Page 88 of Designed for Disaster

“Yes, I quite enjoyed the cryptic email,” my mother said. “Are you about to tell us you’re dying?”

I felt my blood pressure rise.

“Now, Lara, play nice,” my father said. “No need to ruin lunch.”

“I believe it already was the moment you showed up,” she said, sipping her wine.

“God, you two are insufferable,” I muttered. Two pairs of eyes cut toward me. “Look, I’ve asked you two here today because…Well, frankly, I’ve made some mistakes lately.”

“Haven’t we all?” my father laughed, clapping me on the shoulder.

I shrugged off his touch. “Well, unlike you, I’m trying to fix them.”

My father scoffed as he sipped his drink.

“I’ve hurt the people I care about,” I continued. “One very important person in particular.”

“If you’ve brought us here to whine about Natasha—” my mother began, rising to her feet.

“Sit down,” I snapped. She gave me a hard look, but she returned to her seat. “I’m not here to whine. Quite the opposite. I’m here to take ownership over my life. Part of that means accepting responsibility for what I’ve done, and part of it means letting go of responsibility for the things I never had any control over at all. And at the top of that list is the way you two fucked me up.”

“Whoa, hang on!” my father said, choking on his drink as he laughed. “What the hell have I done?”

“Oh please,” my mother said, rolling her eyes. “What haven’t you done?”

“You’re both to blame,” I said. “For making my childhood miserable. Do you have any idea how toxic it was, growing up surrounded by your fights, your total lack of respect for each other, your complete lack of concern for Jimmy and me? Did you ever think of what kind of example you were setting for me? What lessons I was learning from you?”

“Just because we tried to raise you to be strong and self-reliant—” my mother said coldly.

“You raised me to be closed off and distrusting,” I shot back. “To believe that any attention or affection I get must have a price tag on it, because I only got either of those from you when there was something you wanted from me in return. Thanks to you, it’s hard for me to trust even the people who have always beenhonest with me.”Honest to a fault,I thought, feeling a surge of wistfulness at the thought of all the times Natasha had beenincrediblyfrank. “I’m always waiting for people to disappoint me because that’s all you two ever did.”

“Look, son. It’s not our fault if you’ve screwed things up for yourself,” my father said. “That’s on you.”

“You’re right. And I’m done with it.”

“What do you mean ‘done with it’?” my mother said. “Did we not already go through this phase with you?”

“I’m done letting you two take up so much space in my head,” I clarified. “That’s been my biggest mistake all these years, and it’s now my biggest regret. I should have cut you off years ago. For my sake and for Jimmy’s.”

“What do you mean cut us off?” my mother snapped.

“You’re my parents, for better or worse—and just so you know, it’s mostly been worse. But that doesn’t mean I need to follow in your footsteps or let you influence the kind of person I am.”

“You’re not making any sense,” my father said.

“I’m making perfect sense,” I corrected him. “Maybe for the first time in my life. From now on, I’m leaving you two behind.”

My parents glanced at each other, sharing a real look for maybe the first time in five years.

I cleared my throat. I’d rehearsed this part a thousand times. I knew the kinds of needling leeches my parents were, and I needed to get this exactly right. “Let me be crystal clear. You should stop calling me, because I’m not ever going to answer. You should stop trying to interfere with the company, becauseI’m not going to allow that to happen. As far as I’m concerned, this relationship, whatever was left of it, is done.”

My mother spluttered on her wine.

“If you’re willing to listen to advice frommefor a change, I’d suggest that you consider letting go of some of your own anger and bitterness. All it does is poison. I’ve seen it firsthand in my life and in Jimmy’s. And since you never bother to call him, I want you to know that Jimmy and I have talked some things out. After this semester is over, he’ll be taking a year off school to figure out what he really wants out of life. And whatever that is, I’ll support him.”

“‘Whatever that is,’” my mother sneered. “He’s dropping out of school? Of course he is. He’s spent far too much time under your influence.”

“If you two can’t be bothered to show him any kind of support,” I said, talking over her, “then so be it. Jimmy doesn’t need your money or anything else you think you have to offer. He has people he loves and trusts, and he’s done letting you dictate to him what he’s worth.”

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