Page 28 of Your Soul to Keep

Dad reading to me every night before I fell asleep.

I began to shake, my teeth chattering as if I’d just come in from the cold. There was no escaping this kind of cold, it came from inside.

Gabe reached for me, his hands covering mine and stilling them, holding me together as my spirit flew apart.

Easing me into the safety and shelter of his wide chest.

I stared up at him.

I’m so alone.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispered.

My eyes searched his, watching as they glossed over with tears.

Glossed over for me.

Withme.

He dropped his forehead to mine, and the thin thread holding me together snapped.

My head fell back on my neck as I fisted my hands in his shirt, an ugly, guttural sob ripping through the tightness of my throat.

“Aw, fuck,” he growled, his voice pained. Cupping his big hand around the back of my head, the other braced at the small of my back, he tucked his face into my neck and yanked me closer.

I clung to him like he was my last hope, gulping back sobs, choking on my tears, and still I fought to hold myself together.

“Baby,” he whispered, rocking us back and forth. “Just let it out.”

Let it out?

I’d never get it back in.

Every muscle in my body jerked taut as I tried to rein it in. My next breath, like oxygen to a flame, ignited the rage inside, twisting that roiling ball of grief into a hurricane of fire before setting it free to lash against the walls of my windpipe as it forced its way to the surface with a primal scream that seared my vocal cords.

It had been building, growing, and gathering ammunition for years.

On and on it sounded, hurting my ears as it bounced off the walls, stealing the strength from my legs, and bringing me to the floor as it left me emptier than I’d ever been.

Gabe sank down with me, wrapped his body around mine and held me tight as my sobs rattled me, as my tears baptized the pain.

“Baby, baby, baby,” he whispered. “You’re okay. I fucking promise, you’re okay.”

The body can only take so much before it shuts down.

The last thing I saw before my eyelids drifted to a close was a single, shiny tear rolling down Gabe’s ravaged face.

7

Very Fucking Nice

Icametoslowly,my eyes gritty with sleep and swollen with the violent spilling of grief.

But I’d never felt so warm or safe as I did in that moment with the sweetest of dreams wrapped around me.

The last memory I had of the night before was curling into Gabe as he hoisted me up in his arms.

I slept better than I had in weeks. Maybe it was exhaustion, but I suspected it had more to do with the man pressed against my back, his scruffy face in my neck, and his strong arms wrapped around me.

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