Page 53 of Jagger

And not physically.

“You’re welcome. How’s your ankle?” He still didn’t look over at me.

I stroked Cally’s head and shifted my leg. He wasn’t paying any attention. “Just a twist. Nothing more.”

“Take it easy on that foot.”

“Yes, sir. Any other orders you need to bark out?”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means you can’t look at me and I don’t know why.”

Jagger finally turned his head. “You almost died. That bothers me. Okay? The shit didn’t need to happen.”

His stare was hard, but not cold like it had been so many times before. “Okay. Aren’t you the one who told me that we always can’t control everything?” We’d been through so many rounds of strained silence, but to me, this one was the worst.

“I never said that. I should be able to. I’m trained to do that.”

Bullshit. Yet he really believed that about himself. “No, Jagger. If everyone got their way, imagine the chaotic world we’d live in.”

“And we don’t now?” He gave me a long and very heated gaze that tingled me to my toes.

“Not really. It may seem like it sometimes, but there could be worse things.”

He huffed as if he knew I was dead right.

“You should keep the dog,” he stated as if being definitive.

“What if she belongs to someone?”

“So put up flyers. I guarantee someone dumped her off like the shitholes they are.” He finished his drink and rose to his feet, storming away as if angry with me. He’d been so tender before, so damn caring that I’d thought maybe his wall of armor had started to crumble a little. As usual with the man, I was wrong.

He returned with the bottle in his hand. “We need dogfood.”

“Okay. We’ll feed her some steak later. I know we have plenty.” I tried to laugh it off since it was his choice, but he wasn’t interested in breaking the mood. But I couldn’t stand the wall built between us any longer. “You saved lives during your tour with the Army.” I didn’t really make the tangled words a question. My instinct told me I was right.

His half smile felt like a win in a battle I had no intention of losing. I was far too exhausted to pick at his wounds or his insufferable attitude.

He cocked his head in my direction again and the corners of his mouth curled in a way that sent heated shivers down my spine. Some would say he had no charm, maybe even no redeeming qualities, but they hadn’t seen the side of him I’d been allowed to see.

If only for a little while.

After bringing the glass to his lips, he licked the rim before taking a sip. Maybe he was trying to entice me on purpose or just keep me on a short leash. Every scrutinizing look he offered was a direct reflection of the darkness he’d suffered.

As someone who’d also studied psychology in her effort to become a surgeon, every glance he offered made me want to learn more about his demons.

“Yeah, I did,” he said. “Lost some too. Search and rescue tactical missions with a highly qualified team, but we made mistakes.”

“You’re trying to insinuate you made mistakes and you’re having a difficult time living with that.”

“Don’t psychoanalyze me, Bella. You won’t like what you find.”

He was trying to convince himself of that fact. “Damn it, Jagger,” I huffed, letting a few seconds go by. “Until what?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that it’s easy to ascertain by your clipped answers that something happened during your military career that troubles you. Until you face what occurred, you’ll never heal. That’s just pointing out facts.” On that damn mountain slope, I’d gathered a sense I’d lost him for a few seconds. I’d felt it, not seen it. Even now, the ugliness from something he’d thought about was eating at him. What in God’s name had he been forced to endure?

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