Page 20 of Forever His This Christmas

“What?” she said taking a step away from him.

He pushed a hand through his hair seeing her beginning to close off from him already. “I know I should have told you about her, but I was trying to convince you to let this be more than just sex and I didn’t think the way to do that would be to tell you that I failed at marriage.”

“Really? How long has it been since you separated?” she asked hating herself for falling for him if he was still married.

“The divorce was finalized two months before we met Lisa, I swear,” he stated cupping her cheek. “I meant it when I said I’d given up hope of ever finding you. I did before I married Donnaand when it ended, I didn’t expect you to walk into the bar and change everything. Don’t turn this into something it’s not.”

“Were you ever going to tell me about her?”

“Yes, I was going to tell you when I could explain everything. Baby,” he said softly bringing her gaze back up to his. “Everything that’s between us is because I know what it’s like to fail at something that should be truly special. I know what to avoid and this, you and me, it’s not one of those things.”

She saw the truth in his eyes and relaxed her shoulders slightly letting him pull her into his arms. She settled her arms around his shoulders and leaned her head on his chest letting out a sigh. She didn’t know what to think right now but she didn’t want him to go.

“That’s it? Nothing else huge I should know about right now?” she asked, praying he said no.

“No, I promise. Lisa, I would have told you about my marriage before things got serious, beautiful. This is not the way I planned, but until today you hadn’t even bothered to admit that there was more to this…us than just sex. I know it is. I know how incredibly special and unique this is. I didn’t want to lose it that first morning and I certainly don’t want to lose it now. You have to know that. You need to know that,” he stated staring down into her eyes. “Let me be the man for you…it’s your choice, it’s always been your choice just please…don’t let the way your family and this place treats you make you run from what you have to know is possible for us.”

“I hate you knowing what I’m thinking do you know that?” she sighed. “I know this is possible and it scares the hell out of me because I don’t want to be them. I don’t want to waste my life with things that aren’t going to work out. I ran from everyone because I wasn’t about to risk them figuring me out…possibly finding a way around what I was thinking, feeling.”

“I know and I also know that you hate that I know but I do. I can’t help that. I’ve lived through a bit more than you have. I’ve gone down a few roads you haven’t, and I know that things can be far different than what someone imagines. That’s what I thought about my marriage to Donna. When we married, I fooled myself into believing she was the person I had been looking for…wanted all my life but I was wrong. I spent the last two years trying to get her out of my life and finally, it was done. Then there you were, and I knew I’d been put through that hell with Donna, so I’d realize how special the right woman really was. The night we were together was incredible. It was the first time that I felt anything like it. When I woke up without you there, I was cursing myself because I should have gotten your full name, your number before we started round two. The day I walked into the conference room and found you I knew I’d do anything to get you to be mine.”

“And that makes me want to run…” she said, her eyes wary as she looked up at him.

“I know it does, but I have to be honest. Not being honest is what got me into the biggest mess in the past, and I won’t make that mistake with you. Not from here on out. I’m willing to take the risk of being honest about all of this because I know that we’re meant to be together,” he stated cupping her cheek, hating her wariness, that there was something she was keeping from him beyond her worries about becoming her mother, but he’d figure it out and they’d handle it together. “I don’t mean it in a way that I’m going to force it to happen or force you to feel the same or anything like that. I want you to come to me all on your own, all because you want to. I want you to want me as much as I want you. When you can see that together we can have the best life possible that’s when you’ll come to me. That’s when we can really find what’s possible.”

“And if I never see that? If all I see is losing my opinions, my thoughts, myself…what then? Are you going to be like them and try to make me see it?”

“No, because I know you will,” he stated kissing her until he knew they had to stop or cause a real scene.

“I can’t guarantee that Corey. I can’t guarantee that I’ll want this next week,” she warned as panic began to build inside her at the idea of them having something real. As much as her heart and body wanted it, her mind was screaming out the warnings to not be stupid. Of all the things that could come from it, the complications it would cause, the things it could bring to light.

“I know which is why we’re simply going to take this day by day. I want you to stay with me when we get back. Even if all we do is go home together and sleep beside each other I still want you there. I want to meet your friends, be your date on Valentines…but I’ll go however slow you need because I know that eventually this will all work out. Just don’t pull away because I didn’t tell you about Donna. Alright?” he asked holding her to him as the music continued to play.

“Alright,” she said knowing she was being a hypocrite, but she couldn’t tell him the truth without telling everyone else. She wasn’t going to risk that though, so she’d find a way to deal with this. Let him down gently, even if it was the last thing she truly wanted to do. “You’re right. I can’t be mad at you for not telling me about her. I just didn’t expect to be confronted by it here.”

“Neither did I and I swear there is nothing between us anymore, there hasn’t been anything between us in over two years, closer to three honestly.”

“So, six months ago it wasn’t her you went out with? You mentioned a date that went badly last week when we were trying not to laugh over that awful waiter,” she added lifting an eyebrow his way with a grin at his slightly confused look.

“Right…no, it definitely wasn’t Donna. That was an old girlfriend from college that I ran into on a business trip to London. She lives there so it’s not even a possibility of running into her again either, so don’t try to use that as an excuse to push me away.”

“Seeing through all of my attempts here huh?”

“Yup, so how about it? Let me be your rock in all of this?”

“Okay, I’ll try. I can’t make any guarantees,” she said, and it sucked that it was the most honest thing she’d ever said to him.

“I know but we’ll manage it somehow,” he assured her and as the rest of the night passed by them, he tried to hold onto that feeling.

Christmas morning dawned bright with new snow falling and he enjoyed holding her while the family exchanged presents. He was surprised that her parents had gotten him something and was glad it was a sweater he’d actually wear, unlike some of the ones he’d seen in the gift shop.

“And this one is for Lisa,” Kirby stated as he dug out the last package from under the tree.

She glanced at the nametag on it and opened it before tensing.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered into her ear as he leaned over towards her.

“Nothing,” she replied closing the box before anyone could see in it making him more suspicious.

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