Page 55 of One Kill

“Come on, Murph. We have a daughter and she needs her dad to see her grow up.” Two more breaths. Back to compressions. “Someone to see her off to prom.” Breaths. Compressions. “Someone to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day.” Breaths. Compressions. “Someone to call Grandpa when she has kids of her own.” Breaths. Compressions. “And I need you too, Murph. Come on.” Breaths. Compressions. “Please, Murph. Please. Come on.”

“J… J…”

I don’t know who it is, but someone touches my arm and I look down to see Murphy’s hands… limp on the bed, a meaty palm on my elbow.

“Get the fuck off me.” Breaths. Compressions.

The meaty hand disappears and the room is silent except for my heavy breaths, my panting, my exhaustion, my entire body breaking down because I failed. My roar is a guttural cry to the heavens, my head is spinning, my hands are shaking. I can’t…

I sag across Murphy, covering his body with my own, his blood mingling with the blood already smeared across me.

There’s a little girl in the other room who just lost her dad and it’s my fault. No, actually, it’s Ronan Callaghan’s fault. The fucking Irish mob. Because they’re greedy cunts who fucked over my parents then got mad at their revenge. This whole stupid mess is revenge upon revenge and it’s fucking ridiculous. Closing my eyes, I let my mind flash images of Murphy—smiling, laughing, caring for our daughter—and vow deep down in my soul that this fucked up cycle will end with me.

Knowing what to do with a kid doesn’t come naturally to me, but I need to do what Murph would want, what he would expect. I’m gonna fuck the kid up, but I’m all she’s got now.

Shit this is too fucking painful.

Slowly, I peel myself away from Murphy’s still body and put every bit of training I’ve ever had into use. I take a deep breath, grab a rag from the table to wipe at my face, blood smears and tears all over it.

The doc isn’t in the room with us anymore, neither is Tab. I don’t know when they left or how long I’ve been in here gripping at the man I thought I’d have a future with, a family.

I need to speak to my daughter.

Fuck, this has got to be the worst thing I’ve ever done.

With another deep breath, I press a light kiss against Murphy’s forehead, stroking the short hair off his face, and walk away.

Hallie is in the main living space, in the arms of someone I never expected to see here. River is holding my little girl so tightly, rocking her back and forth like a baby, comforting her as the small sobs continue to fall from her lips. Marco is standing in the corner talking with the doc, Tab, Crank, Flower, and Binx are hovering close by, too afraid of our don to approach him.

River looks up as I step into the room, everyone else completely ignoring me as if they know that what I’m about to do requires all my strength. I have no reserves for bullshit with anyone else.

It’s all for her now.

Tipping my head to River, I approach, and she smiles the saddest kind of smile known to man, empathy clear in her bright green eyes. I sit next to her on the couch and she slowly moves Hallie over to me, her tiny arms wrapping around my neck as she clings to me.

“Did you…” Hallie sniffs and hiccups. “Did you save him, Mom?” Oh, God, I thought my heart had already broken in that room with Murphy.

This is worse.

River stands and I see her gesturing to the others before they all leave the room. Alone again.

Hallie’s big hazel eyes, the perfect mix of her father and me, are focused on my face, which I know must be scary for a thirteen-year-old girl considering the blood coating me. Some of it being her father’s.

She wants answers. The good news I fucking prayed for. Me… praying.

“No, baby girl. We’ve… lost him.” My voice hitches as I speak, watching her tiny face crumble into a million pieces and the cry that leaves her throat will stay with me forever. She shakes uncontrollably, gripping on to me so tightly, letting out every pain she’s feeling with cries and screams and tears.

I cry right along with her, breaking down my walls for this precious little girl in my arms, letting her witness the side of me I’d kill anyone else for seeing.

And we break together.

It’s right here and now that I vow to end this once and for all. Ronan Callaghan will die. By my hand. As will every other member of the Irish mob in New Jersey.

And this little girl whose heart is breaking, shattered, forever changed, will never have to experience this kind of pain again.

Chapter Twenty-Five

J

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