Page 15 of Half Dead

Mel? It seemed the elixir was having an effect already. “Is anybody here from the obliteration department? I’d love to chat with them.”

She smirked. “I bet you would. Listen, there are far worse things than obliteration.”

“What could be worse than that?”

“Unas,” she whispered.

Unas. The longer I spent here, the more I realized that Pops had barely scratched the surface of gods-related knowledge.

Posy steered me to a quiet corner. “I was going to wait until the very end of the meet-and-greet for this, but I’m too excited.” She lowered her voice in a conspiratorial whisper. “I’ve been authorized to offer you a golden ticket.”

“Pfft. No, thanks. I’ve seen Willy Wonka.”

“Not for a candy factory. It’s essentially a Get Out of Jail Free card. If you’re in trouble, we save the day.”

Monopoly I could relate to. “I assume this is a metaphorical jail.”

“Most likely, but who knows with you?”

I played along. “So if I find myself on the receiving end of a speeding ticket and I invoke the card, you’ll get the cop to let me off with a warning?”

Posy huffed in annoyance. “You can charm your way out of a speeding ticket. I’m talking about solving an insurmountable problem. If you find yourself in a no-win situation, we’ll win it for you.”

“What’s the catch?”

Posy didn’t bother to pretend there wasn’t one. “If you take advantage of the card, then you’re agreeing to come on board as a member. The contract will be signed in absentia.”

I decided to humor her. “Which department would I be in? Because I type with two fingers and I’ve never made coffee for anybody except myself.”

“Let’s worry about assignments if and when the day ever comes.” Posy snapped open her pink purse to retrieve the card. “All you need to do is say that statement and you’ll be free of whatever trouble you’ve gotten yourself into.” She smiled. “I think we both know how frequently that happens.”

I noticed The Corporation logo first, followed by the statement.There’s no place like home.“I take it one of your members is a fan ofThe Wizard of Oz?”

“That would be Brian. He dresses as Dorothy every year on Samhain.”

“Do I need to click my heels together three times while I say it?”

Posy blew a raspberry. “If you’re able to move your feet at the time, sure. Knock yourself out.”

“What happens if I’m playing a trivia game and this is the answer?”

She looked at me with a deadpan expression. “Do you overthink everything?”

“When it comes to this organization, yes.”

“We want the agreement to be ironclad, that if you say these words in a qualifying situation, then you’re knowingly accepting the terms of our assistance.”

“For a price.”

She snorted with laughter. “We’re called The Corporation, duh. Of course there’s a price.”

I would rather die than join their organization, not that I felt the need to say that out loud. I knew the smart play would be to string them along so that I didn’t give them a reason to obliterate me here and now. Instead, I heard myself say, “I’ll never use this. Not in a million years.”

“So you’re saying there’s a chance.”

I slid the card into the pocket of my leggings. “Not even if I was unemployed and you were the only employer left on earth.”

“According to your file, youareunemployed.”

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