Page 28 of My Best Bet

Before we both drifted to sleep, Piper finally said, “If that’s what you really want.”

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A couple hours later, pain exploded in my right knee, waking me from my sleep. Flashbacks bombarded my brain while my whole kneecap felt like it was splintering into a million pieces. I immediately hid my face in my pillow to squelch my whimpering because I didn’t want to wake Piper.

It’s just old nerve pain,I told myself.You’re fine. You’re healed. Breathe.But the pain persisted.

I tried massaging my knee for what felt like a full hour before I gave in and limped into my kitchen for some painkillers.

Slowly laying back down on my side, tears slid out of my eyes and hit my pillow. I couldn't help it anymore. This day just reminded me of everything I used to have and everything I still longed for. If I tried hard enough, I could still feel the ghost of him in bed behind me, moving my hair to place a kiss at the back of my shoulder, whispering that everything would be okay, wrapping his arm around me and holding my stomach, wedging his leg between mine to fall asleep tangled up together. His presence used to surround me, ground me, make me feel safe and loved.

I could just barely remember the feeling now.

One day I'd fully forget.

And I'd drown in this empty sadness without a memory to tug me back.

No, no, no.

God. Ugh. I sniffled up my tears and wiped my face with the back of my hand. This is why I never drank alcohol. And we drank 100 dollars worth. Piper made sure of it.

Stupid Colt and his stupid $100 bet and his stupid pissed-off face.

Things will be better in the morning, I tried to tell myself. They had to be. Because I had to keep going. I couldn’t let myself be strangled by the past. I was stronger than that. I saved myself once before, I could do it again.

Eventually I drifted back to sleep, rubbing my knee and dreaming about a time when Colt was pissed off at literally everyone else in this worldexceptfor me.

6.Mer - Move Forward – 16 years ago – fall

After our kiss, I thought things would change overnight. I daydreamed that we’d talk every day, that he’d take me on dates, and that I’d suddenly have a friend group because he’d include me in on fun with his friends.

I should’ve known that was delusional thinking.

Centre Ice Arena was our place of work.

His hockey season started.

Mine and Dmitry’s debut together loomed closer every day.

Life went on as normal.

The only difference was that we both watched each other.

Every once in a while, I’d catch him sitting in the stands by himself, watching our ice. When I looked up at him, he’d grin at me. I didn’t dare look back at where he was sitting for a full ten minutes, but in those minutes that I thought he was watching me, I tried my absolute hardest, performing like I was at the Olympics. When I’d finally let my eyes wander back to where he was sitting, he’d always be gone.

One time, we were both in the workout room at the same time. He was across the room with a group of guys, while I was with a group of figure skaters. When I wandered over for some water, he totally caught me staring at him while he lifted weights.

“Sorry,” I whispered, my face practically on fire.

“Don’t be,” he whispered back, raking a hand through his sweaty dark hair. “I wanted you to watch.” He grinned at me, making his dimple pop out.

I had no clue what to say back to that. I just blushed harder for a second before the workout instructor called me back to my group.

On the rare occasion that his team would walk past our ice on their way to warm up before a game, he’d clap for me when I landed a jump. One time, his whole team started clapping, which was cute, but kind of embarrassing. The other girls on the ice looked at me like I’d suddenly grown a third head. All I could do was shrug back.

It wasn’t until a Friday night about four months after our kiss that we were finally alone again…

Everyone else had cleared out of the locker room after practice, but I just sat there, slumped against the cool cinderblock wall.

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