Page 89 of The Bartender's Baby

My jaw dropped. “How does it make you feel like shit? I’m trying to show my appreciation.”

“Because, Tab.” He huffed and nudged Lucy off his lap, strain filling his body. My golden retriever turning Doberman. “It’s not enough. That’s not what I want.”

“What do you want?” I searched the kitchen as if I could find the answer among the appliances. “I don’t understand.”

“I want you to tell me you love me,” he said, his voice raised slightly like he’d beenwaitingto tell me that. “It’s really starting to bother me. I tell you all the time. I try to show you. I know you need people to be there for you. You need people to be physically around you. I understand that, and I love it.” He pressed his hands to his chest. “I love giving you what you need, but it feels like you aren’t even trying to give me what I need.”

My jaw flapped up and down. “I…”

“Even now, you can’t do it,” he went on, waving his hand in my direction. “I’ve been so patient because I love you, and I’ve told you over and over and showed you. I know it’s hard for you, and I know it’s taken so much for you to open up the way youhave with me already, but goddamn, I love you. I need to hear it. I need to hear those words.I love you.”

His shoulders curled as if it had taken everything out of him to get all that out in one breath, and maybe it had, yet I couldn’t help the trace of resentment that coiled in my belly. How long had he been feeling like this? How long had he been “patient” with me? I knew he didn’t mean it to come off like condescension, but that was what it felt like. Like he was the perfect one, and I wasn’t. He’d been doing everything right, and I’d been taking advantage of him.

That was why I thanked him for doing the dishes. Because some people didn’t feel the need to be so supportive. Some men let their wives and girlfriends do everything. Some fathers took no responsibility. But Nate did, and, yes, I appreciated and loved him, and I tried to show him. Maybe not with words but with time we spent together, in the nights I stayed awake until he returned home, in the texts I sent him checking in, the ways I touched him, cuddled him. Still, he made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough when I’d had a baby three months ago, no matter that we weren’t even talking about George.

“I’m sorry,” I said, not sounding at all apologetic. “I didn’t realize you were so needy.”

As soon as the words were out, I wanted to suck them back in. I hadn’t even thought of them; they’d just tumbled out, my mind all over the place. The fear I’d long since hoped to overcome still clung onto my heart, never letting me fully give myself to the one person I should.

“I’m needy?” Nate spat. “The guy you said you appreciated so much not even five minutes ago?He’sthe needy one? Notyou?”

I hung my head, my words and thoughts all jumbled together, so much that I couldn’t reply.

“I might be the needy one, but at least I’m not so fucking frigid all the time.”

I winced, reeling back in my chair like he’d slapped me.

Of course, he hadn’t, but I teared up, nonetheless.

Nate frowned, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

I nodded and pulled the sleeves of my sweatshirt over my hands to dab at my eyes. After everything, I still didn’t want to seem weak. Even if he was the one who made me feel that way.

“I just wanted to talk,” I murmured, voice cracking.

Next to me, he took a few deep breaths, stretching his hand out to curl around my neck. “I know. I think… I’m really stressed, and I don’t want to keep having this conversation right now. I don’t want us to keep saying things we don’t mean. I need to go to Walt’s, and we can talk later tonight or tomorrow. Okay?”

It wasn’t okay, but I nodded anyway.

Then he stood, gathered his cell phone, keys, and wallet, and headed out the door without so much as a backward glance.

TWENTY-EIGHT

NATE

“Hey, boss, I’m heading out unless you need anything else.”

I spun in my chair at the desk in the back office of Walt’s. I’d been here for a couple hours, trying to catch up on everything I’d let slip through the cracks the last few weeks. Between the baby and Tabby Cat opening, I’d been neglecting this place. But what better time to work than now since I’d already fucked up at home?

“Nah, Bran, I’m good.”

“All right. See ya?—”

“Hey.” When he stopped mid-pivot, I leaned back, raising my chin so we had each other’s gaze. “I wanted to let you know I’m happy you’ve stepped up, and I appreciate all your hard work.”

Bran grinned. “Thanks, man.”

We clapped hands as a goodbye, and I swung back around to my computer once he left. Although, I didn’t feel any more motivated than before. I stared at the screen, the columns of words and numbers blurred together into a meaningless mess. I couldn’t focus, not after that argument with Tabby earlier.

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