Page 79 of Agony of Our Regret

The corners of his eyes crinkled. “I can’t wait.”

I didn’t need to ask if he was being honest. I could feel his excitement. “You’re going to be an amazing dad.”

He dropped his eyes, his smile dimming. “I hope so.”

I picked up a fry and tossed it at him. “None of that. You’ll be incredible. Plus, there are six of us to rotate and help. There’sa slim chance of ending up sleep-deprived or overwhelmed and if you don’t know how to do something, chances are one of the others will.”

“And they won’t let me be a screw-up.” He finally smiled again.

“We’ll all keep each other in line,” I agreed. “None of them will let you and me repeat the mistakes of our parents.”

He sucked in a breath and nodded. “Yeah, I won’t let you become a workaholic.”

Or disappear like my birth mother or be uncaring like the woman who raised me. The bar wasn’t very high, but I would do so much better, being the kind of mother I always wanted.

“And I won’t let you lose your temper.” He was nothing like this father, but I could tell my words helped.

As we finished eating, he updated me on the school. It was hard being so involved with the planning and decisions, yet not going to Santa Fe to see them become a reality. Getting video calls from him and Gwen to show me what got done each week had to be enough for now.

Hopefully, by the time the baby was here, things would be resolved with the AS, and I could see for myself.

We put on a movie we’d both seen and moved to the couch. I lay on his chest, not caring about following along. I just wanted to be close to him.

“I’ve missed you,” I admitted minutes after we settled in.

“I’ve missed you too, babe. You did the right thing by keeping distance between us while I worked through my issues. I’m grateful for the push to get me to where I am now, but it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I don’t want to stay away from you ever again.”

I twisted in his lap so I could see him. “So, you’re staying?”

He smiled. “I’m not going anywhere without you and the guys ever again. Not for more than a few days at a time.”

I pushed on his chest so I could kiss him. “I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.”

At this point, I’d assumed he was staying, but his confirmation was the best news.

“Not that I was going to let you ever leave again.”

He kissed the top of my head. “I don’t think they would let me either.”

“I’m ready for this to be the start of our future. No more thinking about the past or holding onto what happened.”

He quickly agreed. “It’s time to move forward, together.”

“What does that look like?” I wanted to hear from each of them. Ever since Noah asked me, I’d wondered what they envisioned.

He sighed and wrapped his arms around me, so I was lying with my head on his chest again. “Until very recently, I didn’t allow myself to think like that. With all my demons, there was always a voice telling me this couldn’t last.”

I tensed, but he rubbed my arm.

“Things have changed. I block out those thoughts as soon as they start because this is the life I want, and I’ll fight for it every single day if I have to.”

I nodded against his shirt.

“I want us to be together. To be happy, but that’s obvious.”

I laughed a little.

“I want a family,” he finally admitted.

---