling in the world.”

“One hell of a wake-up call, but sometimes that’s what all of us need.” He threw back his glass and I felt certain he was going to suck down the entire thing.

He didn’t.

“Living with ghosts isn’t good for anyone,” I whispered. It was something I’d tried to tell myself to keep from falling into a vacuum of depression. As with everything else I’d touched lately, I’d failed.

“Then don’t.”

Invisible claws continued to slice at my chest almost every time I started to drift into panic mode. Grief and rage were usually close behind, but at least on this peaceful day I managed to curb any outburst of sadness. I must have made a noise of some kind because I sensed Jagger was studying me.

“That ink on your arm. Military?”

“Some, not all. Just reminding myself I’m alive.”

“They’re very attractive on you.”

“You should see the scars.”

I tilted my head. “I’m sorry, Jagger. I really am.”

“Lady, don’t feel sorry for me. I deserved what I got. I’m not good company and I’ll never be confused for caring too much about anyone. But what you went through pisses me off. Whoever hurt you needs a world of hurt coming in return.” He started to turn away and I just wasn’t ready to let him go.

Maybe I needed the company or the heavy, almost sexual bantering. It was better than the agonizing soul searching I’d been doing.

“He’s not worth it. The worry. The anger. It’s just tough to put it into perspective when I thought he was something else entirely. I just was stupid enough to find that out the hard way.” I looked down, forced to watch the single tear plop into my coffee. How many times had I promised myself I wouldn’t cry? How many nights had I done my best to avoid the nightmares?

What little I knew about Jagger was enough to know my tiny emotional outburst would be too much for his hard-hearted soul to accept. He’d walk away just like he obviously did with most people and anything difficult drifting into his world.

He was still standing there staring at me. When he shifted directions, closing the distance between us, my heart hammered in my chest. Blood rushed to my ears from the ringing that instantly occurred. The moment he touched me, I was struck with a blinding jolt of electricity rushing straight to my core.

I couldn’t like him. I didn’t want to. I certainly had no business thinking of him in the way I was, but the fire within was too significant.

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