Page 73 of Dungeons and Drama

I still can’t believe that happened. I should be basking in the joy of watching my ex grovel before me. I should be jumping up and down with excitement next to Nathan on the dance floor. I won.

But sitting next to Nathan right now, trying not to notice how incredibly gorgeous he looks in his slightly wrinkled suit with his glasses askew, it doesn’t feel like I’ve won anything. All tonight has done is show me what an absolute mess I’ve made of everything. My heart is going to collapse if I have to spend one more moment with Nathan while he pretends he likes me and I pretend I don’t love him.

Because I do. I haven’t let myself admit it or even think ituntil now, but I can’t deny the emotions anymore. I love the way he accepts me for who I am, how loyal he is to his friends and the store and my dad, and that he came with me tonight despite his disdain for school functions because he wanted to make sure I was taken care of and happy. He’s one of the best people I’ve ever known. I want him to think the same of me. I want him to choose me over everyone and everything else because there’s nowhere he’d rather be. But he’s still interested in Sophia, and I need to make my peace with that.

“Riley?”

I’ve been staring at him and shake myself. “We need to call it off now for real,” I say. “No more boyfriend mode. You don’t need to act that way anymore for Paul’s benefit.”

Nathan toes the ground. “Okay.”

I take a deep breath to prepare myself for this next part. I feel sick, but I know it’s ultimately for the best. Tonight has made my decision for me.

“Also, I’ve been wanting to tell you that my parents are releasing me from the store. No more probation. So I won’t be stealing your hours anymore.” I try for a small smile, like this is good news, but Nathan scowls.

“What? Are you serious? You’re going to stop working?”

“Yeah. I think it’s best if I step back from the store and the game.”

“No, we need you for the game, especially after Lucas pulled that BS with the wraith in the last session! We won’t survive without your character. And we need your help at the store too.”

“It’s just too much, Nathan. I won’t be able to balance everything with my choir and musical commitments.”

“How long have you known you were quitting?”

I cringe and look at the ground. “I hadn’t exactly decided about it, but…Mom told me a week ago they were lifting the punishment.”

“Aweek? You’ve got to be kidding me. That means…you knew you were quitting when we watched Monty Python together? You knew during every shift we worked since then and you never told me? You never told any of us?” He’s sitting up straight now, his voice louder and eyes wide. Icrumple more into my chair. I can’t take the way he’s glaring at me. Yet another example of me messing everything up.

“I’m sorry. I should have said something sooner. I just…I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.”

He sits back. “But now—tonight—you’re suddenly sure you want to quit.”

I twist the bracelet I’m wearing and nod slowly. We’re both silent, and distantly it occurs to me how strange we must look. All around us, people are laughing and dancing. “Y.M.C.A.” plays so loudly I can barely hear Nathan over the chorus and resulting singing. And all I want to do is go home with Hoshiko and curl up in blankets.

“The timing makes sense,” I say to fill the silence between us. “It will be too strange to play in the game with Sophia now. And I’m still really hopeful about bringing back this musical and when I do, the work is going to be all-consuming. There’s nothing more important to me than making this musical happen.”

“Nothing?”

“It’s what I love,” I whisper.

My heart splintered the moment I saw Paul watching us on the dance floor, and this conversation is cracking it open further. I can’t stay here any longer with Nathan. His gaze might as well be pouring hot oil on a fresh burn. It’s possible he hates me in this moment. He certainly doesn’t like me.

Hoshiko and Lucas wave for us to come out onto the floor. I’m grateful for an excuse to escape. I point in their direction. “Looks like we’re being summoned.”

He glances over and grimaces. “You go without me. I’m not up for more dancing.”

I stand, desperate to get away from this conversation but hating the idea of being away from him. He holds up a hand to stop me.

“Actually…” Nathan’s voice cuts through the music and through my chest. “Hoshiko drove tonight, too, right? So she can give you a ride back to your house?” He runs a hand through his hair. “I think I might go home. Turns out I was right about school dances.” He glares at the scene around him.

My heart plummets in my chest. “She can drive me,” I say faintly.

“Cool.” He raises a hand in goodbye, his posture stiff and expression pained. “It was good faking it with you. You really are a great actress, Riley.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

Hoshiko and I stay at the dance for another hour because I don’t want to pull her from Lucas and Hoshiko argues that staying might make me feel better. She’s wrong, but at least her exuberant joy distracts from how horribly this night has imploded. I slump into my seat as soon as we get in her car. She looks at me with sympathy. “I’m sorry about you and Nathan.”

---