Page 44 of Agony of Our Regret

Gavin’s expression went blank watching us. Luca stared at Vince, but he seemed almost relieved.

It took several minutes for Vince to let it out and then compose himself. He lifted his head from my chest and wiped his face. He looked around at the guys and said it again. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“We all are,” Gavin told him.

“I fucked up so bad.” Vince sounded desperate. “I was so lost in myself, my hurt and anger that I forgot who and what I am. I let those emotions control my life and decisions. I thought pulling away and creating a new life would make me happy, but I’ve been miserable these past few years.”

He faced me, eyes and voice intense as strong as he was now. .

“I want to come home, babe. I want my family back.”

I sniffed, fighting to keep from crying and unable to speak.

“Am I too late?”

My head and heart were at war. My heart begged to let him back in, but my head screamed to protect myself.

“No,” I said simply.

His brows lifted. “You can forgive me?”

“I already have.” I reached up and ran my thumb under his eye to wipe away the tears, then cupped his cheek. “But I’m not ready to let you, or you guys,” I began, glancing at Sky and Noah, “back in. Not yet.”

“What does that mean?” Sky moved until he was kneeling in front of me. “Sweets, please. I love you.”

I smiled and closed my eyes, absorbing his words before I responded. “I love you too, but you three also hurt me. I know why you stayed with Noah, but days turned into weeks, thenmonths. I’m not sure you would have come back anytime soon if your parents hadn’t asked.”

“Which is why you didn’t tell us?” Noah asked.

I lifted my gaze to his and nodded. “I didn’t want any of you to feel obligated. I didn’t want you here because you felt like you had to. I needed it to be your choice. I still do. If you don’t want to be here for me and the guys, then don’t stay. Please. Go back to your lives as soon as it's safe. The three of us can more than provide for the baby.”

“But I want to be here,” Sky pleaded. “I need you. I always have.”

Luca stepped to my side. “Then you need to prove it. No more empty words. We won’t accept that. If you want to be in our lives again, live with us, love Avalon, and be a part of this baby’s world, then you need to prove yourselves.”

“Okay,” Sky immediately agreed. “I’ll do whatever you guys need to feel how much I love you all.”

I smiled and took his hand, then glanced at Vince and caught Noah’s heavy stare. “You have a choice. You all do. Always. I don’t want anyone here if it’s not one hundred percent what you want. Whatever you decide, I’ll accept and respect. We can leave things on good terms. Stay in touch even if you want to return to your lives when things with the AS are resolved. What I don’t want is for you to stay out of misplaced obligation.”

“I’m––” Vince opened his mouth to speak again, but I stopped him.

“This wasn’t the way I wanted to tell you guys.”

“You weren’t going to tell us,” Noah interrupted.

“I was.” I remained firm. “It’s not something I could hide for long. I just wanted more time to work through my own thoughts and emotions before knowing yours. But even if it hasn’t been that long, Gavin, Luca, and I have had a few weeks to think this over and accept it. I need you three to do the same. Don’t makea snap decision. It’s a huge one that affects more than just us. I have a child’s future to consider. If you don’t want to be around, that’s fine. If you don’t think you can handle it, I understand. The only thing I don’t want is for any of you to make a choice you regret. This baby will not grow up feeling resentment. I don’t want to feel it. And I don’t want you resenting your life years from now. This has to be something you not only want but are ready to live for.”

After several beats of silence, I turned to Luca.

“Can we go home, or would that be rude?”

He gave me a soft smile. “It’s fine. My parents will understand.”

“You can’t leave,” Noah interrupted. “We have things to discuss.”

“Not tonight.” Gavin offered his hand, and I took it, standing and moving around Sky and Vince. “We’ve all been through enough. Like she said, there’s a lot to think about.”

“So, you’re going back to your apartment, and we’re supposed to just go home?” Sky asked.

---