Page 87 of Jagger

“Careful with all those secrets, bro. They will eat you alive. So with Bella, I can see some light in those angry eyes of yours. What’s wrong with enjoying her company?”

“What’s wrong? I’m afraid I’ll hurt her,” I admitted. I’d woken up several times to find a lamp broken or a bottle smashed against the wall and I had no memory of doing so. What if I did something terrible in the middle of the night? I would press the barrel of a gun against my temple.

“Then don’t. But that means you might need some help. It was forced on me after a few… incidents.”

It was the closest he’d come to talking about his life before the resort. I knew better than to ask questions. The different ordeals the three of us had gone through would mostly die with us. It was not only a requirement, but the shit was way too personal.

“Easier said than done. I think I’m violent during the nightmares.”

His eyes drilled into mine. “Bella is a doctor, bro. She will understand if you talk to her. Maybe she can offer some psychological help, even if you don’t think you need any. If you’re worried about hurting her in any way, you need to ask yourself why the fuck you think you don’t need anyone’s help. Besides, I have a feeling she already cares a hell of a lot about you.”

“How could she?”

“You didn’t see her face when you rescued Cally.”

I snorted. “Being grateful for performing a rescue and caring are entirely different.” I knew she cared. I wasn’t certain why I was lying except my brothers would continue nagging at me. Just like I’d done when Shephard had gotten involved with Denise.

“I’m no expert in the love department. You know that, but you need to face your feelings and your fears. There’s nothing wrong with caring about someone.”

“Not true.”

“Oh, come on,” Hunter hissed. “Tell me why.”

“It’s not true if you were the reason the only other person you ever cared about is dead. That’s why.” I hadn’t intended on spouting out those words and as soon as I did, I instantly regretted doing so.

Hunter’s eyes opened wide. “Wow. No wonder you’ve been keeping that armor on. I bet it’s getting pretty heavy.”

“Let it go. I don’t want to talk about what happened.”

“Shephard is right. You definitely need to talk to someone, but I suggest Bella. Does she know how anxious you are and anything about what you went through?”

“Only what she’s gleaned, but she’s good at picking me apart. That shit is not fair to her.”

“No matter what you think of me, Jagger, the worst thing you can do is to allow your past to interfere with your future. Plus, keeping closed off and away from everyone will never allow you to sleep at night. I tried that. I failed. I can’t tell you the number of times I had my service revolver in my mouth. The only thing that kept me from pulling the trigger was the knowledge that maybe one day things would get better.”

That was the most Hunter had told me about what he’d suffered. He may be the jokester and the playboy, but I sensed a much darker side that neither Shephard nor I had any clue about.

I noticed Denise walking in our direction, Shephard prepared to meet her halfway. I chuckled under my breath and Hunter glanced over his shoulder.

When they kissed, I groaned. He shook his head.

“There’s nothing wrong with affection, bro,” Hunter told me. “Including in public. Maybe take your non-relationship woman out and you might be surprised how good it feels.”

“Said by a guy who’s never been in a relationship.” Whether or not I knew Hunter’s personal demons, I sensed my comment had pinched a nerve.

What would we be like if we’d become doctors or attorneys? Would we be any closer?

Hunter stood to greet her and I did the same. Why did it feel so damn formal?

The lovebirds headed to the table and Denise immediately hugged Hunter first before heading in my direction. She was a hugger and that was fine. I just wasn’t into it.

“At least this time you didn’t flinch,” Denise told me when she pulled away. As a park ranger, she was all business and barked orders, but around my brother she was all lovey-dovey.

Just like he was.

“I don’t do that.”

“Yes, you do,” the three of them answered.

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