Page 33 of Forever His This Christmas

“When I realized I was pregnant I went to a clinic outside of where I lived. While I was there the doctor asked me if I knew about the father’s health and I said no that I didn’t know who he was, that I’d only had sex once.”

“They didn’t believe you I take it?”

“No, he’d made me sleep with him the night before and she found evidence of the assault along with semen. She called the local police, and they told me to tell them who he was…I said no, that I wouldn’t tell them, and they took the report, along with the kit and that was it.”

“So, if you went back, told the truth of what happened, he would be prosecuted—and you and Abby would be safe.”

“No, I wouldn’t—because that’s not all that happened. After that he never touched me again, but only because I threatened to turn him in if he so much as looked at me wrong.”

“I figured you’d done something to stop it if no one knows about Abby.”

“Yeah, I’d done something. He wanted to meet, and I agreed to it, but before I went into the cabin where we were supposed to meet, I stuck a knife in his tire. Then I went inside with a tape recorder in my pocket, getting him to admit everything he’d done to me before telling him if he came near me again, I’d take it to the cops. He lunged at me, started shouting at me that he’d kill me before it ever got out, and I ran out the door. He followed and jumped in his car, trying to stop me before I could get home, but there was snow on the ground and his tire blew when hehit a rock. The car flipped, sending him down an embankment, crashing into trees—I saw him, barely moving inside the car, stuck, unable to get out and I left him there to die.”

“You were sixteen and he didn’t die.”

“No but he was paralyzed from the waist down. I caused that.”

“Even if he did file something against you there’s not a jury out there that would convict you, no DA would file criminal charges on you for being a scared—terrified sixteen-year-old who discovered she was pregnant after being forced to do what you were. You have all the proof on your side; he only has your fear and his intimidation on his.”

“I won’t do that to Abby though. I do not want that town looking at her as something to be wiped from the bottom of their shoe. I went overboard trying to cover up the fact that I was scared to death that he’d come after me—wheelchair or not, and the entire town has looked down on me because of it, even to this day. I did things that were stupid and reckless, but I didn’t care, because it wasn’t really me. The person I really am, is the one that I am when I’m with Abby. My brothers think I’m nothing but a slutty party girl who cares nothing about anyone’s feelings but her own. They think I’m still a childish brat that needs to grow up. I won’t subject my daughter to any of that.”

“Then show them who you really are, show them you’re the most unselfish mother I’ve ever met, that you’ve put Abby’s safety and best interest above your own—that you left Colorado to be with your daughter. If they love you, then they’ll find a way to love your daughter.”

“I can’t—I can’t risk her being hurt by any of them. I can’t risk them pushing me away either and I really can’t risk them trying to take over and make decisions for me.”

“Because one of the biggest decisions in your life was taken from you—you were a virgin the first time, weren’t you?” David asked gently, seeing the truth long before she spoke.

“Yeah, I was and if you’d ask a shrink, they’d probably agree that it’s the underlying cause of every stupid choice I made, but I still stand behind making them—good or bad.”

“Because you did it without anyone else’s input, without them forcing you to it?”

“Yeah—some people, typically girls, who can’t control their lives, the things that are happening in them, turn to anorexia or bulimia because it’s one thing that they can maintain control over—I went the opposite I suppose by making sure every decision—big, little, right, wrong, smart, dumb—they were all mine.”

“So? It was a way for you to cope with what happened Lisa—I’m sure the people in the town will understand that, and that you’re still using it to cope with the fear that he’ll harm the one person you love more than anything in the world.”

“Look, I get that you’re trying to make me feel better but it’s not going to work, it’s not going to change anything. I majored in business and psychology—everyone thought it was a crazy combination, but I knew why I did it, why I was so obsessed with the psych classes I took. I could spout off a ton of technical terms regarding my behavior, then and now, but I won’t. It doesn’t change anything; it’s an excuse that I won’t fall into, David. I did what I did, and I’ll do what I do for one reason—for one person. I lost focus in New York because of my job and Corey—I lost focus here and nearly lost Abby, that won’t happen again. I won’t let her be hurt again.”

“Today was an accident Lisa—you didn’t let her be hurt. She made a choice; surely, you of all people can understand that. She made a choice to come over and stand up for you. She didn’tmake the choice to be hit by the car, but she put herself there—you didn’t.”

“But I can make sure she doesn’t have to be put in that position again.”

“Now who’s making the choices for someone else?”

“I’m not making the choice for her; I’m eliminating it as a possibility. I won’t have her risking herself to stand up for me. I don’t care that she does. I don’t care that she yelled at you or told you what she did. I care that I nearly lost her because I didn’t do it myself.”

“And you think that will solve everything? Your brothers are still going to think of you as selfish, your family isn’t going to know the real you, the truth…and the person who hurt you could be out there, hurting others like you.”

“No, he can’t—see that’s the one good thing that came from the accident—he can’t hurt anyone like that. He’s stuck in a wheelchair and that part of his body doesn’t work in that capacity. He has to use catheters and I’m not sorry about it at all, only that he’s still breathing.”

“Nothing is going to change your mind, is it?” David asked, giving her a long look.

“No, it’s not. I’m going to do whatever I have to in order to keep Abby safe. I’ll give up anything I have to; I’ll let people think whatever I have to, my happiness isn’t what I worry about—it’s hers.”

“But she worries about yours, Lisa. Doesn’t that tell you something—doesn’t it show that the best way for her to be happy is if you are?”

“I am, as long as she’s safe,” Lisa said looking through the window at Abby and Jazz, giving them a smile as she pushed aside everything else to focus on getting Abby better and whole again. That’s all she cared about, she told herself over and overignoring the ache that had nothing to do with her daughter’s accident and everything to do with missing Corey.

Chapter 11

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