Page 80 of Dungeons and Drama

“Dad…do you really think you’re going to be okay?” My voice is shaky even though I try to sound strong.

He puts out his hand and I squeeze it. “Yeah, I’ll be okay. I’m so sorry to put you through all of this.”

I shrug.

“Thanks for being here. It really means a lot.”

Unsaid words hang between us. We both know that a few months ago, I might not have been at his bedside in tears.

“Riley, I’m so sorry for anything I did these past years that hurt you. You were right, I should have made more of an effort to talk to you. I should have told you how luminous you are every time you’re onstage, because you are. You’re amazing.”

I shake my head. “You don’t have to do this. It doesn’t matter. I’m just glad you’re going to be okay.”

“It does matter.” Dad’s voice is more serious than I’ve ever heard it. “It’s true that I don’t know how to talk about theater. I don’t know the jargon. Plus, that was something you shared with your mom. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t impressed or proud of you. You’ve always been the best thing in my life. I should have done a better job making sure you knew that.” He lays his hand on my shoulder and tears prick my eyes.

“Can I tell you a secret?” he continues.

I nod.

“I’m glad you took your mom’s car back in August.”

I snort and the sound pulls me from my sadness. “You both seemed pretty furious at the time.”

“Well, sure. You could have died, you could have killed Hoshiko, you broke a ton of laws. We let you off really easy.”

“Way to be dramatic,” I mutter.

“But having you at the store was…well, it has been the best thing to happen to me in a very long time. I’ve absolutely loved it.”

The tears are back again, stronger than ever. I wipe at them and turn in my chair until my back is to the TV. “I’m sorry I said I was quitting. I’m sorry for all the things I said before, and for not trying harder to spend time with you, and for generally being a bad daughter. I’ll cut out the other extracurriculars so I have the time.”

“Because you feel guilty?”

“No,” I say in a totally unconvincing voice. “But I don’t want to do anything that gives you more stress or worry or anything. I was being selfish before.”

“Riley.” Dad turns off the TV and gives me a sad smile. “Nothing you did caused me to be here. The only causes are bad genes and a lifelong love of deep-fried foods. And you aren’t being selfish. I was the selfish one—wanting to keep you at the store when you have other things you love doing. I only want you to be happy.”

“But I love being at the store.”

He squints in confusion. “Well…okay, I’m glad to hear that. But the important thing is that you don’t need to come to the store for us to spend time together. There’s lots of stuff we can do. We can go buy more pumpkins for the store—or holiday decorations! We could try cooking some of the healthy food I’ll be eating soon. Maybe you could even take me to one of the musicals you love so much?”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely. We’re getting the best seats in the house assoon as I’m out of a hospital gown. And in the meantime, you should spend your evenings doing whatever makes you happy. If that’s not the store, then that’s totally fine. But you’re always welcome.”

I look at Dad in his wrinkled gown and bedhead and my heart swells. I’ve spent years keeping my distance from him because of bitterness and some sort of misconstrued loyalty to Mom. I’ve missed so much time, and I was close to missing so much more. I was being ridiculous. I love him. He’s my father.

I lean in and hug him harder than when I first came into the room. He makes a littleoofsound and squeezes me back. For the first time in hours, I take a deep breath.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Dad turns the TV back on and we sit together through the end of theSeinfeldepisode and the start of a new one. It’s the Puffy Shirt one, and it’s good to hear Dad’s chuckle. I keep waiting for Mom to come back, but she’s clearly biding her time somewhere else in the hospital.

A nurse comes in to check on Dad, and theSeinfeldmarathon turns into a talk show. I sneak a glance at Dad. He clears his throat.

“You know, you never did tell me how homecoming went. Did you and Nathan have a good time?”

I know Dad’s making an effort, so I do the same, even though this isn’t a feel-good topic. I tell him about John and Jordan coming to dinner in their LARPing costumes and about Hoshiko and Lucas’s choreographed dance and he laughs at all the right places. If he notices that I haven’t mentioned Nathan, he doesn’t point it out. I think about leavingit since we’re doing so well, but I need to be truthful with Dad if we’re going to have a chance at a better relationship.

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