Page 31 of The Bartender's Baby

I was due for my second ultrasound in an hour, and while I was technically a high-risk pregnancy because of my past history, there had been no reason to worry or need extra tests. My doctor had repeatedly assured me that what happened before was a complete fluke. A very unlucky and tragic accident.

But that didn’t help me.

Nausea churned in my stomach as memories bombarded me. Of this same appointment when my world had shattered. Danny hadn’t been able to attend the ultrasound, so I’d gone on my own.

Faced with the technician’s strained expression as she called for the doctors. The deafening silence when they turned off the monitor, unable to find a heartbeat. That cold dread settling into my bones as I realized my baby was gone.

And I’d been alone.

Curling into a ball on my bed, my entire body shaking with the force of my grief, I knew I couldn’t do that again. I couldn’t go through this appointment alone. I couldn’t face that same traumatic situation alone. If there was no heartbeat…I wouldn’t survive it.

I found my phone and called the person who had been the one constant in my life for years. If only I’d recognized that earlier.

“Tabby cat,” he answered cheerfully. “Didn’t expect you to be calling me so early. I figured you and the tadpole were still getting your beauty sleep.”

“Nate.” My voice broke on his name, and I thought I could hear a screech in the background, like chair legs scraping on the floor.

“What? Tabby? What’s wrong?”

His concerned tone made my breath catch in my throat as I tried to explain. “I c-can’t… The ultrasound…”

“Where are you? I’ll come to you. Where are you?”

“Home,” I managed, and he told me he’d be here in ten minutes.

“I’m going to hang up now so I can drive, but I’m coming. Hold tight, and I’ll be there soon.”

Not even eight minutes later, Nate was pounding on my front door. I flung it open and launched myself into his arms, burying my face in his solid chest as harsh sobs racked my body.

“Shh, I’ve got you, Tabby cat,” he murmured, cradling me close. “Just breathe. I’m here.”

He held me, gently rocking me back and forth, until I calmed. When I finally pulled back, he cupped my face in his hands, swiping away the tears with the pads of his thumbs.

“What’s going on? You’re scaring me. And not in the will-put-on-curse-on-your-kingdom kind of way.”

I managed a watery laugh despite myself and drew in a shuddering breath. “It’s my second ultrasound today. That’s when…”

I could tell he understood from his single nod and the way his grasp on me tightened ever so slightly.

“I can’t go through that alone. I can’t.”

“You’re not alone. I’m right here.” He kissed my forehead, tangling his fingers in my still-damp hair. “I’m not going anywhere, all right?”

He pulled me in for another embrace, my face against his throat, his pulse pounding where my lips brushed it. He combed his hand into the hair at the back of my head, holding me inplace, murmuring gentle nothings, quite literally keeping me from breaking.

And when I was finally ready to go, he filled up my water, grumbling something about “this goddamn house” and stuck a banana in my bag before bundling me in my coat.

It was a gray day, looked like rain, appropriate for my mood, and Nate kept his hand on my thigh as we drove. With him next to me, I felt safe in a way I couldn’t fully comprehend but was what I’d always dreamed of.

He held my hand as we were ushered back to the sterile ultrasound room and stayed quiet as I answered a few questions. He helped me up onto the table and held my gaze as the tech grinned like we were a happy couple.

This time, it didn’t feel like it did when we’d pretended at the dealership. This time, it didn’t feel like pretending at all. It felt necessary.

I lifted my shirt, displaying my rounded belly, halfway through this journey, and Nate’s blue eyes shifted down before flicking back up to mine as if he’d been caught doing something wrong. I shook my head. “It’s okay.”

And then his focus was there again, staring in wonder. His fingertips brushed over the curve below my belly button once before the technician squirted warm gel there. I held Nate’s hand in a viselike grip, but he merely offered me a smile and stroked his thumb over my knuckles.

The tech smiled at me. “Let’s take a look at your baby.”

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