Page 18 of Fight for You

Dr. Monroe nods encouragingly, her gentle smile encouraging me to continue. “It's understandable that these things take time. It's important to be patient with yourself as you work through these emotions.”

I fidget with the hem of my dress, thoughts swirling as I struggle to put my feelings into words. “I still have this fear of being abandoned. It's like no matter how hard I try to let people in, I always end up pushing them away because I'm scared they'll leave me just like my father did.”

Dr. Monroe listens. “It takes courage to confront these feelings, but remember, you are not alone in this journey. I am here to support you every step of the way.”

“I’ve been doing some reflecting since our last session,” I start. “I’ve been trying to confront my feelings about my dad leaving us, and the verbal abuse I put up with for years.”

Dr. Monroe nods, her pen poised to take notes as I continue to share my thoughts. With each tender revelation, the weight on my chest seems to lighten ever so slightly, like a burden being slowly lifted off my shoulders. The more I speak, the more I unravel years of pent-up emotions and insecurities.

“I think… I think I’m starting to see that maybe it wasn’t my fault,” I whisper, tears glistening. “That maybe his leaving had more to do with him than with me.”

She smiles. “Healing is a journey, and you’re making incredible progress by acknowledging these difficult emotions and thoughts. Remember, it’s okay to feel vulnerable and uncertain - that’s where growth begins.”

I hesitate for a moment. “His leaving had a huge effect on me. As an adult, I feel stupid for even thinking it had something to do with me, but it takes me back to that first time he left, tears streaming down my face, screaming out for him to come back.”

Talking about this with anyone is terrifying, but if this is what needs to be done to find happiness, and confront my insecurities, it must be. I don’t want anything to stand in the way of Leo and I’s future.

“I’ve been journaling, writing down my thoughts and feelings. Like you suggested. It helps me sort through everything and make sense of it all. And I’ve been trying to open up more to my friends about what I’m going through.”

“Opening up to others is a crucial part of the healing process. It shows that you’re willing to let others in and share your burden. Insecurities.”

Therapy isn’t as bad as movies make it seem. Sure, it is hard to open up at first, but then once you start, it is like everything spills out. There is something about being in a room with aperson that has heard worse things than what I am about to say. It takes some of the pressure of judgment away and I can just speak freely.

Dr. Monroe started seeing me last week, and this is already my fifth visit. Anytime I need to talk to someone, she allows me to call and see if she is available. Lucky for me, she didn’t charge an arm and leg for these sessions either. Another great thing about living in a small town, there isn’t corporate greed. We all want to help each other.

“I know you said that I shouldn’t push him away and I haven’t, but he asked me out on a date…”

Her eyebrow raises. “And what did you say?”

“Yes, of course. Do you think I shouldn’t go? Now that I’m thinking about it, it scares the hell out of me. I love him, utterly and truly in love with him, but what if I run like last time? Hurt him again?”

She smiles, but didn’t respond.

“You think I should do whatever I feel is right. Everything about that man is right for me. That’s why I’m still pissed at myself for how I ended things or the lack thereof last time. When we get back together, I want to make sure I’m not going to hurt him…”

She put her notepad down on the small end table next to her chair and scoots to the edge. “Now Brylee, we have talked about that. You can’t guarantee you won’t hurt someone, however you can take the necessary steps to try to prevent it. Now that you have me to rush over to… if you ever feel like running, do so to me instead of out of town.”

God, I like her. She has such a way with words. A way to make me feel like I am not completely fucking bonkers with everything going on inside my fucked up brain. Why am I putting off the true happiness I desire? There is no doubt in my mind that Leo and I will be very happy together.

“Okay, that’s it for our session today. I’ve got another appointment waiting in the lobby. Again, if you need me, I’m just a call away.” She gets up from her chair and heads straight for the door, opening it with a smile. “See you next week.”

I grab my purse off the couch and smile as I walk out of the door and back onto the streets of Lawson Ridge. My purse vibrates.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me. I’m at the bookstore. Are we still meeting?” Candace asked.

“Yeah, just a block away. Be there in a minute.” I hang up and briskly walk around the corner and down the street.

As I walk inside, Candace is sitting by the window with a steaming cup of latte in front of her. Her face lights up when she sees me approaching. We exchange a hug and settle down at our favorite table, the soft chatter of other patrons p/roviding a soothing background soundtrack to our conversation. Candace leans in, her eyes curious. “So, how have you been since I last saw you? You said you had been seeing someone.”

I sigh, stirring my own coffee before meeting her gaze. “It’s been… intense. I’ve been delving deeper into my past, trying to make sense of it all. It’s like peeling back layers of an onion, you know? Each revelation brings me closer to understanding myself and why I think the way I do.”

Candace nods. “I’m proud of you, Brylee. It takes real courage to confront your demons head-on.”

A small smile tugs at the corners of my lips as I think about Leo. The way he looks at me with those kind eyes, the gentle touch of his hand on mine - it all feels like a lifeline in the stormy sea of my emotions. “Speaking of confronting things… Leo asked me out on a date.”

Candace’s eyes widen, a delighted grin spread across her face. “No fucking way. You know how I feel about him. He is completely in love with you. Always has been.”

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