I pull back, levering myself up on my knees, and look down at her. Jesus, she's fucking perfect. With just the sight of her, I know I won't be the same after tonight.
"Lift," I urge as I grip the waistband of the boxers.
She obeys, angling her hips up a few inches so I can pull the boxers free from her body.
"Jesus," I pant, staring down at the center of her.
She's glistening. Two kisses and she's ready for me. I sweep my thumb up the seam of her, having to roll my bottom lip between my teeth to keep from moaning with need at how slick she is.
She whimpers, her hips rolling and lifting in need of more pressure.
"Be strong," I whisper. "You know I'll take care of you."
Aspen gave me so many firsts, and despite feeling like a crook who stole those things from her all those years ago under false pretenses, I still greedily took all that she offered. I'm no less desperate to have them all again.
"What are you—oh God," she moans when I lower my mouth to the tip of one breast, sucking it into the warmth of my mouth.
I want to spend years worshipping her body, but at the same time, there's this need inside of me to claim something I've been missing for years and years.
"Hold on," I tell her as I reach down and position myself at her entrance.
Just like she did that very first time, she wraps her arms around me as far as they can go and curls her fingernails into my skin.
Her back arches, perfect breasts inching up higher into the air when I press inside, and I swear my nuts seize immediately.
The grasp of her body along my length is something I could never forget, but the memory of it pales in comparison to the actual feel.
I grind my teeth and press my forehead into her shoulder, begging whatever deity might be listening to give me more stamina than what she's about to rob from me.
It's pure fucking heaven, and my resistance earlier had a lot to do with this. I knew how she felt. I knew what power she always held over me when I was balls deep inside of her, and even now, only a few inches in, I'd consider being at her beck and call for the rest of my life just for the promise of this right here.
I tell myself I deserve this, that I've been a good man. I've saved, protected, and sacrificed. My entire life has been spent helping others.
I cling to that, knowing when all the dust settles, I'll be left alone once again with nothing but memories to last me until my last breath.
"Need to move," I whisper, my voice hoarse as if I've spent the last week screaming into the wind.
Instead of answering me with words, she lifts her other leg and wraps it around my thighs, opening up to me just a little more.
"Nolan," she whispers, and for a second, she pulls me completely out of the moment.
I stare down at her. It's the first time we've been like this with her knowing my real name, and it complicates things that much more. Maybe staying Luke to her would've been better because those two syllables on her lips make me want things I know better than to hope for.
I push all the way inside of her, watching as her mouth drops open, her eyes scrunching a little at the corners as if she's in pain.
"I can't help it."
"I know," she pants. "Just give me—"
She moans when I pull back again.
Her eyes say a million things, but I can't let myself get lost in them. I'm already going to be clinging to her and praying she never lets me go again when this is done. I can't waste a second making the mistake of thinking this could be more. It can't be. Our lives are too different. Her choices are literal scars on my skin, and although I could see spending the rest of my life inside of her, I don't know that I'll ever be able to forgive her fully. That's no life to spend with someone.
Instead of keeping things close and intimate, I lift my upper body and settle back on my calves, leaving her legs wide and open for me.
Pressing my thumb to her slick clit, I swirl tiny circles over that sensitive bundle of nerves, grinning down at her when she squirms both to get away and to get closer at the same time.
"I need you to take it, Peach."