Page 17 of Jericho

I won't bother you again. I'm sorry for using this email as a sounding board. Please don't come for me or try and interfere in any way. Doing so will only cause me more problems. It's not as bad as I made it sound. I was having a bad day.

A bad day.

I wonder if those are a reflection of her own words or if it's something that Damien says after he's finished hurting her. Is he the type of man who sends flowers and begs forgiveness afterblackening her eyes and splitting her lip? I highly fucking doubt it. The Damien I knew would taunt her and press his finger into her bruises just to watch her wince in pain a second time.

I clench my hands into fists over and over, needing to hurt someone and knowing that I won't be happy until Damien Gaines is bleeding out at my fucking feet.

It's not just her. He has caused so much pain for so many people. As Ivan Reese's successor, he did most of it with impunity. The fact that he's keeping Aspen and her son separate speaks of his cruelty. What type of man keeps a child away from their mother? That alone is enough for me not to listen to her request. She can't see just how dangerous things are for her because she's right in the middle of it and her perspective is skewed. I'm well aware of exactly how these operations work from my years with ICE, and I know she and Eli are not only pawns for Damien to use against each other, but she's the main target of anyone wanting to unseat Damien from his stolen throne.

Even though she's requesting to be left alone, I know I could never do that. I could possibly convince myself for a day or so that she has every right to decide how her life is going to play out, but, in the end, it won't matter. In the end, she doesn't get to choose to keep her son in danger. Trying to give her what she wants would only result in wasted time because not helping her isn't an option. Leaving a woman in known danger isn't how a Marine acts. It isn't how Cerberus acts. It isn't how real men act. Helping her and getting her and her son free of that man is the only option. What she does after that is a hundred percent up to her.

I don't email her back because I know the risk. She could already have put herself in more danger for sending that last email, but there's nothing I can do about that other than worryabout her safety every single minute between now and the next chance I get to pull her from that life.

I don't doubt that Damien has regretted not slitting my throat that night Ivan ordered that it be done. Other than wanting me to witness him getting everything I thought I deserved, I have no clue why he let me live. He wasn't known for his compassion or forgiveness. If anything, he acted possibly worse than he was so people would never question him. He ran so many risks by not killing me, including losing Ivan's favor and the chance to run the family one day, but who knows the finer details? Ivan could've told him he was no longer in the running and that could've been the day Damien slit his throat and left him on the side of the road like a bag of garbage.

As I do my best to try and formulate a plan, I know there are worse things that can happen to her than being smacked around by her volatile husband. I know that can happen at any moment, even between now and when I get the chance to grab her.

My heart races as my mind runs through scenario after scenario. Storming the house and grabbing her isn't an option because I'd just end up with a bullet in my head, and I'm no use to her dead.

Leaving her be is another option that keeps running through my mind because it's what she asked for, but I made a vow to myself, even after Damien sliced open my face, that I'd help her when and if she ever wanted out. Although she wrote those emails thinking I was dead, she did ask for help. I have to be there to provide it even though she's backpedaling. She'll always backpedal. She'll always choose the danger she knows because she has been threatened with so many awful things if she steps over the line. I have no doubt Damien is willing and ready to issue all those punishments he had threatened her with,but there's also the chance he'll do it even if she doesn't step out of line. He'll create some scenario where she's wronged him just so he can hurt her. It's what abusers do. You can't ever be perfect because they change the fucking rules right in the middle of the game to benefit them.

Then, there's Eli to consider. As much as I hate a part of Damien coming from her, that kid is also a part of Aspen. I have to think that he got all the good things Aspen has and none of the horrific traits his father is plagued with. Regardless of lineage, children are to be protected at all costs. If Aspen can't or isn't willing to protect that boy, then I will. She can hate me all she wants, but the last thing this world needs is another man like Damien running loose and hurting people just for the thrill of it. If the boy is left to his father's instruction, I have no doubt he'll be just as bad if not worse.

Chapter 10

Aspen

Discovering that someone you thought was gone is actually alive is insane. I don't know if it's the idea that he's been out there this whole time that I'm struggling with or the fact that I've spoken countless times to someone who I attributed to being a ghost, but I feel like eyes are on me constantly.

The fact that Damien pointed out the camera in the office last week could play a part. I don't doubt that if he has visible cameras in the house, he could easily have hidden ones as well. The thought makes my skin crawl, but it also keeps me from doing anything that might anger him.

I no longer talk out loud to myself or voice my thoughts because I can't risk him hearing anything, despite how lonely it makes me feel. The isolation is worse when I go for hours every day without using my voice. Music helps, but it doesn't vibrate through my body the way it used to when I was younger.

I doubt that Luke is in the woods surrounding the house, watching me as I cross in front of a window, but that doesn't stop me from standing at them and looking out, hoping to catch a glance of him.

I'm no princess in a tower, waiting to be rescued. I deserve every bad thing I've gotten in life. I'm the daughter of a drug lord. My father's business has caused God only knows how many people to overdose and die, and that doesn't even take into account the number of guns this family has put on the streets. Those weapons aren't going to people defending their homes. They go to people who create more victims either through fearof having a weapon waved in their faces or because they've been shot.

Maybe it's pure paranoia that someone is watching me rather than a sixth sense. Maybe systematic abuse from Damien, and not knowing when he's going to pop up and hit me, has finally culminated in my sanity starting to slip.

I squint my eyes as I look out into the distance, wondering what in the tree line made the birds fly away, but I see nothing.

"Mrs. Gaines?"

I turn to face Samuel, wondering how he explained the cut on his forehead, that now has a bandage covering it, from his wound last week. I know Luke had to have subdued him in order to pull up in the alleyway, and it shows just how different Luke is from Damien. If Damien wanted someone out of the way, he'd probably put a bullet in their head.

But that isn't right either because he didn't kill Luke as he has bragged about doing for years. It's a lie he told to my father's face while I was present. That was one of the brutal things about my father. He never laid a hand on me, but emotionally, he's responsible for so much damage he might as well have struck at me with his fists.

"Yes, sorry," I finally manage.

"You'll be late for your appointment," he says. "Do you want to cancel?"

I shake my head, knowing that not going will raise too many questions. I know Damien keeps a close eye on what I'm doing, especially when it involves me leaving the house. He knows I won't run because of Eli, but he also caught me trying to locate my son. The man never trusted me fully, but I know he trusts me even less now.

"I'm ready," I tell Samuel, following him from the living room when he turns to head out to the car.

The drive is as uneventful as it was last week, but that doesn't keep my head from being on a swivel as I look at all the cars and every person on the sidewalk when we get into town. I don't see Luke. There's nothing suspicious, but, honestly, what do I know about evaluating my surroundings? I've been protected my entire life. I've never had to duck down or run from someone trying to hurt me, although the threat has always been there. I've never faced a barrage of bullets from someone wanting to get revenge on my father or my husband.

Roxanne greets me like normal when I enter through the back, but her smile doesn't reach her eyes. There's no love lost between us. Despite weekly appointments for years, I'm not friends with this woman. Friends have never been an option. They're a weakness. Caring for people outside of the family isn't allowed. Anyone who tries to get close will only use you.

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